Premature Supramental World

Mother wrote in her diary:

15.2.1958

“Last night I had a vision of what the supramental world would be like if the people were not sufficiently prepared. The confusion that now exists on earth is nothing in comparison with what may happen. Just imagine any strong will possessing the power to transform matter according to its liking! If the sense of collective unity did not grow in proportion to the growth of the power, the resulting conflict would be yet more acute and chaotic than all our material conflicts.”¹⁰¹

 The Mother

Panditji of Rameshwaram

Panditji¹⁰² first came to Pondicherry in March 1959. Afterwards he used to come regularly and gained great respect here. Panditji was also a powerful occultist. Sometimes, Mother sent some people to him for solving their problems.

Whenever he went to see her, the Mother used to give him flowers. On 30 March 1959, on coming out from the interview he put the flowers Mother had given him in my hands. Later I took them to the Mother and she was more surprised to know what had happened than I had been on receiving the flowers from Panditji. She kept looking at them. Then with a smile she put them in my hands. It was as if she were giving me not only those three flowers but something ineffable and unknowable. It was a momentous experience that she gave me along with these flowers which signify Victory. I have preserved them carefully.

Once, talking about Panditji, Mother said that when they were meditating together, she rose higher and higher in meditation and Panditji also climbed up to that height. The meditation they had together was very interesting. I know that no ordinary person could have achieved that with Mother. And about the Mother, he once said: “The Mother is swayamprakasha, self-luminous.”

One day, while seeing a photo of Panditji, Mother divided his face in two by keeping the side of her hand horizontal, between the upper lip and the nose. Then she said: “The upper part of the face indicates complete detachment, neutrality and deep peace; the eyes embody the sorrow of the world. The lower part of the face – the lips and chin – is just as I had seen it in my meditation with him. Complete detachment and supreme neutrality is the first stage of integral transformation.” Of course, these are not Mother’s exact words, but they reflect more or less the essence of what she said.

Care of Rubber Tubes

10.7.1944

While combing Sri Aurobindo’s hair, Mother suggested to Nirod a way to preserve the rubber tubes in his Dispensary: “Take a nice airtight tin. Put in it an open bottle of clove oil. Put your rubber tubes in that tin alongside the open bottle, and close the tin. The tubes will then remain in very good condition.”

Two Children

17.6.1944

When Sri Aurobindo used to sit in his sofa for writing we used to place a writing-desk in front. Once while writing he asked for water. As he was drinking, some water was spilt; a little later some more was spilt. He asked me why that was happening.

Since his accident he used a feeding cup for drinking water. These cups have spouts like on a jhari [spouted pot] and he put his mouth to the spout when he drank.

I showed him the rim of this cup and said: “You see, this opening is larger than in other feeding cups. When it is tilted too much, water spills over the rim. But if you drink slowly without tilting the cup too much, water will not spill.”

Sri Aurobindo exclaimed, “Oh, oh!” and laughed. Then he followed my directions and the water was not spilt.

Truly he was sometimes like a child – before another child!

Mother’s Self-Portrait

18.7.1944

When the Mother came to Sri Aurobindo’s room this morning, I showed her her self-portrait done for Chandanbala [Dr. Manilal’s daughter]. And she exclaimed: “Seigneur! Qu’est-ce que c’est? (Lord! What is this?)”

Then she saw her signature and asked: “When was this done?”

I pointed out the date, 28.8.34, which Mother herself had written there below.

Mother: “But it is not good, not good. The mirror was not good and it was slanting too.”

C: “What you did for Kaushiki [Doraiswami’s daughter] was remarkable, Mother, it was extraordinary, wonderful. That was the best.”

Mother: “Yes, but it is no longer there; it was destroyed.”

She told me how and by whom it was destroyed, but I shall not repeat it. It was a sad happening. Perhaps it was destined. It illustrates how unprepared we are for her Grace.

C: “Mother, the portrait you did of me, is that not nice?”

Mother: “Perfect! If it had been signed Leonardo da Vinci, nobody would doubt it was not by him. Do not spoil it.”

Latour, the Photographer

23.7.1944

In those days the art of photography had not developed in the Ashram. Mother gave Bansidhar some of her pre-Pondicherry photographs for reprinting. She insisted that while making new negatives the old copies must not be touched up.

Bansidhar entrusted the work to Latour, son of the photographer who had taken Sri Aurobindo’s photographs in the early years. He told him: “Make one negative without touching it up and one after touching up the old one. We shall show prints of both of them one after another to the Mother and order the required number of copies of the one Mother chooses.”

After seeing the touched-up copy intently and also from several angles, Mother liked it very much and said: “Very good, especially the eyes. He has touched it up a lot, but it is done very skilfully. It is the first time that I see such remarkable work in India.” And she took it to Sri Aurobindo who also liked it.

B: “Mother, Latour studied photography in France.”

Mother: “Hmm…. Beautiful work. Really good. You may order more copies of the touched up one.”

B: “Mother, others also would like to have copies.”

With Mother’s permission, Bansidhar ordered more copies and sold them to those who wanted them. Needless to say, whatever money came from the sale was offered to the Mother.

Later Bansidhar wrote a letter to Mother requesting her permission to learn photography. Sri Aurobindo’s reply came: “We are not planning to start a photography studio in the Ashram. It is not necessary to learn.” Yet today we not only have studios but the art too has been highly developed. However, since Mother’s time I have been getting all my photography work done by Latour.

I relate this episode also to illustrate the fact that it does not make sense to say that Sri Aurobindo said this or that, just in order to fulfil one’s desire or belief.

Religious Ceremonies

30.7.1944

Sri Aurobindo said that he himself had done some religious kriyas (rituals), and added: “If they are done sincerely, one may attain the Divine. Otherwise, one generally gets the realisation of the vital gods. Men must be absolutely sincere.”

Aggressive

2.8.1944

Referring to S whom she had met for the first time, Mother said: “I have never met such an aggressive man – an image of aggressiveness.”

Expenses

2.8.1944

When Mother came to Sri Aurobindo’s room at night, she handed him a slip of paper on which was written:

Rs. 2,000 for milk per month.

Rs. 8,000 for grains etc.

Then she remarked: “You see, how much is our expense!”

Sri Aurobindo: “Oh, oh!”

Deceptive

9.8.1944

X brought to Mother a gentleman at Pranam time with the intention of getting her approval before associating with him in business.

Later Mother commented: “A good-looking man; smiles nicely; a gentleman. But he is a zero. He will lose all his money. Incapable of doing anything; he will make a mess of everything. X would be a fool to take him as his partner. I advise him not to do so⁵⁴.”

My Lucky Photograph

13.9.1944

Mother took my photograph to Sri Aurobindo, gave it in his hand and said: “Respectable, looks like a yogi.” She said it thrice.

Sri Aurobindo smiled, nodded his head and said: “Y…e…s.” Mother looked at me and said: “Very nice.” This too she said thrice, then added: “I am not joking.”

As she put the photograph in my hand, Sri Aurobindo was looking at me and smiling.

Calcutta Photo

13.9.1944

It was 12.28 p.m. Sri Aurobindo was sitting in his chair near the window. I showed him a photograph of his in which he is seated on the dais in a public meeting – the one without the garland. He looked at it for a while, smiling, then asked:

“From where? Whose?”

C: “Yours.”

Sri Aurobindo: “Yes, but to whom does it belong?”

C: “It is mine.”

Sri Aurobindo: “It must have been taken at Calcutta. From where did you get it?”

C: “In your room in Library House. When you moved to this house it was lying in a drawer of your table. I showed it to Mother; even she had not seen it. She gave it to me. But as it was only a print I gave it to Bansidhar to get a photographic copy made and he had it done by Latour. This is the copy.”

Sri Aurobindo smiled and kept looking at it.

C: “Would you sign it?”

Sri Aurobindo: “Oh, you want me to sign?” And he smiled and signed it.

“The War Behind the War”

14.9.1944

Mother said, regarding Amal’s⁵⁵ article on 15th August: “The War behind the War is very well written – specially well written.”

“Like Us!”

17.9.1944

Mother: “Chinese soldiers quarrel in ordinary matters, without understanding the seriousness of the situation.”

Sri Aurobindo: “Like us!”

“Wait, Wait, Champaklal!”

21.9.1944

I said to Mother: “Latour, the photographer, is an admirer and a devotee of Sri Aurobindo. He is very anxious to take a new photograph of Sri Aurobindo. His father had taken the old ones. He too wants to take one. He says that if Mother does not allow him to take the photograph, he can give his camera to Bansidhar, ready to be clicked. He says that his is a beautiful camera which can be operated under any circumstances. He will explain things to Bansidhar and give the camera ready in his hands.”

Mother: “Wait, wait a little more.”

C: “The time has not yet come? But Mother, I do think your time for being photographed has come.”

Mother: “No, no, my time also has not yet come.”

C: “Mother, you move like a young girl…”⁵⁶

Mother: “No, no, no, wait, wait, Champaklal!”

The time came in 1950. And we spent thousands of rupees. This too is Their Play. Whereas even if we had asked money from Latour he would have gladly paid it for the privilege of taking the photographs. He was a sincere devotee of Sri Aurobindo.

Waste of Leisure Time

30.9.1944

Mother said to Sri Aurobindo: “Some people, when they have ample time at their disposal, spend it in drinking, playing, talking etc. They waste their time in drama, and cinema too. Among thousands, I have hardly seen anyone who knows how to make use of his time in the proper way.”

*

Sri Aurobindo: “Has rationing done some good?”

Mother: “Yes. Generally the English food is very heavy. I had an experience of it when I was there in England during the last War.”57

Fall of Poland

4.10.1944

After listening to a Polish visitor, Mother said: “As if they are living for the Truth only and they are the people who will give the Truth to the world! There are people there who worship the Black Mary; I think it is a deformation of Kali. But they are not sincere in their adulation.”

My Portrait

6.10.1944

I showed to Mother my portrait done by her on my birthday in 1935. Some small yellow spots had appeared on the paper.

Mother: “That happens when the paper is not good.”

C: “But this paper is of a good quality.”

Mother: “There must have been some defect in the making of this paper. It is a pity. The picture is wonderful, very nice.”

You know, this portrait was done by Mother with her eyes closed. She finished it in a few minutes and when she saw it, she was so happy with it that she took it immediately to Sri Aurobindo.

It was regarding this picture that she said: “If I were to write the name Leonardo da Vinci here [as the artist who made this] nobody would question it…. The pencil just went on moving.”

Sri Aurobindos Protection after Death

17.5.1959

In the morning I informed Mother of the passing away of Mrityunjoy’s elder sister. Mother said: “Yes, she was not keeping well for a long time. She was sick.”

While Mother was having breakfast after Balcony darshan, she said that she had come to know a very interesting thing. She had seen on the forehead of Mrityunjoy’s sister, the symbol of Sri Aurobindo. Mother was very much surprised and said to herself: “What? On this….” Then she heard Sri Aurobindo saying: “Henceforth whoever dies here, I will put my seal upon him whatever his condition, protection will be given.” It was then 6.30 a.m.

I had heard of Benares as the ideal place to die. But now Sri Aurobindo has created a still better and safer place!

Mother’s Photo and People

8.8.1959

The Mother was given a copy of a photograph of her taken recently. On seeing it, she told the photographer: “You have caught the expression.”

Later, upstairs, I told Mother that people were asking what she had said about the photograph.

Mother: “It is not their business.”

C: “But I have told them that you said it is excellent.”

Mother: “Yes, it is excellent, but they ought to know it!”

On this and on many other occasions I realised that she wanted people to be sensitive and to understand things rightly by themselves, without being told.

Mother’s Self-Portraits

.3.1948

In the evening, Mother brought to Sri Aurobindo two of her self-portraits. She gave them in his hands saying that she had found out the period when they were done.

She told Sri Aurobindo: “Champaklal wants to have them photographed. What do you say? If you find them all right they can be photographed.”

Then turning to me Mother said: “In the portrait done earlier, the face is nice; in the other the eyes are nice.”

C: “Mother, I find both are nice.”

At this, Sri Aurobindo put both the sketches in my hand. Then both looked at me and smiled.

Saving Time

19.3.1948

When Mother came to Sri Aurobindo’s room at 9.30 a.m. to comb his hair, she looked at me with a sweet smile and said to Sri Aurobindo: “Champaklal has found out a way to save my time, and today he has saved me half an hour.”

Sri Aurobindo, happily: “Umm, umm, umm!”

Mother: “It was taking a lot of time to choose flowers for giving to people. Champaklal brought a big dish, arranged four kinds of flowers in different heaps and took away all the rest. So a good deal of time was saved.”

This thing could have been done long ago. But only when the Mother allows it does anything become possible.

“He is still there?”

17.4.1948

Even at night Mother used to open the door to meet some disciples at the top of the staircase. Today it was past 11 p.m. and yet they had not finished, though they were expected just to do pranam and leave.

Sri Aurobindo enquired who was there with Mother. I told him the name. He asked further questions about the person including his age. Half an hour passed and still he did not leave. Sri Aurobindo asked: “Why is Mother keeping him so long? He is still there?”

C: “Yes.”

Sri Aurobindo’s Concern about Mother

20.4.1948

There was a film-show⁶¹tonight and by the time Mother came upstairs, it was 11.42 p.m. As soon as she came up she told me to inform Sri Aurobindo that she would be late today (for Sri Aurobindo’s dinner) as she had returned late.

I said: “Mother, I always inform him when you are back because he always likes to know. At times on hearing the horn of your car he himself lifts up the timepiece and sees the time.”

Swadharma

20.9.1948

Noted in Sri Aurobindo’s room at 9.45 a.m.:

The dhira purusha, the calm and wise man, acts always according to his swadharma, his inmost nature.

Often we believe we are following our own nature, but we are actually only imitating others. As we progress in sadhana, we liberate ourselves more and more from this defect. Surrender, constant remembrance, and opening to the Divine influence help us in this process. In the beginning this demands great efforts, but later it becomes spontaneous.

Not to be deceived by others is difficult but not to be deceived by oneself is even more difficult. Do not be deceived – either by others or by yourself. How much more shameful it is to be deceived by oneself than by others! It does not appear shameful in the beginning, but as we progress we find it increasingly so. Though from our childhood we learn by imitating others, a time comes when one becomes aware of the difference between imitating others and following one’s own nature.

Mother’s Hard Work

22.9.1948

Today Mother was not well and a notice to this effect was put on the Ashram notice board. And yet she went down and gave Pranam. When she returned, she was so tired that I could not bear to see her; tears welled up in my eyes. I went and informed Sri Aurobindo about this.

Sri Aurobindo said: “She ought not to go down.”

But next day, though she was still unwell, she went down and gave Pranam. These were not the only occasions when she did so. They were innumerable, especially during later years. People have no idea how much she exerted herself and in what conditions.

Old Soap-Bits and World Economy

23.9.1948

Mother gave a new soap cake for Sri Aurobindo’s use and asked me if I had kept the unusable bits of the old ones. She knew that I must have preserved them⁶². I said:

“Yes.”

Mother: “Then bring them; they will be given to Pavitra and he will make a nice big cake out of them. I give all my bits to him and he prepares a big cake from them.”

The war-time restrictions were still not removed and there was difficulty in getting soap from France.

Mother noticed from my expression that I was not enthusiastic. She went on to ask me: “Are you using them?”

C: “No, Mother.”

Mother: “Then, why waste them? If you were using them it would be all right; otherwise why not use them this way? Now there are hardly 12 cakes; perhaps only 9 or 10 are left, maybe even less. We can make new ones.”

C: “All right, I shall bring them.”

Now I had wrapped each bit in paper and numbered them date-wise, indicating from what day to what day each had been used. All were arranged in a box. It occurred to me that as Mother had asked only for the soap-bits, I could retain the wrappers with the dates. So I took out a few; then an idea came that Mother should see the whole box, what a pretty sight it was. So I took to her both the opened ones and the box with paper-wrapped ones.

Mother saw everything. She admired and appreciated it so much that she said: “I cannot take them away; no, Champaklal, you keep them; I cannot take them.”

She was very happy to see the box. Then she added: “But you see Champaklal, the world’s economy is in my hands; so I have to start from the Ashram.”

My Hand

6.10.1948

Mother saw my right hand when we were in her salon and said: “One aim in life. All lines are joined.”

Then Mother examined my nails and said:

“Dreamer; Writer; Poet.”

Long back, when Lele had seen my right hand, he had pointed out the three main lines and said, “Very, very interesting. These lines are rarely connected in this way.”

Not Claiming Enough

1948

A prominent public worker of Madras came to see Mother. Referring to Sri Aurobindo, he told Mother:

“He has become an international figure but we claim him more.”

Mother: “But you are not claiming enough.”

Mother’s Responses

To infer anything from Mother’s apparent behaviour often turns out to be quite contrary to the truth. For instance when physical education activities such as marching, drills and exercises were started in the Playground, those who wanted to participate had to give their names to Mother. One sadhak who had given his name went and met her. Later Mother told me what passed between them. She asked him several questions; one of them was: “Will you be able to jump?” In answer, he immediately jumped, and from Mother’s reactions he concluded that she was pleased. But in fact, as she told me, “His jump was so poor that it made me smile but he felt he had demonstrated a good jump!”

C.R. Reddy

C.R. Reddy saw Sri Aurobindo on the 20th of December, 1948, to present the award of Andhra University. That day Mother came at 8.30 a.m. and told me that she was going to come to Sri Aurobindo’s room at 9.45 to prepare things. C.R. Reddy came in at 10.58 a.m. and was there for half an hour.

Afterwards Mother said of him: “He is a nice man. He understands things.” She had said the same thing the previous evening, when she first met him.

He gave to Sri Aurobindo a gold medal and a sum of Rs. 1116. Mother gave the medal to me for safe-keeping and sent the cash to be put in the box in which only money offered to Sri Aurobindo was kept.

Night Opens Into Day

24.1.1949

When Mother finished her day’s programme it was 3.50 a.m. She turned to Dyuman and said: “No time to go to bed.”

And she did not rest at all. I went for my bath and Dyuman went to attend to his work which was waiting for him.

Puzzling

25.1.1949

After seeing some people at the door on the top of the stairs from 6.50 to 7.10 a.m., Mother went to the Balcony at 7.15. For various reasons the time of Balcony darshan never remained fixed. Then there was another programme after which she would go downstairs for Pranam, and Kamala and I would accompany her.

Today I was waiting in Sri Aurobindo’s room for Mother to come in as usual for combing his hair when she called me at 9.35 a.m. As she had called, I went out to her and she looked at me. I could not understand what her look meant and asked: “Mother, what is it?”

She was surprised at my question but she said: “Going down!”

Hesitatingly I asked: “Mother, you are not coming to Sri Aurobindo’s room?” I was wondering whether she had changed the time of her coming to Sri Aurobindo’s room, as she used to do at times.

Mother immediately said: “Yes, yes.”

She would never forget anything concerning Sri Aurobindo and yet that day this happened. Only one who has known her can imagine the circumstances that made her forget this item of her programme.

What is Special?

25.1.1949

It was 9 p.m. and Mother was not yet back from the Playground. As it was late, Sri Aurobindo enquired: “Mother has still not come? Any special programme there tonight?”

C: “I do not know.”

Then I went out to find out the reason and happened to meet Debu⁶³. He said Mother was talking to Pranab. I went back to Sri Aurobindo and told him.

Sri Aurobindo: “Ah, ah!”

Mother came back at 9.35 p.m.

Where is Champaklal?

27.1.1949

After his bath in the evening, Sri Aurobindo used to sit on his bed leaning against the back-rest. On hearing the approach of Mother’s car returning from the Playground, Nirod and I would adjust the back-rest and arrange things a little before Mother came in. Today I was not there and when Nirod started doing those things, Sri Aurobindo asked him: “What is the matter with Champaklal?”

I was invariably present there, but somehow today I was a little late; although when Mother entered from one door I entered Sri Aurobindo’s room from another – just in time for her. This was the first time I missed being there in time to arrange things. But when I heard that Sri Aurobindo had enquired of me, I realised – with what feelings you can imagine – how much he cared. He always noted everything going on around him but never asked anything in this way.

Champaklal’s Birthday

2.2.1949

Mother came to Sri Aurobindo’s room at 7 a.m. She told him: “Today is Champaklal’s birthday. I am keeping his notebook (for birthday messages) here on the table.”

Every year both of them used to write a message for me in it; first Sri Aurobindo wrote and then under it the Mother⁶⁴.

Sri Aurobindo looked at me with a broad smile. But I took the notebook from the table and placed it in Mother’s hand saying: “Mother, it is quite enough if you write.”

In spite of his failing eyesight Sri Aurobindo himself had never said it was difficult for him to write and Mother too gave him my notebook just for my sake. Both looked at me and gave very broad smiles.

Pranab’s Fist

4.2.1949

When Mother came to Sri Aurobindo’s room in the afternoon she brought the sketch she had done of Pranab’s fist and profile. She showed it to Sri Aurobindo who looked at it, smiled and nodded. On seeing the sketch, I said it was full of strength.

Mother pointed out the fist to Sri Aurobindo and asked: “The strength is there?”

Sri Aurobindo: “Y-e-s.”

Why Champaklal does not Like

Once it happened that some photographs were placed before Mother for signing. I pointed to a photo of Sri Aurobindo – the one without the chair at the back – and said: “Mother, I do not like this photo at all.”

Mother looked at me with surprise: “What?”

C: “Yes, Mother, I do not like it.” Mother became a little serious.

I went downstairs and brought another photograph of Sri Aurobindo – the one with the chair visible at the back – and said:

“Mother, I like this one.”

Mother held the photo in her hand, went on looking at it for a very long time. I moved away to my place at a little distance.

At that time Amrita was with the Mother with some papers. She turned to him and said: “There is vital force, a living atmosphere in this photo; that is why Champaklal likes it. In the other photo there is supramental light but no vital life. That is why he does not like it.”

Mother Teaches Sanskrit Recitation

Do you remember the period when the Sanskrit recitations of Panditji of Rameshwaram were played in the Playground during meditations?

One of those days Mother said to me: “Satyakarma says that you recite the Chandi shlokas nicely. I would like to hear it. If it is nice, we will record it and play it at the meditation.”

I never expected that. I started reciting as I was used to – like an express train. Mother said, “No, no, no.” Then she taught me how to recite. At that time her expression was worth seeing. She was not actually reciting, words were not uttered physically, but her lips moved as if she spoke. She showed how the recitation ought to be done – slowly, each word distinct and separate, in quietness. Then she added: “Champaklal, you recite like this every morning. It will help you very much.” I did so and truly it was much help.

Madhav: “Why did you recite so fast?”

C: “I knew of no other way. From my childhood I had heard people reciting that way.”

Aghori-Baba and the Mother

Once an aghori-baba¹⁰³ came into my dream and said to me, “I have come to take you away. This is not your path. You were with me. Purani was also with me.” I told the Mother about this dream. Immediately she said, “Champaklal, I did not want to say what I had seen, but now I am telling you. He came to take you away from me. Then I said to him emphatically, ‘No, no. I want Champaklal.’” I cannot forget the expression on the Mother’s face when she said this. But who can say why she works the way she does?

In the same dream I also saw that the aghori-baba had a disciple who was very close to him. Baba believed all he told him. This disciple was for some reason extremely angry with me, so he said, “I curse you.” About this the Mother said, “I say the curse will turn into a blessing.” I shall also never forget her expression when she said these words.

At the end the Mother told me that it was not a mere dream. I believe the Mother must have witnessed this incident taking place in the subtle plane.

Caring for Mother

It was X’s birthday. When I informed Mother about it, she told me to keep Sri Aurobindo’s Letters on the Mother, for giving to him. I asked Mother to give him two photographs also.

Mother: “Why two? Give only Sri Aurobindo’s. Not mine. He does not care for me. Do you think he cares to see my face?”

C: “Mother, please give him your photo out of your Grace.”

Mother: “All right. Keep them ready and bring them down. If he asks for it we shall give him mine.”

C: “Mother, people like me won’t ask but we like to have things from you very much.”

Mother: “I know him, he is not like you. He does not care for my photo.”

We went downstairs for Pranam. Everything was kept ready. The man came but he did not ask for Mother’s photo. Still, as he was about to go away, I placed the photo in Mother’s hand saying “Grace…” She gave it without saying anything. (On other occasions like this she would say, “Champaklal wants me to give you this.”)

While climbing the staircase, I asked Mother: “X does not care for you?”

Mother: “When a boy is having a love affair with a girl, he does not care for me. Now he is busy with that, and so he does not care. In his case, even without that he would not care for me.”

C: “Mother, do I care for you or not?”

Mother: “I hope so.”

C: “Mother, are you not sure?”

Mother: “Why?”

C: “That means it may be the other way also. Otherwise you would not say ‘I hope so.’”

Mother: “No, no, Cham-pak-lal. I would have been surprised if it was the other way. That would have surprised me very much.”

And she patted me with feeling and gave a broad smile.

Dishonest

Someone complained to Mother about some people taking their food home in carriers and sharing it with unauthorised persons in their rooms. Mother said: “People are dishonest.” She said this thrice, and her displeasure was visible in her expression.

Later that day I asked: “Suppose I take the bread that comes to me as my quota and give it to somebody who has permission to stay here but is so poor that he cannot afford to pay for food from Dining Room. The person is very anxious to stay here. If I give my share to him, under these circumstances, is it still dishonest, is it stealing?”

Mother: “Yes.”

C: “Mother, I do not ask for anything extra. I only give from my share.”

Mother: “Yes, that is still dishonesty. What you are given is not meant for that.”

C: “Then, Mother, you will not find a single honest person in the Ashram.” Mother remained quiet, calm, serious.

It was indeed difficult for me to understand then. But today, by her Grace, I do.

Some Book!

Commenting on a book purporting to be based on her talks, Mother once said: “I won’t dare to open this book. I don’t know what stupid things are inside.”

Letter from Torn Bits

The Mother had written something on a piece of paper and torn it up. I collected those pieces and kept them in a special envelope – not for reading, but because I could not bring myself to throw away her handwriting. She observed this and thereafter started passing on such bits saying, “My handwriting.” At times she would tear them up; at times she would have me burn them. Occasionally she told me to burn them in her presence. At first I could not understand this. Afterwards I felt from seeing her expression that she was doing some occult work. I still remember that expression.

One day it so happened that she referred to a letter she had torn up and exclaimed: “What a pity I tore up that letter!”

I said to her immediately: “Mother, I will give you the letter.”

Mother: “What?”

I showed her the pieces I had preserved.

Mother: “What shall I do with these pieces?”

C: “Mother, I will give you your letter.”

So saying, I pasted the torn bits together and gave the letter to her.

Mother: “Oh Champaklal, you are an angel; you are an angel!”

“If I Tear?”

In those days the Mother used to count and arrange the currency notes that had been offered. Once it happened that some of the one-rupee notes had been stapled by the bank and she had some difficulty in separating them. I offered to do it. She looked at me and said, in a disarming manner: “If you tear any I will be angry, but if I tear them…?” And she smiled sweetly.

Chinese Language

On seeing the artistically designed cover of the Chinese translation of The Life Divine, Mother was specially pleased and remarked on Chinese habits and referred to their language. She said: “In Japan I had also learnt some Chinese besides the Japanese language; but only so much as was necessary to read the Chinese signboards there.”

Mother on Herself

Mother: “When I was five, even three years old, I was conscious. The beginning was made in the womb.”

No Exception

Charupada (who was in charge of the Ashram Reception department) brought a Minister from one of the States to the Mother for pranam during the morning. He asked Mother if the Minister could visit Sri Aurobindo’s room immediately.

Mother emphatically said: “NO. Champaklal is here.”

As you know, she had given me the charge of opening Sri Aurobindo’s room for visitors and she did not want to make any exceptions.

Words of the Mother

Mother said to Violette¹⁰: “Read the first chapter in the third series of Words of the Mother. It is very interesting.”

Replacement not the Solution

Once someone asked for a copy of the Bulletin from me. It was, he assured me, for Mother’s work. I did not ask Mother about it for I knew the person and it was for her work. After some time he returned that copy. I saw that it was not in a good condition and looked at him rather closely but I did not say anything to him. For I saw that he did not feel any regret about returning the copy in that condition. I remained quiet. I opened the journal and looked at the pages. Seeing that in some places he had marked lines in red, I could no longer remain quiet and exclaimed: “Oh, you have spoilt the Bulletin!” One can understand someone marking in his own copy; there is nothing to say then.

“Oh! It is nothing. I will replace it with a new one,” he replied in an off-hand manner.

“How can you replace something once you have spoilt it?” I asked him. “Once it is spoilt, it remains spoilt. It cannot be unspoilt. To replace it does not restore the situation. To bring a new one does not make any difference to what is damaged.”

I doubt if he understood what I meant. However, I did not tell Mother what had happened. But one day something similar took place and at that time I told the Mother of this incident and said: “It is impossible to replace what has been spoilt. But the man wouldn’t understand.”

“Yes, Champaklal,” Mother said softly. “You are right.” She looked so happy at what I had said; her expression was beatific.

True, in the ordinary life I too might have reacted in the same way as the other man. But to have lived with the Mother made all the difference in my outlook: Things are living entities and it is an insult to damage or misuse a thing and throw it away in favour of a new one.

The Bulletin

The Mother took keen interest in the Bulletin. It is known as the Mother’s journal. She used to give the necessary instructions to Jayantilal for it. She had full confidence in him and often accepted his suggestions. Sometimes she did not give him any instructions and left everything to him. At one time the Mother wanted to publish some articles on Art in the Bulletin and asked Jayantilal to write some pieces on the subject.¹⁰⁵

Mother was fully satisfied with Jayantilal’s work, but those who do the work have their own difficulties. Once Jayantilal came to ask Mother to permit him to print advertisements. She did not want to print advertisements in an Ashram magazine but when Jayantilal said that the Ashram had lost one lakh rupees in the last ten years (1949 to 1959), Mother reluctantly gave him the permission. She wanted only advertisements that were connected with education to be taken but it did not work. Finally, she had to give in to the financial situation and permit all advertisements. Jayantilal himself had not wanted it, but circumstances forced him to do it.

The Advent also was known as the Mother’s magazine. In the beginning, it was published from Madras according to her instructions. Mother India was known as Sri Aurobindo’s paper; it was at first published from Bombay and later from Pondicherry. Sri Aurobindo used to give instructions and guidance to Amal Kiran, its editor. After Sri Aurobindo’s Mahasamadhi, the Mother told Amal that from then on she would give him the necessary instructions.

Once, when issues of The Advent and Sri Aurobindo Mandir Annual (published from Calcutta) came to the Mother, she showed them to Nolini and to me and said, “See, there are more pages of advertisements than articles. Really, it is amusing.” Thus she sometimes made fun of the advertisements and sometimes showed her dislike of them. Apart from Nolini and me, occasionally, she also showed the advertisement pages to others.

The Advent was Nolini’s responsibility but was looked after by Madhav.

Boasting

I was once narrating to Mother something that had happened, taking care to be as exact as possible, avoiding all exaggeration. Suddenly she became serious and with a soft smile said: “Champaklal, don’t boast.”

C: “Mother, I am not boasting. I am telling you just what happened.”

Mother remained quiet.

C: “Mother, where is the boasting in that?”

Still she kept quiet.

I did not understand then. Years later, by her Grace, I realised that it was indeed boasting. My account had begun well but later self-praise entered it. Many may not agree. In ordinary life nobody would have called it boasting. But, in my view, it is different in spiritual life, and indeed, very few are free from this type of boasting.

Birthday Cards

I do not remember when the Mother started giving birthday cards. Children used to receive flowers from her when they came to her. They would be given extra flowers on their birthdays. On those days she also started giving roses.

I always had a liking for children who were open to Mother, whether I knew them personally or not. I wanted to give something on their birthdays to make them specially happy, something which they would learn to value when they grew up; but I wanted that my present should be associated with Mother or Sri Aurobindo. So I began to paint flowers and asked Mother to write the name of the child and “blessings” on the card, so that it became priceless. She might write the name, blessings and the date, or maybe only blessings, though on birthdays she usually wrote the name. I would present these cards to the children of visitors even if it was not their birthday. I used to give my card in Mother’s hand and Mother would write on the card in the presence of the child so that the child would remain for more time in Mother’s presence, would be happy to see her write and also, if the child were wise, would learn many things from that experience. But this was possible only because in those days there were very few children. Some children used to put both their hands on Mother’s feet and look at her so expressively while she was writing that it was a very interesting sight. On some occasions, when I did not give a card, Mother asked: “Champaklal, you have nothing for this child?” That made me feel bad, and so I started making cards for all the children. Mother was very happy about it. Soon I also started making cards for adults. But I was not painting for everybody: pictures of Mother and Sri Aurobindo were pasted instead.

When people learnt that the Mother was using folders for this purpose, they started preparing and offering them to her. Mother would look at them and remark: “Pretty”, “Very pretty”, “Excellent”, “Beautiful”, “Wonderful”, etc. Sometimes she would say that the picture was useless, quite useless, and would give it to me for covering up. I would cover such pictures with Sri Aurobindo’s or the Mother’s picture or that of some landscape, bird or animal and take the card back to her.

When some people wrote to Mother enclosing their letters in fine envelopes she would ask me to cover her name on the envelopes so that they could be used again. In the beginning I had hesitation to cover Mother’s name. But she wanted it and I obeyed; then she would often ask me to fetch a particular one from among them for her use. Of course, not all the envelopes that came were beautiful. I still have many of them.

While writing to people Mother would either choose the folders from her own collection or ask from mine, indicating which photo it had to have. At times she was particular that it should not be her own photo. Sometimes she would say that the person could not read and so she asked me to give pictures of beautiful flowers, landscapes, birds etc. Occasionally she would give me a memo in advance for special folders for the birthdays of certain people, even six months in advance in some cases. And when the cards were prepared she would always express her happiness. She would sometimes ask for a quotation that was “encouraging”, or “strong”, or “inspiring”. She would ask for a few quotations and would choose one herself. Rarely would she write out a new message.

It is interesting to know what the Mother once said about these cards. She said that sometimes the card would speak the name of the person to whom it was to go!

To some Mother used to write one card every day and I myself had to go and give the card to them, and that too at their convenience. This led to certain comments but I got used to them. All this is good you may say. But what would you say if I tell you that some chose to return the card that was given to them by Mother with so much love!

At times it so happened that she gave a card other than the one prepared for the person or asked for one more beautiful than the one previously chosen. To some Mother would give Sri Aurobindo’s books or her own, sometimes more than one. That became a tradition and many asked for books on their birthdays; some wrote beforehand, some sent a long list, some asked for only one or two. Mother would give some all they asked for, to some only one and to some none at all.

One interesting fact. To some Mother refused to give books because she considered the person unworthy of it. To some she refused, saying that it will prevent them from paying attention to their departmental work as they would then spend all their time in reading or in meditation and, during meditation, waste time by slipping into Tamas. In this too many changes came about.

There was a time when Mother used to give toffees to some birthday persons – sometimes the number corresponding to their age.

Thus birthdays received great importance.

To give to the Divine what one

has in excess is not an offering.

One should give at least something

out of what one needs.

The Mother

I liked it very much and asked the Mother to write it also for me and told her, “I wish to print it at the back of all birthday cards.” The gracious Mother wrote out the message and gave me the permission and cards were printed accordingly. But when the occasion arose and I put one of these new cards in her hand, she said, “No, no, I cannot give it because people do not appreciate this message.” So though specially printed for giving on all birthdays, they were put aside.

However, when she wanted to give that card to someone, she would say, “Champaklal, bring your birthday card.” Looking at a person I could judge which card Mother would want to give. At times, she gave that card to someone to whom she had previously refused to give it, saying, “No, no, I will not be able to give it.”

A Typical Morning

28.1.1960

You know, Mother’s programme never remained the same for long. True, she herself rarely changed it; but things used to happen in such a way that it automatically got changed.

Still, since you want me to narrate the morning programme before Balcony darshan and immediately after, I shall do so.

After my bath at 4 a.m. I go up and wait outside the netted outer door of the Mother’s room. After Pranab leaves I go inside. Today he leaves at 4.22 a.m. When I go in, Mother may be there, or she may have already gone to the inner room where she remains for some time, but comes out if there is some work, something to say or do, such as to have a bottle opened.

When she comes out, she hands me two small baskets containing clothes and a plastic bag with her handkerchief for washing. I take them with me when I go down with Mother and leave them in the boudoir (dressing-room) on the first floor, from where Vasudha will take them away after Balcony darshan.

Mother comes out of her room today at 6.05 a.m. to go down to the Balcony. Dyuman is standing in the long corridor near the boudoir with a glass of lithine¹⁰⁶ for her to drink. Then she takes one or two pills of Cachon – a French make, black in colour, something like the Japanese Simsin – and taking out another Cachon from the box, she places it on my palm. It is 6.10 by the time she has come down to the first floor. I follow her through the Salon. Near the small passage she stops to say Bonjour to Kamala who is waiting there. Further on, in the long corridor Mounnou is waiting; Mother tells her Bonjour and gives her a small biscuit tin which is kept ready. Formerly – Mounnou was then ten – Mother used to hold her hand and walk with her up to Pavitra’s laboratory.

Abhay Singh and Sujata are waiting near Pavitra’s laboratory door; and, a little further, stands Jayantilal. Inside the laboratory are Pavitra, Noren Singh, Sumantra, Suprabha and Sumitra¹⁰⁷. Nolini and Amrita are in Pavitra’s room.

On the window-side, to the south of the passage, stand Pujalal, Nirod and Biren; in front of the table, Kalyan¹⁰⁸ and Mrityunjoy¹⁰⁹. She greets them all, though not in the same way every day. She may look at them or just glance at them and go straight to the Balcony.

As Mother goes to the Balcony, Sujata and Abhay Singh follow her and wait in Pavitra’s laboratory.

After the Balcony, she sees those who are waiting in Pavitra’s laboratory. If anyone has any work, she attends to it and gives instructions. Then it is Jayantilal’s turn to speak if he has anything to say or ask. She proceeds thereafter to the window where she gives me her veil for keeping in her room. This is where the papier-maché pigeon made at Ganapatram’s¹¹⁰ cottage industries is kept. Mother had herself selected it and asked for it to be placed there.

In the corner there is Udar¹¹¹ who waits for Mother after the Balcony darshan. Mother says Bonjour. If he has anything urgent to say, she replies to him; otherwise she takes the letters he has brought with her upstairs.

Inside the Salon Dr. Sanyal¹¹² is waiting near the cupboard. Mother greets him with a Bonjour. She glances again at the small passage near the staircase door where Kamala, Rassendran¹¹³, Chandana¹¹⁴, Doctor-babu’s grandson Tarun and Arpita are waiting. Then Mother goes upstairs, the doctor follows. I go behind them up to the landing. Mother and Dr. Sanyal go into her room. I come down and fetch one tray of breakfast. Dyuman brings up another.

Selecting Birthday Cards

18.7.1962

It is Sumitra’s birthday. Mother asked me to bring a beautiful folder with one of my paintings. When I brought one, she remarked, “Oh! very beautiful, very beautiful! But I cannot give it to her for I have not given such a beautiful folder to her sister Sujata. Bring another; I shall give her another one.”

This was Mother’s way of working. Not only did she care for each individual but she remembered what she had given them. The folder given to Sujata was beautiful but not as beautiful as this one. How careful Mother was in giving folders to each individual! To some she always gave special folders and Sujata was one of them.

Pranam

Like all of Mother’s programmes, the arrangement for her giving Pranam also underwent many changes.

In the early years Mother used to come downstairs for meditation and Pranam in the Meditation hall in which the Mother’s couch is kept since 18th November 1973. During meditation and Pranam, Mother would sit on a low meditation-seat kept along the eastern wall of this hall. This ornate wooden asana (seat) was brought by Purani from Bharooch; his father had used it during his worship and meditations. (After Mother stopped coming downstairs, Promode Kumar’s Darshan painting was hung on this wall.) For many years, Mother’s chair was kept beside the staircase, facing east, during the time people came to her for Pranam or distribution. (On special occasions her chair was kept along the northern wall of the inner hall.)

In 1927, when Sri Aurobindo and the Mother moved from Library House to Meditation House, Bijoy was given the small room which later became Bula’s room (the room to its north was Purani’s). And for many years, after Bijoy shifted to another place, Mother used that small room to accept Pranam in the mornings.

Talking of that period reminds me that while Mother gave Pranam here I swept her two rooms upstairs. Then, when she came up after Pranam, I would sit at the door and help her take off her sandals and put on the ones she wore indoors. (In one of her paintings Chinmayee has depicted this scene.) This work, perhaps insignificant to some, was for me an occasion to feel blessed. In her infinite Grace, the compassionate Mother gave many such opportunities. I am filled with ananda when I reminisce about them.

Promode Kumar’s Darshan Painting

15.8.1962

Since I have mentioned Promode Kumar’s Darshan painting I shall say something about it which is bound to enrapture those with natures like mine.

Promode Kumar was one of the famous artists of Bengal. For some years he was the principal of Kalabhavan in Baroda. He was an ardent seeker and a devotee of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother. An instance of Promode Kumar’s absolute faith in the Mother’s grace is that he never locked his room when he went out for work or a walk.

When he settled here he brought a large collection of his paintings. Mother always showered her grace on him. Now, after completing this painting of the Darshan, he wanted to show it to the Mother. But the Mother had stopped coming down, and it was not possible to carry the huge painting up the narrow stairs.

There are two flights of stairs leading to the Mother’s room from the Salon. The first one leading to “Champaklal’s studio” – the name Mother gave to the landing – was too narrow for the painting; so it was decided to hoist it up directly from the eastern side of the Salon through a large opening which is normally covered with a curtain, into Champaklal’s studio. The curtain was removed and the painting was pulled up through that space. Standing in the small netted hallway outside her room the Mother looked at the painting which was held up to her view.

Later, with Mother’s consent, the painting was installed in the Meditation hall downstairs. This is how her incessant Grace fulfills the ardent desire of her devotees. However, after this some of those who were opposed to it being there, tried their utmost to get it removed from there. But Promode Kumar was a devotee of Shakti, and Mother had also to satisfy his devotion! So we still find the painting there.

Painting for Nehru

30.1.1963

When Nehru came to the Ashram, I expressed to Mother my wish to present to him one of my paintings, if she approved of it. Mother liked the idea and said: “Yes.”

I took a small painting to her. She liked it very much and at once wrote on it: The last fight for the Light’s Victory.

Then she placed the painting in my hand with a broad, gracious smile.

Magnificent Height

A calendar with a picture of the Himalayan ranges was sent by V’s brother from Bombay. Mother gave the calendar to me. The picture was beautiful but in the foreground there was a man sitting on a boulder. I felt that if the man’s figure was covered up with a photograph of the Mother, a new picture with a different atmosphere would emerge. A photo of Mother printed in one of the early calendars came to mind and I cut it out and pasted it over the figure – and there emerged a magnificent picture with a totally new spirit. I took it to Mother who held it in her hands and looked at it for a long time. She was very pleased and, smiling sweetly, kept it with her.

Later, when Sehra (Amal’s wife) came to meet her, Mother showed her that picture and praised it a lot; then she said, “A photograph can be taken from this picture. It will look as if I am in the Himalayas – as if I have manifested there.”

Sehra got two copies made here by our Ashram photographer Chiman. But since the result was not satisfactory the picture was sent to Bombay with Sehra’s sister Minna. She got copies made there by V. Two copies were in colour and two black and white. Mother gave me one saying, “Your photo.” Then she asked me if I had any more calendars sent by V. I said “No.” During this conversation Udar was present. He promised Mother to procure some and did so. Mother was happy to receive them.

Wherever She Saw Some Possibility

27.4.1964

Yvonne had brought Thoth¹¹⁵, the monkey she had adopted, to Mother as it was his birthday today. The interview took place in the Music room¹¹⁶. I was there by Mother’s side.

It was interesting that from the moment Thoth came into the room he behaved not only with Mother but even with me as if he knew us both. He sat in Mother’s lap, folded his hands and did namaskar and looked at her so wonderfully. The Mother gave him the flower Sri Aurobindo’s Compassion to eat; he was very fond of it. He played for a while, then jumped and sat on my head and played with me too! So very human!

Mother always helped wherever she saw some possibility.

Enquiry about the Envelope

Once the Mother was offered some lined envelopes. She was very particular about using those envelopes. It so happened that an Ashramite offered some money or a letter in one such envelope. After he left the Mother showed it to me. I had also noticed it and was wondering from where he had got it, when Mother asked: “Champaklal, how did he get this envelope?” I could not give an answer but it set me thinking.

Here something interesting comes to mind. When Mother’s second-floor room was being constructed, I once went to the landing between the two flights of stairs that take us from the Salon to that room; I felt how wonderful it would be if I could live on that landing. It was just a thought – there was no such possibility in sight then. But here too it happened as has often in other cases. Gradually when I was not upstairs, attending to the Mother, I began to spend my time there – preparing folders and doing other little jobs given by the Mother. This is why Mother named it Champaklal’s studio.

To resume the story. I had kept a pile of those lined envelopes in my studio and that Ashramite had probably picked one up from there. But how could he do that? Surely no one would take anything from Mother’s things without permission. So when Mother asked me how he got it, I could not answer, but when she asked me the second question, “Did you give it to him?” I denied it and Mother was surprised. Later, I told him that Mother was asking from where he had procured that cover. He became very serious and confessed hesitantly that he had picked it up from my studio, adding, “It was a great blunder on my part; I am ashamed and sorry that I took it without your permission. It is very painful that I have lost your trust. The next time if something is missing you will suspect me. I know quite well that it is not a question of taking that envelope but of losing your trust.”

At first I was shocked – how could this sadhak do it without permission! But when he showed his heart-felt repentance, I realised that there are people who can learn from mistakes. I perceived that he was not pretending. Of course there are people who may think, what a big fuss just for one envelope!

Raksha-Bandhan

29.8.1964

I do not remember from which year Mother started tying the raksha to my hand on the occasion of the Raksha-bandhan festival. It continued for many years. Usually it would be a small simple band that had been offered to Mother.

Once, however, a fancy band, bigger in size, had come. Mother brought it to me saying: “You will look beautiful; see it is beautiful!” And she tied it on my wrist; then she said, “No, no,” and tied it further up. I still have that band. The other raksha bands that I have preserved are equally indicative of her infinite Grace.

Jyotin and Flowers

You remember the old Bakery house just opposite the Ashram main building? A small flour-mill was also there. Now the building has become part of the School. Jyotin¹¹ used to live there. When this house had to be vacated for the School, it was arranged that Jyotin would move to Delafon house. But it was reported to Mother that he refused to go there. Mother was clearly unhappy at this reaction. I told Mother that there must have been some misunderstanding and I was sure that Jyotin would never go against her wish. I promised to see him and report.

Accordingly, I went and ascertained the facts from him and reported to Mother that actually Jyotin was ready to go wherever she asked him to. She was very pleased. When Jyotin came to Mother, she received him sweetly and said: “Champaklal was pleading for you very much.” She then looked at both of us and gave a very affectionate smile.

All that is now an old story. Recently [early 1970s] he came with a significant smile on his face and gave me one small rose. I asked him what was special about that day. He simply smiled. When I still could not understand, he said: “Mother used to give you this flower.”

Then I remembered how Mother used to give these flowers. Every day she would collect all the small pink roses (Tender love) from among the flowers she had received that day and keep them for the next morning. Then in the morning, she would place these small roses in one dish, arrange them in two lots, one for me and the other for Kamala and after my pranam she would give me my lot. After me Kamala would receive hers. This went on for a long time. Then this particular flower was stopped and Mother started giving Champa (Psychological perfection). This continued for some time. Then she started with roses, special ones tinted at the tips of the petals. Once she wrote this comment on the significance of one these roses: The inside is calm but the action is often passionate.

Then the giving of these roses too stopped and Mother began to give me all the Humility and Champa flowers that she had received during the day.

Seeing Mother’s Light

Bijoy Nag’s wife, Rani, had been asked to shift from her room in Delafon as it was the School’s primary section and the School needed it.

When I heard this, I told Mother: “Mother, there are many who look at the light in your room before retiring to bed. Surely Rani too must be doing that. So if she is shifted to another room she will no longer be able to do this.”

Then I went to Delafon and talked with Rani; she confirmed what I had told Mother. I came back and informed Mother and she gave permission for Rani to continue to live in that room.

Don’t Listen to People

Often Mother used to ask for quotations. I used to select some, get Rose or Vasanti and later also X to type them out for me. Once I had given X the following four quotations from Sri Aurobindo’s writings for typing:

“Live within; be not shaken by outward happenings.”

“Aspire intensely but without impatience.”

“All can be done if the God-touch is there.”

“All things shall change in God’s transfiguring hour.”

He said that it would be better if the first line were omitted as it was not poetic and would not go along with the other three lines. But he was prepared to do as I said. I confessed to him that in this matter I knew next to nothing. All the same I told him that I had to ask the Mother and I did so.

When she heard everything, Mother became serious and said: “Don’t listen to these people. I find it perfect. Do not remove it. Keep it as it is.” Then repeated: “Don’t listen to them.”

“Your Will be done!”

X’s son Nikhil came here to study in our School. Mother knew X very well and she also liked the boy. Nikhil was eager to stay here but not against the wishes of his father.

Now, he was the only son and his mother could not live without him; so the father wired that Nikhil should come back home. Mother asked me to wire back as follows: “Wiser leave Nikhil here. Take no hasty decision. Listen to your soul. Awaiting your reply. Blessings, Mother.”

But the father decided to take away the son. Seeing Nikhil thus helpless, Mother asked me to wire to the father: “Let your will be done, and not the Divine’s will. My love and blessings will remain with you. – 1.6.1965.”

Later when the father asked for permission to come, Mother had me wire: “Mother permits your coming but she will definitely not talk about your son.”

You may wonder why Mother acted in this way. Even though the parents had taken the child away against her wishes, still the gracious Mother granted the father an opportunity to meet her. Only she refused to talk about the child. This refusal can be understood in two ways: first she would not comment on it and second she would not give him a clear explanation.

Mother and Rishi

C: “Mother, you say I am your child and I was so in my previous birth also. But I have a strong feeling that I was the son of a Rishi.”

Mother: “How do you know that I was not the Rishi?”

Donation of the Eyes

1966

I mentioned to Mother that I wished to donate one of my eyes for anybody who needed it. If Mother did not approve of the donation of one eye, then both of my eyes stood donated after death.

Mother: “No, no, no. Your eyes belong to me. Your eyes belong to me. This is a hostile suggestion. I do not approve of this donation of eyes at all.”

Excellent

Once, on seeing two paintings of mine, Mother turned to Pavitra and exclaimed: “Excellent, excellent! These are much more interesting than modern art. They have something… something to say. They are far, far, infinitely better than the others.”

Biggest Baby

16.12.1966

This day is observed as the birthday of the “Homes”, the student hostels of our School. All the children from the Homes had come for Pranam. When they finished, Mother looked at me, smiled and said: “Biggest baby of all.” And she patted me.

Appreciation of the Beautiful

Mother never failed to notice anything beautiful and express her appreciation of it. It might be just a wrapping paper; still, if it was attractive, she would remark upon that.

You know how Silloo, the sister of Soli Albless¹¹⁸, used to bring a lot of things wrapped in beautiful paper and elegantly arranged. They were all samples of items sold in her boutique. Mother used to be very happy on seeing them; quite often she would appreciate the wrapper more than the thing inside!

I would always stand by her side watching with pleasure. Once seeing my expression, Mother told Silloo: “You know Champaklal has as much love for paper as I have.”

The German couple, Eckhard and his wife, were also bringing things beautifully packed and it was a joy to see Mother’s happiness.

Nothing would escape her notice. Even with letters it was so – she noted the handwriting, the size of the letters, the direction of the lines, the flourish of the signature, etc., commenting at the same time with expressive gestures. Sometimes it would be: “Very tidy man; an orderly man!” Sometimes she would take back the letter saying, “Let me see, let me see,” and then observe: “Arrogant… puffed-up” or “Confused mind” or “Disorderly nature” and so forth.

How the Grace Works

4.4.1967

Mother: “All your worries will go away. You see, the Grace teaches us not to plan in advance.”

Mother’s Way

There was a time when Mother was very particular about X, a sadhika. She would always give top priority to X’s letters, needs, etc. But X had many pursuits, what you might call distractions. One day Mother gave me a letter to be delivered to X and said, “Tout de suite”, meaning immediately.

C: “It will be done. But Mother, you are so particular about her, but she is not particular about you.”

Mother: “I know that.”

C: “Perhaps one day she will realise the value of what you are doing for her, I do not know.” Mother: “When that happens, I shall leave her.”

Do you see? That was one the Mother’s many ways of awakening people to the Truth, in this case X. Once the awakening is effected in an individual, there is no need for her to occupy herself further with him or her.

Driving away Ghosts

Following a complaint by Roger¹¹⁹ that the house rented by him on the sea-shore, next to the Selva Park, was haunted, Mother asked me and Amrita to go to that house and perform the orthodox ritual usually done in these situations. She told me that formerly she used to send Purani on such missions but now she wanted me to do it and Amrita would accompany me.

I knew that Mother was using me as an instrument and it was with that faith that we went to the house. I carried some water left in the bathtub after Mother had taken her bath; I also took a vessel with a good quantity of burning charcoal. Once inside the house, I added lots of frankincense, sandalwood powder, etc. to the burning embers and filled all the rooms with its smoke. At the same time I sprinkled that bath-water in every corner of the house to the accompaniment of the chanting of the Vedic mantra. After doing this upstairs I came down and was going through the same ceremony in the passage on the ground-floor. All of a sudden I beheld two figures – vague, indistinct, whitish – walking out of the door. On returning, I gave an account of all that happened to the Mother. She said it was interesting, and asked: “Did Amrita also see them?”

C: “No, he did not.”

Next day I learnt that a couple had committed suicide in that house and ever since it had been a haunted place. Needless to say there has been no trouble since then to anyone living there.

Forgetting Them

When he was leaving after his first visit in November 1920, Dikshitbhai had prayed for Sri Aurobindo’s Grace so that he might never forget him. When I learnt this from Dikshitbhai, I was vastly amused. I thought Sri Aurobindo has so many disciples and he might forget us, but how can we forget him? However, later, by Their Grace, I realised that They never forget us, it is we who forget them.

Similarly, when Mother was receiving people in the Music room, some visitors used to pray to the Mother not to forget them. Mother would normally not reply; she would only smile or gesture. Some would not understand and go back dissatisfied. On occasions, I myself used to speak to them in Mother’s presence and explain things to them. Mother would approve and say: “Quite so.”

Add ‘Sincere’

22.4.1967

When I went into Mother’s room with a glass of coconut water, Amrita said: “Champaklal has come.” Mother immediately asked me to bring the thick sketching pen. With that she wrote “SINCERITY” and gave it to Amrita. It was for someone.

Then she wrote on another piece of paper:

Be honest, faithful, patient, enduring… and happy!

C: “Add ‘sincere’, Mother.”

Mother: “No!”

C: “I want it for myself, Mother.”

Mother: “All right.”

Then she wrote on another paper:

Champaklal,

Be honest, sincere, faithful, patient, enduring… and happy!

With love

The Mother

Special Day

4.5.1967

Mother gave a special Darshan on this day as it was considered an important date in the Manifestation. Later, when copies of a photograph of hers taken on that occasion arrived, she gave me one on which she wrote “Blessings” and said:

4 Manifestation

5 Power

6 Creation

7 Realisation

Nice Girl but not Obedient

28.4.1968

Someone sent photographs of a boy and a girl considering marriage to be shown to Mother. The parents of the boy did not like the girl, but the girl was pursuing the boy. On seeing the girl’s photo, Mother said: “She is a nice girl, clever; but she won’t be an orthodox Indian wife, gentle and obedient.”

Towards Transformation

9.8.1968 (about 10 a.m.)

The following was noted by Amrita at my instance and later approved by the Mother.

The Mother said: “Something is going on which is interesting. They are saying I am not collaborating¹²⁰. It is not for me personal. Something is being done in order to save them – the work of transformation.”

The Mother patted Champaklal and blessed him and said: “Do not worry.” The Mother repeated this three times to Champaklal and continued: “It is the image of the world.”

The Mother called Nolini and said: “It is not an illness. I will tell you one day what it is¹²¹.”

Gift

As you know I am not in the habit of accepting presents from people. However once somebody had brought a box of chocolates or something like that. The Mother gave it to me saying: “C’est très bon [It is very good]. Take it, Champaklal, it is from me.”

Along with the box was a paper on which she had written:

Take it as coming from me.

21.1.1969

Special Pranam

When Mother used to see people in the Music room, she would write their names and those of the birthday people who were expected to come up, in her interview book. Then she would prepare another list on a loose sheet of paper for me. I had to send everyone into her room in the order she had drawn up. At times other people would come along with the person authorised. In such cases I had to inform her. And when I informed who wanted to come with whom, she would usually say: “All right.”

One day, however, she asked me: “Champaklal, are you asking or is he asking?”

C: “Mother, they like to come.”

Mother: “But has he asked?”

C: “Mother, some people ask and generally you allow. You rarely refuse. But some nice people hesitate and do not ask, though they would very much like to come. You know very well Mother, that I do my best to be helpful especially to those who do not ask.”

Mother smiled and said: “All right.”

This happened quite often.

Mother Has Come for Work

One day, during the later years, Mother was ill. After her sparse breakfast, she asked me: “Champaklal, what shall I do, rest or work?”

C: “Work, Mother.”

Mother: “Why?”

C: “You have come for work, Mother.”

Mother: “All right, call the people.”

She said it so readily and sweetly that I rushed out and called all those who were waiting outside on the terrace beside the Music room. And she went through the whole programme as if nothing was the matter with her health. On some occasions when sadhaks threw their weaknesses or ill-will on Mother, her distress was obvious when she looked at me. And I would say, “Mother, you have come for that.” At times she would smile; at times there was no expression.

Children in Sri Aurobindo’s Room

Children were allowed in Sri Aurobindo’s room only after 1950.

As you know, I have always had a special feeling for children, irrespective of whether they are known to me or not. That is why I often go out of my way and take interest in them.

It is quite an education to watch people, especially families with children, when they come to Sri Aurobindo’s room. When they approach the Darshan room, some parents put money in the hands of their children for offering to Sri Aurobindo. Some make the children offer it all and themselves do not give anything; some offer money after their children have done so. Some husbands make their wives do the offering, while some husbands do it themselves and give nothing to their wives to offer. And of course there are some who do not offer anything at all. At times when people bend down to make Pranam, money falls out from their pockets – some quietly put it back in their pockets, some offer the whole amount, some keep a part and offer the rest.

Now some children, when they see their parents offering money, look up expectantly at the parents but they are disappointed.

Once it happened that there was a family of three: the child was about five years old. All stood with folded hands, with eyes closed. There was a slight noise; it was the father opening his purse. He took out some money, passed it on to his wife and they both offered it. In the meanwhile, the boy had opened his eyes and was looking intently at his parents, without speaking a word. They did not take notice of him. But seeing his expression I could not contain myself and spoke to the parents to kindly give a few coins at least to the child who was so eager to offer. The father did so immediately and said he was sorry. I told him that whoever may do the actual offering, the Divine knows very well who has earned that money and so he need not be particular about offering it himself. He admitted that it was true, and added that it was ignorance on his part. On a similar occasion, another father said he was extremely grateful for my drawing his attention to this point and he would never forget it.

Nowadays, however, I have stopped making suggestions of this kind. I have left things to the Divine Will.

You know Kishorilal’s daughter, Uttama. When she was about five, she used to come with her father to this room. When they were in the room for the first time together, the little girl pulled her father’s shirt and he bent down to hear what she wanted to say. She put her hand in his pocket and pulled out everything in it. A wad of notes fell down, the girl picked it up and offered it in the tray. Her father allowed her to do that. The next time also she did the same thing. It was a sight to see her doing it so spontaneously and also to watch her father indulgently smiling.

Sees Others’ Convenience

Almost on every Christmas Mother used to call Mona¹²² who is in charge of Golconde but at a time that was convenient to her. Mother adjusted her programme to suit Mona’s convenience! And she would see each thing brought by Mona with keen interest and appreciation. It was such a delight for me to watch her showering her Grace.

There are numerous other examples of Mother’s going out of her way to extend her Grace to people and I am always grateful that she gave me the opportunity to be present on those occasions to share the joy.

Christmas Presents

Madhav: “Champakbhai, I remember you had a very interesting meeting with the Mother on one Christmas day. I shall just recall it; would you please confirm if all the details are correct?”

C: “Yes.”

M: “You had just come back from the Ashram Theatre [where the Christmas celebration and distribution were held] and were sitting in your studio trying out the toys you had received – the whistle etc. Just then Amrita came out of Mother’s room and told you: ‘Mother says that if Champaklal wants to show his Christmas presents, she is ready to see them.’ Accordingly you went up to her and showed those things. She took them one by one, tried the whistle and all. Then there was a small comb. She took it, passed it through her hair, then combed your beard and left it there in the beard saying, ‘Au revoir.’ Is that right?”

C: “Ah yes, I had forgotten. But now that you say it, I remember. It did take place as you have described. I had been to the Theatre on Christmas day only once, I could not go there afterwards. However, Mona would send two bags to me – one for me and one for the child in me. Mother used to take special interest and have fun with the toys – to please her child.”

Mother’s Sketches

Mother had kept some sketches done by herself in a file and given it to me for safekeeping. Some years later she asked for the file. When I brought it, what took place in the case of the old soap-bits happened here as well.

Mother told me: “No, you keep the file. I give it to you.” Two of these sketches were portraits, one of herself and the other of Sri Aurobindo. These two were given only for safe custody; the rest were given to me.

Long after, Krishnalal wanted to exhibit Mother’s paintings in our Studio and asked her permission. Mother permitted it but asked me not to give him her larger paintings. I asked her if the smaller framed paintings which were kept with me could be given as they would be returned once the exhibition was over. She said: “Yes.”

When Krishnalal wanted to return the paintings after the exhibition, I told Mother:

“Vasudev looks after these paintings and keeps them very well. I have seen him working. They both take great care. If Mother approves, I can ask them to keep the paintings with them.”

She did not reply. So I asked again:

“They can all remain in one place. Formerly it was different. You did not allow your paintings to be taken out at all. Now you have permitted it. Can they keep your sketches and the three portraits done by you, one of Sri Aurobindo and two of yourself?”

Mother: “They may keep my paintings. As for the sketches which I have given to you, you can do as you like. But I would like that you keep the three portraits (the one of Sri Aurobindo and the two of myself). All the rest can remain there since you say that they keep things carefully.” I did accordingly.

In Difficulty

X was in great difficulty. When he came to Mother, she said: “Forget everything. Don’t do again what is not to be done.”

And she looked at him. The words were few but a change came over him and he went away smiling.

What She Expects

It was reported that a certain boy was not working well. On hearing it Mother said: “What I expect from people is that they must be honest, sincere, courageous and steady.”

Requirements

In the course of some remarks while dealing with a letter Mother said: “I want three kinds of people, those who can work, those who do sadhana, those who have money. At least one of these things must be there. When I say sadhana, it is not a nominal sadhana, but the true sadhana.”

When to Take to this Path?

A doctor wanted to stay here. He asked Mother if she would advise him to take up the spiritual path.

Mother: “You should take up this spiritual path only when you cannot do otherwise, when nothing else matters to you.”

Individuality and Ego

The Mother said of someone: “Highly developed individuality. A magnified ego is ruling the being.”

“Only One Matrimandir”

5.10.1971

Some devotees who constructed a special building at their centre asked Mother to give her consent to their naming it ‘Matrimandir’.

I said: “Mother, there is only one Matrimandir, the one you are building in Auroville. This name should not be used anywhere else.”

Then Mother herself, without my asking for it, wrote out the note below and signed it:

There is only one Matrimandir, the Matrimandir of Auroville.

The others must have other name.

The Mother.

Thereafter, to anybody who asked permission to use this name she would say the same thing.