Mother informed Sri Aurobindo: “André⁷⁶ is coming today from France. They want to arrange things in such a way that he can meet me as soon as he comes from Madras without waiting. I do not know where to see him; there is no place where I could see him alone. Generally, I arrange these things in Mona’s office at Golconde. I think I will see him there. It is many years since we last met. Perhaps if we met on the road without being introduced to each other I would not know him, and he too would not recognise me. Many years have passed, he was eighteen when I left and in all these years hardly twenty letters have been written. He reads your books and understands them too. He has sent his wife’s photo; she resembles me. André also wrote to me that she resembles me very much. That is true.”

The Mother’s Training

When Mother’s son André came to Pondicherry for the first time, she told him, “Champaklal has been trained by me.” I feel that she is still training me.

There were many things that I did not like, and sometimes I spoke out my opposition. But sometimes when Mother herself was doing those things, though a strong reaction would arise in me, I would not express it; but when I could not control myself, I did express myself. And when I was opposed to something but kept silent, that too Mother was aware of. Everything she is now making me understand, either by showing me actual happenings or making me do them myself. I have many instances of this before me. All this may seem banal to many, but to me writing about it is itself an offering.

I did not approve the worship of anyone’s photograph.

In childhood I was attracted by the Arya Samaj. Seeing the Arya Samajists worship Dayanand I used to wonder what was the difference between the worship of idols, which they opposed, and their worshipping a photograph! The same question used to arise in me regarding Sri Aurobindo’s and Mother’s photos. But later, the Mother explained to me that the worship of photographs too had its place and necessity. I was also against the opening of centres and the installing of relics but the Mother explained to me their necessity. Of course, nothing is done from the right perspective; but what can be done about that?

His Blessings

5.11.1949

Normally when the Mother came to Sri Aurobindo’s room she would take his hand and kiss it. But today when she came to him she bent her head before him, and Sri Aurobindo placed his hand on her head and blessed her.

It was a rare privilege to witness it. I cannot describe what I felt.

He Enquires

7.11.1949

It was midnight. Sri Aurobindo asked me whether Mother had come up after the Pranam. “Yes, long back, at 11.40,” I replied.

Sri Aurobindo: “Then, why did you not tell me?”

C: “I thought you must have known!” Usually I did not inform him about it unless asked.

Bad Temper

16.11.1949

Copies of the latest number of the Bulletin had arrived. Mother gave me one. I said: “I don’t need.”

Mother: “You don’t need it?” She repeated the question three times.

C: “No, Mother. I don’t need it.”

Mother: “You are not interested in this?” She opened the Bulletin and showed me Sri Aurobindo’s article. “You are not interested in this? Have I given you the previous one?”

C: “No. I have two numbers.”

Mother went in, brought the others and said: “Take these, I give you four numbers.”

C: “But Mother, I don’t need.”

Mother: “Bad temper! What is the matter? Take it, it will do you good.” Then I took two numbers.

You want to know why I behaved this way? You know that I used to pass into different moods. At this particular period I was feeling that anyway I was not going to understand what was written in the Bulletin and I saw no point in taking copies and keeping them. But you see how, in her compassion, the Mother dealt with the situation. It was typical.

In Difficulties

19.11.1949

A sadhak was in difficulties. Mother told him: “It is best to do some useful work, with selflessness and sincerity.”

André on Mother

21.11.1949

Nolini informed Mother that he had received a letter from Calcutta stating that, at a meeting there, André spoke for fifteen minutes on the Mother.

Mother: “About me? What can he say?”

N: “He spoke of his boyhood memories and said that Mother used to say even then that she has come with a special mission.”

Mother: “Yes, it is true.”

Excellent Concentration

24.11.1949

As soon as Mother returned from the Playground she came to Sri Aurobindo’s room to comb his hair. Today being Darshan day his hair had remained loose during the Darshan period. Mother came to tie it up in two plaits on either side as it was convenient for him that way.

While combing she said to him: “The concentration at the Playground was excellent. I do not know why.”

Sri Aurobindo did not say anything.

C: “The period between the end of the day and the beginning of the night, sandhya, is very favourable for concentration.”

Mother: “On the contrary, today it was still daytime!”

Nirod: “Perhaps the boys and girls were tired after play.”

Mother: “Perhaps.”

C: “Mother, what were you doing at the time of concentration? Did you do the same thing as on other days?”

Mother said very slowly, looking at me affectionately and smiling: “That is not your business.” But she said it so sweetly that the words had no sting in them, as there was on certain other occasions, when she gave the same answer to some others.

Smile Always

29.11.1949

Every morning Mother would say “Bonjour!” to me. Today she picked up the flower Eternal smile, took my hand and put the flower in the centre of my palm. Then she pinched my palm, kept her hand pressed over it for some time and said:

Champaklal,

smile always,

smile in difficulties,

smile in pain,

smile in suffering,

smile in sorrow,

… (there were two more, but I don’t remember them),

smile always, smile always,

smile.

There were many occasions of this type, but I have forgotten most of them. But now her abundant Grace guides me by giving me experiences instead of words.

“May I?”

30.11.1949

Mother said to Sri Aurobindo: “Nirod has March Past on 2nd December. But he will be engaged here at that time. What is to be done?”

Sri Aurobindo did not say anything. Mother repeated the question. But he remained silent.

Mother: “What to do?”

I could no longer keep quiet though she had not asked me. Neither had she looked at me, as she did when she expected me to say something if Sri Aurobindo did not reply. Still I spoke:

“Mother, if you come earlier that day, as you do on the first of every month, everything will be all right.”

Mother asked Sri Aurobindo: “May I?”

Sri Aurobindo smiled, as usual, and nodded his head.

Pastille in the Wrong Mouth

30.11.1949

Sri Aurobindo used to take a pastille after finishing his food. These pastilles came from France. But during war-time they were prepared here by Sujata according to the formula given by Pavitra.

Sri Aurobindo used to take the pastille at different times. They were kept in a small square silver box. I would open the box, keep the lid in my hand and place the box in Mother’s hands. She would stretch her hand to Sri Aurobindo. Today however Mother took one pastille from the box and put it in her own mouth instead of passing it to Sri Aurobindo. He looked at me and at Mother, smiling. Suddenly Mother remembered and said, “Sorry.” More than the word was her expression which was always worth observing and enjoying.

Speaking of their expressions, I must say that I was never tired of observing them. They meant so much to me; that observation was my life.

Looking back I can see how through all these means they both trained me in becoming more and more conscious. But at that time I was not aware that I was being trained. It was always a pilgrimage from joy to joy.

“Good Lord!”

12.12.1949

Sri Aurobindo was waiting to retire. It was 1.20 a.m. He asked me whether Mother was still downstairs.

C: “No. Mother will first open the door; she has not yet opened it. Next she will see some people at the door and only then will she go down.”

Sri Aurobindo: “Good Lord!”

No Time for Food

12.12.1949

Mother told me: “For the last two days I have not been able to have food for want of time. Today also I could not. I want to eat now. Go and inform the people that I won’t open the door before 1.30 p.m.” Accordingly I went and informed the people.

This is typical of how things were going on in those days.

Bonus and Jewellery

15.12.1949

When Mother came to Sri Aurobindo’s room, she told him: “The bonus is Rs. 20 000⁷⁷. I am thinking of giving away some jewellery. But I have no time to look into it. This time there is no balance left.”⁷⁸

Sri Aurobindo nodded his head.

Champaklal does not Know

24.12.1949

Sri Aurobindo asked: “Mother is not playing music. It seems some people are going to sing and go round the Ashram.”

C: “I do not know.”

Sri Aurobindo: “Oh, it may not be today. All right.” So saying he lifted his hands and laid them back on the cushions on the cot.

When he was sitting on his cot, the back-rest would be raised to the angle required and cushions placed on both sides as arm-rests, so that he could lean back as on a sofa.

“What Day is it?”

26.12.1949

Sri Aurobindo: “What day is it today?”

C: “Monday.”

Sri Aurobindo: “Oh, then Mother is not going down!”

C: “On Mondays it is only in the mornings that Mother does not go down. She goes down at night as usual. She has just opened the door now. After meeting some people there she will go downstairs for Pranam.”

Sri Aurobindo: “Oh!”

Sri Aurobindo’s Vigil

30.12.1949

Today it was 1.30 a.m. when Mother came back from downstairs. Sri Aurobindo was sitting all the time on his bed, waiting for her. Twice he enquired whether Mother was back.

Bimalendu, the Dancer

Bimalendu was a talented and gifted dancer. He was on a visit to the Ashram and was very anxious that Mother should see his dance. It was arranged that he would dance at night in Mridu’s room [in Prasad House] and Mother would watch from the Balcony from where she used to give morning Darshan. Mother saw his dance and was very pleased with it. It was remarkable.

Remembering Things

Once Satyendra⁷⁹ told Sri Aurobindo about an unusual capacity of Madhav. And that is, if anyone was introduced to Madhav, he always remembered the person and his name, even long afterwards.

On another occasion, I told Sri Aurobindo:

“I do not remember numbers; I have to make great effort even to remember my own age.”

Sri Aurobindo: “Yes, it happens very often; one cannot remember certain things. I cannot remember names.” And he smiled.

Burden on Mother

As you know, in the early days people used to offer roses or jasmines with their nice fragrance. After Mother gave significances to flowers, people began bringing more and more flowers of different kinds to her. They started giving in Mother’s hand flower after flower, one by one; and some would bring them in dishes, some in baskets. Of course there were those who came without flowers.

Now as long as people were few it worked. But when the number increased, Mother had to spend more and more time in receiving flowers in this manner. But she never expressed any reluctance or unwillingness; on the contrary people got the impression – at any rate some of them – that the Mother was very pleased at the way things were being done. For some it appeared a very easy way of doing sadhana. As if one had only to offer the flower Sincerity or Discipline and one automatically attained it! They felt a certain satisfaction in having done something and went on to spend the rest of the day as they pleased.

Perhaps it is human nature. Take my own case. On one of my birthdays, in the beginning, I took the flower Unselfishness, and started going to Mother. Then I added one by one Gratitude, Surrender, Humility, Purity, Devotion, Tapasya, and finally a flower of Divine’s love placed in one of Gratitude. Then as I was about to go to Mother with all these, the idea came to me: “What am I doing? The same thing for which I find fault with others!” Then I left all other flowers except Gratitude with Divine’s love and Humility placed within it.

I felt – and I still feel – that one flower is enough. In sadhana if one truly gets one thing, say, devotion, or sincerity, then all else comes through it. The question is whether one really aspires for them and whether the time has come. This is not to say that sincere people did not benefit by this offering of flowers. They did.

Once I expressed my feeling in this matter to Mother. She supported what I said and added something more also, which, however, is not too pleasant for people in general. She was very particular that things should not develop into a ritual or a cult. Later sometimes, she was obliged to write notices like these:

“No flower offering tomorrow, Thursday. Only Pranam.”

“Henceforth the flower offering will be only on Tuesday.”

At times she had to announce that there would be no Pranam and that only flowers would be given by Mother. Still some people insisted on doing Pranam. And they were allowed.

Mother’s Humility

I clearly remember this small but significant incident.

In those days Mother was not keeping well. She came out of her salon at night and stood near Sri Aurobindo’s door. I was sitting near Sri Aurobindo’s bed. She looked at me and asked: “Can I see Sri Aurobindo?”

Truly her manner of asking touched me deeply. Surely she did not need to ask me if she could come into Sri Aurobindo’s room! And yet she asked.

I said: “Of course, Mother.” And I went inside and informed Sri Aurobindo.

He said: “Yes.”

Unforgettable Touch

While living at Library House, Sri Aurobindo was using a mosquito net. But after coming to Meditation House it was used only for a short time. Thereafter anti-mosquito coils were placed at the four corners of his cot. Four small round trays in brass were specially prepared for the purpose in Pavitra’s workshop. The coils came in small boxes that were imported by the Mother from France; Prosperity used to issue them to some sadhaks also. The supplies stopped during war-time.

Mother would keep two boxes on Sri Aurobindo’s table. He himself would separate the coils which would normally be stuck to each other; each had to be carefully separated from the other if they were not to break. One day I saw Sri Aurobindo busy separating the coils. Thereafter I started keeping them ready for his use and he left that work to me. This was before his accident.

The burning of the coils was stopped after his room was renovated in 1946. Why it was stopped has remained a mystery. When there were neither coils nor the net, it was natural that he was bitten by mosquitoes in several places. He would then ask for Insectol. I used to give an open tube of it in his hand; he would hold the tube in one hand and rub the ointment with the other.

Sometime afterwards this changed. He would call “Champaklal”, and I would rush the moment my name was uttered and stand by his side near the bed. Sri Aurobindo would show me the different places where mosquitoes had bitten him; often there were more places than he had indicated and when I showed them to him, he would give an unforgettable smile.

The joy at the touch of his body while rubbing the ointment is indescribable. So too, I remember the unimaginable joy I felt when he would put his arm around me while walking – it is inexpressible.

My Sacred Thread

As you know I have always worn my yajnopavita (sacred thread). One day it occurred to me that I could do without it. But as I was thinking of removing it, the idea came: How can I remove it when Sri Aurobindo has touched it so many times?

I must explain. When, after the accident, he used to walk daily, he would take the support of my shoulder by keeping his hand around my neck⁸⁰. It was at that time that his hand touched my yajnopavita. Naturally only that part which came under his palm was being touched. Each day I would mark the portion that was so touched and the next day place the next portion near my neck. Thus the entire thread came to be touched by him. I had done the same with my tulsi-mala [a necklace of beads of basil stem].

To come back to the story. So I gave up the thought of removing my yajnopavita. But again another thought arose in my mind: Why that only? He had touched my body so often; and this body is going to go one day! However, I did not remove my yajnopavita myself. It got torn by use. I have still kept it safe.

Use of Things

Someone once gave the Mother pieces of fine paper. Mother used them. The next time the person came, she showed it to him and said: “See how I have used your paper!” Naturally he was very happy and shared the happy news with others. Very soon people started sending all kinds of paper; blocks after blocks of paper began to pour in.

One day someone brought old paper. Mother was obliged to use that paper first because it would be spoilt sooner. So it was kept on Mother’s table. I saw it but what could I do? Still I said: “Mother, people like to keep your writing and they preserve the papers on which you write to them. These papers are old. Why not use good paper? You have so many kinds of nice paper. Why not give away these old ones to the Prosperity so that Harikant⁸¹ could give them to people when they ask.” I said this because I knew very well that she would not like any waste. For her it was difficult to tolerate waste. I saw this from the very beginning. I must say, however, that things changed completely later on. She simply kept quiet when a lot of waste went on around her. I mean waste of all kinds. However, to come back to the story.

Mother said: “I know people will not use it if it is issued from Prosperity. I am sure of it.”

I replied: “All right, Mother, I shall take it and use it.”

She was happy because she was sure that it would not be wasted and that I would make the best use of it.

Speaking of making the best use of things, I remember so many occasions when she showed appreciation of my efforts in this direction. You know the eau de cologne tissue papers which she used for her face. They were so fine. Mother would give them to me one by one after use. I kept them carefully, trying to find out the best use I could make of them. One day it struck me that out of each piece of paper two envelopes for blessings packets could be prepared. Accordingly I prepared some and showed them to the Mother. She was exceedingly pleased and started using them immediately. For people it had a double significance: the packet carried blessing petals from the Mother and the envelope was prepared out of paper used by her.

For Mother it was not enough to use a thing. She wanted the best use to be made of each thing.

Champaklal at the age of twelve with his uncle, 1915

Champaklal at the age of twenty in Pondicherry, 1923

Position of Sri Aurobindo’s cot while combing his hair

Mother was always particular in choosing the right envelopes for her letters. The envelope had to be just the right size – neither too big nor too tight. The recipient should find it convenient to take out the letter easily – this was her requirement.

After the envelope was chosen, she would decide whether she would write the name of the person on the envelope or not. For some she would write it on the envelope itself; for others she would write the name on a small slip of paper and clip it to the envelope. For others she would write the name in pencil: for some it would be in a deeper shade, for others in a faint colour. She used to keep different kinds of pencils. For some she would write in big letters, for others in small letters.

After watching these things for some time, one day I asked, when she gave me the opportunity to do so, why she wrote to some in pencil. Mother’s reply was interesting:

“I write with pencil so that they can rub out the writing and use the envelope again.”

I said: “Mother, who would like it to be erased? People would like to preserve your writing. Do you really think anyone would rub it out?”

Mother did not answer. But she stopped clipping the slips to the envelopes. She would do it rarely, only for those whose names she did not want to write on the envelopes. At times I had to take away the pencil from her hand and place a pen in it instead. Of course I could do this because she allowed me the liberty.

Combing Sri Aurobindo’s Hair

You want to know how Sri Aurobindo’s hair was combed by Mother? Well, I shall describe it as faithfully as possible.

Before his accident in 1938, Sri Aurobindo used to comb his hair himself. So also for washing his eyes, he would himself pour the lotion in the eye-cup. What is described here is the daily routine after the accident.

Generally, before Mother comes, Sri Aurobindo is resting on his bed. When it is time for Mother to come, we straighten the back-rest and make the arrangements for him to sit back on his bed. Then both Nirod and myself wait for Mother’s arrival.

Usually Sri Aurobindo’s hair is divided into two plaits for his convenience. Before Mother comes we remove the ribbons, undo the plaits and spread his hair behind his neck over the back-rest. On a small stool nearby we keep one lotion bottle, one small saucer for holding the lotion, one small toothbrush which Mother uses to apply the lotion to his hair, one ordinary comb, and one small comb with fine close teeth which, however, is rarely used. Also a small box for keeping the hair that may come out, and two small ribbons to tie the hair.

One large towel is kept on the back-rest. When I see Mother coming I lift up Sri Aurobindo’s hair and place the towel over his back. Near the bed there is always a low stool on which the timepiece is kept. As soon as Mother enters, I remove that stool and keep the other on which we have arranged the necessary things.

First, she pays her respects to him and then they look at each other and smile. Then she stands on the right side of his bed. I open the lotion bottle and hand it to her; she pours some lotion in the small saucer which I hold in my hand. I move with the saucer in my hand and stand just behind his head, behind the back-rest. Nirod stands on the left side. Mother starts applying the lotion with the little tooth-brush and combing the hair. Whatever hair come out in the comb while combing is given by her in my hand. I keep them in the box. Then she plaits the right side of his hair. I put in her hand the ribbon which I have kept on the right side of the back-rest and she ties the plaited hair with it.

After the hair is thus done on the right, Nirod moves to the right side of the cot and Mother goes to the left, to do the hair on that side. I continue to stand in the centre at the back throughout.

Then comes the washing of Sri Aurobindo’s eyes.

As you know, Mother’s bathroom has three doors – the eastern opens into Sri Aurobindo’s room, the western into the long passage above Nirod’s room, and the southern door, which is the main one, opens into the little vestibule one enters from the staircase. After combing the hair, Mother goes into that bathroom from Sri Aurobindo’s room to prepare two eye-cups. She brings them to Sri Aurobindo’s room and leaves one cup in the saucer and puts the other one in another saucer which has been kept on the stool. She holds the saucer with one eye-cup in front of him; he takes the cup in his hand and dips his eye in it. After one eye is washed, Mother puts the used eye-cup on the stool, takes up the other cup and gives it to him. This whole process normally takes from three to five minutes.

Mother always brings a small napkin when she comes and puts it in Sri Aurobindo’s lap. After washing his eyes he wipes them with it.

Now remains the washing of his hands, face and mouth. That too I shall describe to you.

While Mother goes to the bathroom to fetch the eye-cups, I keep the following things on the stool for washing his face and hands: two big bowls with water, one for washing his hands and the other his face; two napkins to wipe his face; a small towel; a toothpaste tube (Neem or Gibbs); a big porcelain feeding cup with water for gargling – to the water I have added some drops of an antiseptic that Mother orders from France; a small cup to keep his ring while washing the hands; and a small bottle of Oriental Balm to massage his gums. I also keep a towel on the back-rest and a spittoon on the floor.

I pour water into one of the bowls – warm in winter and cold in summer – and place it in Mother’s bathroom when she is occupied with washing Sri Aurobindo’s eyes. When she goes back to the bathroom I follow her. She puts some scent or perfume in the bowl I have kept there. I bring the bowl and place it on the stool beside Sri Aurobindo’s cot. One of the napkins for wiping his face is put in the scented water bowl. I go to Sri Aurobindo and put in his hand the opened tube of tooth-paste. With his finger he rubs the paste over his teeth and gums. Before he begins, I lift his beard and place a napkin under his chin. After the rub, he stretches his finger for me to pull the ring off it. I take the ring and place it in the small cup intended for the purpose. Then he dips his hands in the bowl, rubs them a little and takes them out. I hand him a napkin to wipe the hands. Thereafter I hold his finger, wipe it again and put the ring back.

I enjoyed very much this operation of taking the ring off his finger and putting it back on; it gave me great ananda. How sublime was his physical touch! And I got this opportunity several times a day. The ring was taken off and put back several times: while washing his face, going to the toilet, at breakfast time, at lunch time, while taking his bath, and at dinner time.

To come back to the narrative. It is now Nirod’s turn. He takes the feeding cup with gargling water and puts it in Sri Aurobindo’s hands, having placed a small towel under his chin. Then he holds the spittoon for Sri Aurobindo to spit out the water. When he returns the cup, Nirod gives a towel with which Sri Aurobindo wipes his mouth. Next, Nirod takes the bowl of scented water, dips the napkin in the scented water and rubs Sri Aurobindo’s face with it in his masterly way – forehead, ears, under the eyes, and face. His hand is truly masterful because it moves with so much confidence. (I know how difficult it is to do something like that on Sri Aurobindo’s body. And Sri Aurobindo allowed him to do it. Nirod cut Sri Aurobindo’s nails with the same confidence.) After the face-wash he wipes Sri Aurobindo’s face with a dry towel.

Then I put the opened bottle of Oriental Balm in Sri Aurobindo’s hand. He puts one finger in it, takes a little balm and rubs it on one cheek, takes a little more and rubs it on the other cheek, then again takes some balm and rubs it on the inside of his cheeks, and finally on his gums. Rarely he takes the balm a second time for the gums. I then give him a napkin to wipe his hands with. At bedtime he repeats this massaging with the balm.

After everything is over, he takes a pastille.

Mouth Not Burnt

I used to prepare the mouth-wash for Sri Aurobindo to gargle with. Once I asked him whether what I was preparing was all right.

Sri Aurobindo: “Yes, it is all right.”

C: “Is it not too strong?”

Sri Aurobindo: “It is all right. Why do you ask?”

C: “I have just learnt from Pavitra that this concentrate he prepared is very strong. Not knowing it I have been putting 20 drops of it in your mouth-wash as I used to do before. But Pavitra says that 6 or 7 drops are sufficient now.”

Sri Aurobindo: “Yes, it may be too strong. Because you see, one day while gargling a drop fell straight in my eye and it burned.”

C: “But does your mouth burn?”

Sri Aurobindo (smiling): “No, my mouth does not burn.” Hearing this I laughed. He also started laughing.

Compassion

My brother Bansidhar used to take two buckets from Sri Aurobindo’s bathroom every day in order to bring hot water in them for his sponging. Sri Aurobindo would be sitting at this time at his table working on Savitri etc. Every day when Bansidhar went in for the buckets82, Sri Aurobindo would note it and when Bansidhar brought back the buckets filled with water he would turn his gaze towards Bansidhar and cast a look full of compassion. All this he did despite his preoccupation with the writing work. Similarly he took note of Bansidhar winding the clocks. Whenever the clock stopped or slowed down or went too fast, or stopped chiming, he would ask me: “Champaklal, have you informed Bansidhar?” And when Bansidhar came to repair it, he would watch with interest.

*

Sri Aurobindo always had a special tender smile for Amrita.

For Nolini he had a deep and intense smile. As you know Sri Aurobindo often said that Nolini has clarity of mind. And he also remarked: “What I cannot read of my handwriting, Nolini can.” Sri Aurobindo greatly appreciated Prithwi Singh’s proofreading and often praised his precise and scrupulous work.

Observation

It was during Pranam one morning. As usual I was standing by Mother’s side. Pranab’s uncle Charupada, as he came near, asked me:

“Not well, Champaklal?”

Mother: “He looks that way because he has washed his hair.”

Needless to say I was surprised. For I did not know that she had noticed it.

Flexible

You know the photograph of Sri Aurobindo in profile. It was taken by the Danish artist [Johannes Hohlenberg] when he came here [in 1915] to make a portrait of Sri Aurobindo. As Sri Aurobindo could not be expected to sit for as long a time as required, the artist took this photograph to help him do the portrait. The original photo – a passport-sized one – was placed in a small frame. For long it was kept on a side-table on the first floor. When I saw that it had started fading and there was no copy of it, I humbly requested Mother to have it copied by the local photographer Latour. But she did not agree. Each year the fading was more and each time I asked her, she would refuse. Ultimately, when I saw that it had not only faded but some cracks too had appeared, I showed the photo to the Mother and told her that we would soon lose the photograph completely and left it to her to decide. I assured her that the original, the copy and the negative, all would be handed back to her. She consented on condition that the photographer must not touch up the photo.

I instructed Latour through Bansidhar to prepare a negative and print a copy and prepare another negative after touching up that copy of the original photo. When prints from both negatives were ready, I showed them to Mother. Seeing the touched up print, she exclaimed: “He is very clever, very clever” and asked for more copies. “Which one?” I asked. ‘‘The one touched up,” she replied. Later, with a loving smile, she gave me also one copy of this touched up photo.

I have seen this happen so many times. She would ask me to prepare a folder or something else in a particular way. I would follow all her instructions faithfully, but if I felt that something better could be achieved by some alterations, I would prepare one in that way also and place both things before her. And often it so happened that she chose what was prepared differently. She never declared that she will select only what she had originally asked for. The truth is that she chose from what was made and offered to her. If something better than what had been planned or expected came up, she had no hesitation in changing her decision.

Madhav’s Office

Whenever the Mother came to Sri Aurobindo’s room unexpectedly – at times other than in her current routine,– we used to watch her expression and decide whether we could stay in the room or must go out. At times she herself would sign to us to go; at other times, when we made a move to go, she would say, “Not necessary.”

This day she was looking so happy as she entered Sri Aurobindo’s room that I did not leave the room – I wanted to hear what she was going to tell Sri Aurobindo. She was all smiles as she told him: “I went down just now to see Madhav’s office.” Sri Aurobindo smiled and uttered “Umm.” It was longer than usual, showing that he took interest in the topic. The Mother continued: “I saw his cupboard; he has classified everything very nicely and arranged them in an orderly and beautiful manner.” Sri Aurobindo responded very sweetly to Mother’s happiness.

On such occasions it was my habit to go to the places appreciated by the Mother and see everything for myself. Accordingly I went down immediately to Madhav’s office and saw his cupboard. I saw with my own eyes and agreed with her. I may observe that it was not always that I concurred.

Hostile Force in Nearby Persons

At one time X was very close to Sri Aurobindo and the Mother. And as happened in the case of many who come too close to them, she lost her head. She became hostile.

The speech of such persons is very sweet. Mother warned me several times against it: “Champaklal, take care, it is slow poison.”

X used to speak nonsense and we could not bear it. So once I told Mother while Dyuman was present: “What a dilemma we are placed in! We cannot bear what she speaks. Your ways are different; but we are afraid that if we react in our normal way, your work will only increase! In this situation how are we to behave towards her?”

Looking at me tenderly and lovingly, Mother explained: “You see, we are fighting this for forty-one years. I have spoken to Sri Aurobindo also about this and he said to me, ‘You know well it is not a question of this person or that person. Sending away one person won’t help us in any way. We are fighting with the hostile force – not with the person. If you send away one person, it will catch hold of another.’ Now do you understand, Champaklal?”

Then she looked at both of us with great tenderness.

Dishonouring the Grace

In the early years just after Sri Aurobindo’s arrival, many local people, Hindus as well as Christians, came to see him in the evenings when he permitted visitors. Among those coming regularly was David, an average middle-class man. Gradually, as his contact with Sri Aurobindo increased; his financial situation improved and, due to his wealth and means, his reputation too increased; soon he began to be counted among the very important citizens of the town. However, along with this his visits to Sri Aurobindo decreased and ultimately stopped. At that time, one of his friends told Sri Aurobindo that David believed that his rise was the result of his own capacities and not of Sri Aurobindo’s Grace. Sri Aurobindo smiled and merely asked, “Is that so? I did not know that.”

Some time later news came of David’s ruin. Sri Aurobindo remarked, “For this too he himself is responsible – not me.”

“My Memory”

Nolini gave a book to the Mother. There was something to be done with it. She told Nolini: “Give it to Champaklal. He is my memory.”

Kumarasambhavam

Pujalal was reported to have said that some critics do not consider the later cantos of Kalidasa’s Kumarasambhavam (“Birth of the War-God”) to be his own.

Sri Aurobindo: “They say so because these cantos are erotic. But they are certainly Kalidasa’s; that is my opinion. Poetically they are on the same level as the others but they seem inferior because they may be still in draft form; he may have had no time to correct them⁸³.”

“Do not Hide”

Someone sent Sri Aurobindo’s book The Mother for his autograph. It was found that on the page meant for the autograph, he had first written his own name and afterwards tried to hide it by pasting a piece of paper over it. The Mother saw through it and wrote: “Do not try to hide things. Whatever you want to conceal becomes more visible.”

My Illness

Once I was ill. Mother ascertained some things from the doctor and told me: “I have informed Sri Aurobindo what the doctor said. You will be quite all right now.” And indeed, soon I was all right.

Other Sadhanas

Ali⁸¹ had sought Mother’s help for a friend of his and Mother had responded. When Ali asked Mother on behalf of the friend whether he could continue his usual japa of Rama-nama or not, she answered that for full benefit of her help, he must stop the other thing.

Only Once

I had never known Sri Aurobindo to ask for anything. He would always wait for things to come but never ask for them.

Once, however, I did see him ask for something. We used to give him a kerchief with which he would wipe the perspiration on his body during summer.

One day he called softly: “Champaklal!”

I was working outside his room and rushed in.

Slowly, hesitantly, he showed his kerchief and said, almost apologetically: “Too small!”

I was deeply moved and replaced it with a bigger one.

Sri Aurobindo on Himself

On one occasion, Sri Aurobindo said: “As a father I am stupid.”

Dara’s Poetry

While speaking about Dara’s85 poetry Sri Aurobindo mentioned this doggerel:

Gandhi, Gandhi, what of the night?

Is it dark, or is it light?

Durga

Satyendra showed a picture of Durga to Sri Aurobindo.

Sri Aurobindo said, “Durga and the Asura both look very happy and pleased. The Asura is looking at the whole affair happily. A very living image, very spirited. It is full of life; especially the lion biting the hand of the Asura is very living and also the posture of the Goddess. That was one quality about the Indian sculptors: they could put spirit into their creations; that life and expression the European sculptors could not bring out. Durga’s posture is very natural and also her hands.”

Insincere

Nolini spoke to Mother of two sannyasins who had arrived and wanted to stay here.

Mother: “Only if they stop wearing ochre robes.”

N: “Yes, Mother, they will do that.”

Mother: “This kind of insincere people I do not need here.”

After we returned upstairs I asked Mother how they could be said to be ‘insincere’? Could it not be obedience?

Mother: “You see, this does not apply to everybody; it depends upon persons.”

Wonderful Luck

Nolini brought a young visitor to the Mother during Pranam. He did not know English and could not answer when he was asked his age. Mother asked him to go to Dr. Nripendra (obviously for a medical check-up). Then while giving him flowers, she held his hand and looked at his palm for long. She remarked: “Wonderful luck. Wonderful luck.”

Afterwards, while we were on the staircase, I told Mother:

“I also have a wonderful luck.”

Mother: “Let me see.” And she took hold of my palm. “There is no line. Hmm, hmm.”

C: “But Mother, I have that luck. I see the result.”

Mother: “Yes, it happens like that.” Then she added: “Let me see, let me see”, and saw my hand again. She pointed out the three lines, heart, mind and life, with the heart and mind lines joined unusually and said: “Very interesting, very interesting, very interesting. Generally we do not find lines like this.” And she kept looking at me for long.

Lele too, on seeing these three lines, had said the same thing.

Best Prayer

The Mother considered her prayer of 7 March 1915 (in her Prières et Méditations) to be the best of all.

Fulfilment of Unspoken Wishes

21.1.1950

It was Bansidhar’s birthday today. I thought how nice it would be if Mother wrote something for him. But I did not ask her for it. I used to ask for others on their birthdays at times, but here I did not. It so happened, however, that Bansidhar gave Mother a small notebook and pen when he came for Pranam. Mother opened the notebook and said: “Oh, it is quite new. Shall I write something for you?

B: “All right, Mother. But I brought it to offer to Mother.” Still, Mother wrote in it and gave it back to him.

This was no surprise to me. For, how many times I have seen her fulfilling my wish though I had not expressed it! Her grace is never-ending.

Grace on Motibe

27.1.1950

Mother said to me this morning: “If I give the Bulletin to Motiben will she like it? Do you think she will be happy? I will give it for the pictures; she can see them.” Mother knew that my aunt does not know English.

C: “Mother, as you are giving, you can give her the Hindi edition.”

Mother: “I don’t have it but I will ask Jayantilal⁸⁶.”

Later, when Mother came for Sri Aurobindo’s lunch, she informed him: “Motiben has offered a very pretty silver fork for you. Today is her birthday.”

Sri Aurobindo smiled and said: “Oh!”

Then Mother asked Chinmayee to bring that fork. But pointing to the one which was already there, Chinmayee said:

“Mother, this one also is of silver.”

Mother: “Yes. But the new one is pretty and today is her birthday; bring that.”

Thus Chinmayee was obliged to bring the fork offered by Motiben. Mother placed it in Sri Aurobindo’s hand. He took it with a smile and said: “Oh… oh!”

It was a treat for me to watch how the Grace worked.

Exceptions and More Exceptions

29.1.1950

Mother told Sri Aurobindo that she had made a change in her daily programme. She would henceforth go to the Balcony at 6.30 a.m.

C: “Mother, you will find it difficult – you will have to hurry very much to be there in time.” I said this because I knew her morning programme before the Balcony darshan.

Mother: “If I want to go I can be ready.”

C: “Of course, Mother. I know that perfectly well.”

Then Mother told Sri Aurobindo that there was only one place left where she could spend time alone; and that was her bathroom. She smiled and looked at Sri Aurobindo who also smiled.

C: “Mother, there also you have started…”

Sri Aurobindo looked at me with an expressive smile.

Mother: “No, no.” Very emphatically.

C: “But, Mother, the other day you saw someone even in the bathroom. It is only after seeing it that I have spoken. This was the only place left and that also is now gone.”

Mother: “Yes, but it was only one person.”

C: “Yes, Mother, but that is just the beginning.”

Mother: “No, no, that was only once.”

Darshan

21.2.1950

Darshan: 1.40 p.m. to 4.10 p.m.

To My Rescue

26.2.1950

Mother came to Sri Aurobindo’s room for combing his hair at 10.17 a.m. and was there till 10.37 a.m. When she came in, Mother said to me: “Oh, you are not ready!”

C: “Mother, Sri Aurobindo’s eyes were closed.”

At this, Sri Aurobindo hastened to say: “What Champaklal says is true. Just now I opened my eyes.”

Then both looked at me and smiled.

Court Case of a Disciple

27.2.1950

Sri Aurobindo was taking interest in a person who was involved in a court case. He had asked for Sri Aurobindo’s blessings. I asked Sri Aurobindo for the precise wording to be telegraphed. He said: “Our blessings for proceedings case second March.”

Then he asked for the name of the place. “Mehsana,” I replied. He asked me to remove the words ‘second March’ and put ‘Mehsana’ instead.

C: “Can I put your name as the sender?”

Sri Aurobindo: “What was done last time?”

C: “In your name.”

Sri Aurobindo: “All right, then.”

But a little later, he called me and said: “Better not put my name there.”

Flowers Unaware

3.3.1950

I was busy doing something in the Salon⁸⁷ and was not aware that Mother had entered silently and was standing behind me. I came to know of it only when I felt something on both of my ears. Mother had dexterously put flowers on my ears, Divine solicitude on one ear and Champa (Psychological perfection) on the other. When I looked up at her, I saw her eyes were full of affection and compassion. What Grace!

Mother has Pain

14.3.1950

Mother had acute pain in her back and waist. Still she went on seing people near the first-floor door, and throughout that time she kept standing. When she returned she was extremely tired.

15.3.1950

Today Mother arranged to sit in a chair while seeing people. The same arrangement continued thereafter. When this information was given to Sri Aurobindo he was happy to hear it.

Mother is Tired

7.4.1950

Mother used to see some people on the staircase in the morning. She opened the door for them. Today, before going there she said to me: “Today I want to finish quickly. Yesterday I was extremely tired. That is why I was often going within.”

Before she went down for Pranam, she said that she would not receive flowers from people today. She was obliged to do this at times.

Autographs

13.4.1950

Mother spoke to Sri Aurobindo of the number of people to whom she had to attend when she opened the door and what she felt then.

She also told him that she had asked Nolini to stop books being sent up for signature. She enquired from me whether a notice to this effect had been put up on the board. I said it was not, but probably he informed people orally.

In the beginning Sri Aurobindo used to sign books with the name of the person and write “Blessings”. For some he even wrote the date. Though it was a strain on him later, he did not express it. But Mother did not want to trouble him and so she asked him only to sign leaving place for the name and the word “Blessings”. For some time Sri Aurobindo signed and wrote “Blessings” and Mother added the name, and in some cases also the date. Afterwards he only signed and Mother wrote the rest.

Thus people began to get the handwriting of both Sri Aurobindo and Mother.

Ramana Maharshi

20.4.1950

When the Mother came to Sri Aurobindo’s room today, she spoke of Kapali Sastri’s devotion and his new opening. She also mentioned the new opening that Ganapati Sastri had.

Mother said: “Ramana Maharshi had been coming to me for the last two days. I had not known, at that time, that he had passed away. But I had a very strong feeling⁸⁸.”

Historic Darshan

24.4.1950

The Darshan started at 1.30 p.m. and went on up to 3.30 p.m. 1176 people attended.

There was a March Past before the regular Darshan started.

For the first time a photograph of the Darshan was taken. It was taken by Henri Cartier-Bresson⁸⁹.

Cartier-Bresson and Photographs

Madhav: “Champakbhai, do you remember Cartier-Bresson who was allowed to take photographs of Sri Aurobindo? If I remember right, Sri Aurobindo had not been photographed after he retired in 1926. I have heard that when Cartier-Bresson stood to photograph Sri Aurobindo and Mother giving Darshan on 24.4.50, his hands shook, and we see it in the haziness of the Darshan photograph we now have. Do you recollect?”

C: Ah, yes.

The day after the Darshan, when the Mother was distributing flower garlands downstairs, he took a number of photographs. Mother went down for the function specially early that day. Later, she came to Sri Aurobindo and said something to him. After she combed his hair, she asked how long it would take to get ready. We said Cartier-Bresson was coming up at 9 a.m. Then she said: “Let him take photographs of the bust only.”

C: “If he is coming to photograph, why not the full figure?”

Mother: “If Sri Aurobindo says so…”

C: “If you want it, he will not say no.”

Mother: “Ask him.”

I asked Sri Aurobindo and he consented. I also asked Sri Aurobindo if I could rearrange his sofa and see that the light was enough. He indicated his approval with a smile.

Then I went down and told Cartier-Bresson that he could come upstairs earlier to the room and arrange things as he desired.

But he came only at the scheduled time and took a number of photographs. But of the full figure he took only one; at any rate he had only one finally.

“Eyes on My Back”

11.5.1950

Nowadays Sri Aurobindo’s dinner is fairly early. Mother came today at 10.54.

She sat on Sri Aurobindo’s cot near him and as she always does when there is no active work to be done, she went into trance. She rarely keeps her eyes open when she sits like this. But at the same time she notes what is going on around her. I came to know this because on one occasion her eyes were closed but she surprised me by telling me all that had taken place. I remember her telling me once, “I have eyes on my back too.”

Today she brought a letter to answer. She started writing but as she was doing so she started going into trance. To draw her out Sri Aurobindo asked her: “Whose letter is it?”

Mother: “Suryakumari’s90; I am now answering her. I write to André twice a year. To Suryakumari I used to write every month.”

“Was I Sleeping?”

13.5.1950

It was 12.32 at night. Sri Aurobindo asked me to put down his back-rest. After some time he asked: “What is the time?”

C: “1.45 a.m.”

Sri Aurobindo: “Ah, ah!” And he closed his eyes again and remained like that for some time. Then he called me and asked whether I had woken him up.

I said: “No.”

Sri Aurobindo: “Was I sleeping?”

C: “Your eyes were closed but I cannot say whether you were sleeping or awake. I do not know.”

He took a long breath and it seemed to me he was recollecting something. He said nothing but there was an indescribable expression on his face.

“Did you wake me up?”, “Was I sleeping?” Asking such questions to an ordinary man he behaved as ordinary men do. What Leela!

Tonight Mother went downstairs for Pranam at 1.28 a.m. and came up at 1.50 a.m. Sri Aurobindo went to bed at 2.25 a.m.

Wrist Watch for Sri Aurobindo

15.5.1950

Mother came to Sri Aurobindo’s room today with a wrist watch in her hand. She said to him: “A man has come from France and he believes himself to be and introduces himself as a true child of Sri Aurobindo. This wrist watch is from him for you.”

So saying, she placed the wrist watch on the stool nearby on which the timepiece was kept. Sri Aurobindo nodded and smiled.

Trance at Pranam

19.5.1950

Mother went downstairs for Pranam. As one person came in front of her she went into trance. When she opened her eyes he was still standing there. It had taken one hour and five minutes.

Today Sri Aurobindo went to bed at 2.43 a.m.

Booklets for Children

22.5.1950

Mother came in with two small booklets in her hand. One copy she gave to me and the other to Sri Aurobindo. The title was What a Child Should Always Remember. It had just come out of our Press.

Mother’s Programme

27.5.1950

Sri Aurobindo finished his lunch today at 12.08 p.m. After Mother left, as he was rubbing balm over his teeth and gums, he asked: “Champaklal, what is Mother’s present programme?”

On hearing it from me, he said: “All right.”

Even if His Eyes are Closed

27.5.1950

Mother used to see a few people near the door before she went downstairs for Pranam. I told Sri Aurobindo that Mother was near the door. He told me to inform him when the Mother came back.

C: “I have to inform you even if your eyes are closed?”

Sri Aurobindo: “Yes.”

But when I went to inform him at 12.55 his eyes were open. He went to bed at 1.12 a.m.

Suffocation

7.6.1950

Mother opened the door this morning at 6.44 to meet people. She opened it a second time at 7.32 and people kept coming till 8.47.

After closing the door, she told me: “You cannot even imagine how sick I become; it is suffocating. People are so deep in tamas, unconscious; and they do not even know it.”

Name in Sanskrit

13.6.1950

Before opening the door in the morning, Mother wrote out the new name for Piloo⁹¹ in Sanskrit: Sutapa. It was her birthday today.

Killing

22.6.1950

When Mother came to Sri Aurobindo’s room today it was 9.54 a.m. As soon as she came she sat on his cot on one side. She looked extremely tired. Looking at me, she asked: “How long?”

I understood what she meant and replied: “Two hours and ten minutes.” She had to stand while she received people from 7.25 to 9.35 a.m.

Mother then looked at Sri Aurobindo and said just one word, but with full expression: “Killing.”

It was painful to hear that. Can you imagine it?

Sri Aurobindo became very serious.

Mother’s Concern

26.6.1950

Today was the birthday of Sumedha, the daughter of Indra Sen’s sister Rameshwari. Yesterday, Mother told Rameshwari that she had called Sumedha today early at 6 a.m., although Mother is not meeting people these days at this time for birthdays. Actually Sumedha had asked permission to see her and Mother had agreed. But it was always Mother’s way to put things with grace and consideration.

I knew all this, but still Mother informed me early in the morning. Even after informing me, she kept an eye on the staircase door. When I looked questioningly, she said that she was afraid someone might turn Sumedha away saying Mother is not meeting people! Once again I was struck by the way Mother was concerned about the feelings and growth of people.

Many such incidents were to take place thereafter.

Cure for Insect-Bites

10.7.1950

Sri Aurobindo showed me his hand saying that some insect may have bitten it at night. The bite was on two fingers and the palm. He said: “Last time it was cured by your rubbing. So you can try.” So saying he stretched his hand. I rubbed ointment for 20 minutes – from 10.20 to 10.40 a.m., holding his hand in mine. What a touch! Boundless ananda.

Pavitra’s Ointment

23.7.1950

An insect had bitten Sri Aurobindo in several places. He asked me to rub the ointment, and as I began rubbing it on the knee, he asked: “Is it Pavitra’s or Insectol?”

C: “Pavitra’s. How do you find it?”

Sri Aurobindo: “Oh, works very well.”

Rubbing went on from 10.20 to 10.40 a.m. This treatment is going on almost daily these days. And I receive boundless ananda too – at his expense!

Cartier-Bresson’s Photographs

27.7.1950

Mother informed Sri Aurobindo that news had come from America about the photographs taken by Cartier-Bresson. Tata had been to enquire at the Company and he was told that the film had been received⁹². But as the lady in charge of that section was not there, the work of development the film had not started yet. They also told him the condition that the photographs must not be shown to anyone other than Sri Aurobindo and the Mother, who had to select from them and return the whole collection. On receiving them, the company would publish those selected in some journal in America and it was only six months thereafter that the photos could be issued by us here. Mother also informed Sri Aurobindo that she was planning to make an album which would be in great demand.

Mother told me: “I think the photo of Sri Aurobindo in his chair will come out very well.”

C: “Mother, he has taken so many of you; from them some will surely come out well.”

Mother: “He has taken hundreds. Out of them at least one or two will come out well.”

Calcutta Celebrations

27.7.1950

There was a letter from Calcutta. They wanted to celebrate the 15th of August and for that purpose wished either to have the new photographs taken by Cartier-Bresson or to send an artist to do a sketch of the Mother. Or they could send someone who would take a photograph of Mother.

Mother: “No, no.”

Ashram Rules

4.8.1950

This morning, at 8.35, while combing Sri Aurobindo’s hair, Mother asked Nirod to read out the new Ashram rules. Some changes have been made and Mother wanted Sri Aurobindo to hear them.

Sari to Champaklal

6.8.1950

Mother distributed saris to sadhikas today. When everybody had finished, I went to offer pranam as usual. After my pranam was over, she gave me also a sari with a radiant smile. There was laughter all round.

Indeed, the sari was like a dhoti; its border was very narrow and the texture very fine, very smooth.

Typical of her unexpected ways!

Fragrance of Perfume

9.8.1950

When Mother came to Sri Aurobindo today she had a bottle of perfume with her. She asked me to open it which I did. Mother smelt it and then gave it to Sri Aurobindo to smell. Then she asked him: “Are you getting the smell?”

Sri Aurobindo: “Yes.”

Mother: “It is good.”

Unique Event

10.8.1950

Nowadays Sri Aurobindo’s time for lunch is earlier than before. Today it was 11 a.m. when Mother came – very unusual. She brought with her one small dish with a small bowl on it, some bread slices and a knife.

I started serving Sri Aurobindo. Mother sat on his cot – just in front of his table. She applied something to the bread. And as she was doing it, she told me: “Today I have no time to have food there. I shall have it here.”

I said: “Yes, Mother, very good.”

Sri Aurobindo smiled.

This was the first and the last time we saw them having food together. It was a rare event – from 11 to 11.29 a.m.

August Darshan in 1950

15.8.1950

Time: 1.28 to 4.55 p.m. (sadhaks and other devotees)

4.55 to 5.17 p.m. (workers)

At 5.57 p.m. Mother came to Sri Aurobindo’s room and said: “I am going. Champaklal will give you fruit juice.”

And then she went to the Playground.

“Not Ordinary Mosquitoes”

8.10.1950

There was an understanding between Nirod and myself that one of us would always remain near Sri Aurobindo at night.

One night I was not in the room. Sri Aurobindo asked Nirod: “Champaklal is not there? I cannot sleep.”

N: “He is there on the terrace. Shall I call him?”

Sri Aurobindo: “Yes.”

This conversation was reported to me by Nirod later. When I came in, Sri Aurobindo showed me the different places where he had been bitten by mosquitoes.

As I was rubbing the ointment, he said: “These are not ordinary mosquitoes, that is why I could not sleep.” I rubbed the ointment from 1.32 to 1.52 a.m. This has been happening every night these days.

Only because it must have been indispensable did Sri Aurobindo say “Yes” when Nirod asked “Shall I call him?”

Both Resting

1.11.1950

Mother told Kamala: “Inform Champaklal that I will go to Sri Aurobindo at 2.45 p.m. today.”

It appears that Mother had come and peeped into Sri Aurobindo’s room to tell this to me. But she went back as she found that Sri Aurobindo was resting and I was sitting with my eyes closed. Mother told this to Kamala and said that she did not want to disturb me! You can imagine how moved I was when I learnt this. Thereafter I tried to keep my eyes open lest the next time she hesitate to speak!

Mother’s Last House in France

5.11.1950

Mother opened the drawer of the table and showed me a card. She asked if I had seen it.

C: “Yes, Mother, you have given it to me.”

Mother was surprised. Then pointing to the card, Kamala said:

“Mother, somebody is standing in the corner there.”

Mother: “Yes, it is a servant.”

K: “Mother, outside also there is somebody standing.”

Mother: “The servant is standing there and between him and the door his wife is standing.”

Then Mother told me: “Have you noticed that all the doors in the front are kept closed? That is because this photograph was taken when I was not there. This was my last house in France.”

Marbling

7.4.1951

Long ago someone came on a visit and exhibited some of his coloured photographs in our Library. They were not of any objects but they were very colourful and impressionistic. Mother liked them very much. She called Robi Ganguli, talked to him at length about the technique and gave him some specific instructions and asked him to try it. I saw that he was very enthusiastic, but nothing further happened. I reminded Robi about it but it was no use. I had a keen interest in it and wanted to do something like that but did not know how to proceed.

Then one day Amiyo Ganguli brought some paintings and showed them to Mother. She liked them and asked him how they were done. After he left, Mother showed me the paintings and said she would ask Amiyo to show me the technique. She told me that this process was known as marbling. (Here I must record that the first person to do marbling in our Ashram was the artist Sanjiban.)

Today was the day the Mother had asked Amiyo to come upstairs and demonstrate the marbling process in the meditation room. He came at 10.30 a.m. with the necessary things. Mother had kept some colours ready and a brush in a tray which was filled with water, but not to the brim. Amiyo took a piece of paper and put it over the colours that he had put on the surface of the water. The result was marbled paper. Thereafter Mother tried it out herself on two sheets of paper. I understood the process properly.

The next day I did three paintings, using a brush in some places. I placed these paintings on the long table along the window in the corridor outside Mother’s boudoir, so that Mother could see them on her way back from Balcony darshan. When she saw them she asked who had done them. She was surprised when I said they were mine. She had thought that someone must have sent them from abroad. She exclaimed: “Yours! Wonderful! Very nice! Pretty! I like it.” She had not expected that I would be able to do this from what Amiyo had shown me. Seeing her happy expression I continued to make more of these paintings. She said that one day she would see all of them.

A day was fixed and I took 47 paintings to her. I showed them to her one by one and she wrote down the number and significance of each one on a small pad. At the same time she asked me to write down the number on the painting and she checked to see if I had done it correctly. In this way she saw the whole lot in one sitting.

Later on she gave significances to my other paintings also. At times she would ask for birthday folders with these paintings on them and would write the significance below them. As in everything, her encouragement was extremely helpful in my painting.

12.4.1951

Kamala’s portrait done by Mother had faded. I took it to her and showed it saying:

“Look Mother, what has happened!”

Mother: “The drawing is very pretty.” She said it as if it had been done by somebody else!

C: “Can you do something, Mother?”

Mother: “Champaklal, but it is very difficult.”

C: “Mother, nothing is difficult for you. The question is whether you would like to do it or not.”

She smiled and immediately started working upon it. When she finished, I saw how happy her expression was.

“How is it now?” she said.

C: “Mother, wonderful!”

How to Feel the Presence

22.6.1951

Mother: “My presence is always there. Only you do not see it. If you want to see it you should say:

‘Grant that we may be conscious of your Presence always, at all times.’

That is the only way of asking. The other way is incorrect and also impertinent.”

Cartier-Bresson’s Negatives

26.6.1951

Negatives of the photographs taken by Cartier-Bresson have come – in all 460 of them, some spoiled, some faded. “They are all locked up in my safe,” Mother said.

Mother on Her Birth

July 1951

Mother: “I was born in France because some special education was necessary.”

Wrong Report of Darshan

July 1951

It appears that a certain journal in France reported that a curtain was hung at the time of Darshan and that only the feet of Sri Aurobindo were allowed to be seen from the little space between the lower end of the curtain and the floor⁹³. To contradict this, Mother asked that the Darshan photo (No. 59-7-33 in the album) be sent to the paper. For in that photograph sadhaks are seen standing in a line in front of Sri Aurobindo at the Darshan of 24th April 1950.

‘Convincing’ Mother

24.7.1951

A sadhak had written something and Mother had already answered it. He wrote again.

When he came for Pranam, Mother told him: “You want to convince me? You know I am impossible.” And she repeated it.

Dyuman and Lakshmi Puja

14.10.1951

Mother told Dyuman: “Today is Lakshmi Puja. Lakshmi is your friend.” Then she gave him a flower.

Several Years of Work

1.1.1952

It took several years to remove the samskaras of surroundings and parents.

During French Revolution

3.1.1952

Speaking of the French Revolution, Mother said: “Pujalal was there. But I did not know that Bansidhar also was there, helping me. Strange!”

Mounting Darshan Photographs

12.2.1952

It was Kamala’s birthday. Mother gave her a silver dish with a picture of Saraswati playing the Veena and said: “I am here.” She also gave a kerchief saying it was used by Sri Aurobindo in last August’s Darshan. Nolini had brought a German magazine⁹⁴sent from London, containing Cartier-Bresson’s photographs. Mother took out the pages with the pictures and gave them to Kamala.

I cut out those pictures; they were printed on both sides of the pages. Then I cut out the middle portions of some mounts as precisely as I could and framed the pictures back to back between the two mounts so that they could be seen from both the sides.

On seeing my work, Mother said: “Very cleverly arranged.” She went on to praise it very much.

C: “Mother, please sign it.”

Mother: “I don’t feel like doing it.” In those days she was not autographing Darshan photographs.

C: “Don’t do it, Mother, if you don’t feel like it. It is all right.” Even so, she wrote “Blessings” on the pictures.

Mother had liked the mounted pictures so much that the next day she asked me to fetch them from Kamala as she wanted to show them to Pranab. While showing them to him she remarked: “How nicely they are arranged by Champaklal! Isn’t it so?”

Vows

31.3.1952

Once I asked the Mother about orthodox people making vows either to gain what they wished or to fulfil some desire. This was especially strong in the matter of eating. People took vows that they would not eat such and such a thing until some wish was fulfilled or some goal attained. I asked Mother whether there was any truth behind these things, especially in not eating certain foods.

Mother replied: “It is only to train the will and to remember the ideal, the wish etc. Generally in old religions like the Hindu and the Semitic ones, these observances are founded on the basis of hygiene and then associated with religion. That is why they are still lasting. For example in certain parts which are too hot, you are asked not to eat pork, because in that hot climate the worms do not die even after boiling. On the other hand they multiply. Hence the discouragement. In some places it is enjoined that the blood must be first let out and only then the cooking done. When the blood is thus first removed the harmful element is eliminated. And people do it.”

Behind Externals

1.5.1952

Sri Aurobindo and the Mother’s books always used to be sent upstairs and shown to the Mother before being posted. Recently, the person in charge started sending books intended for foreign countries directly to the Press for dispatch. When it was pointed out to him that they should have been sent up to the Mother, he said that it was not necessary.

Today, when this was reported to Mother, she said: “Let him do what he likes; it is all right.”

Later she explained: “You people are accustomed to look only at external things – you do not see what is behind them. You do not know what I do after seeing the books. You are all accustomed to do orderly work. This is the general thing; people see only external things.”

Child in My Lap

It was in 1952. Rishabhchand’s son came with his little daughter. She was only two years old. The Mother liked her very much. And though in those days small children were not being permitted to stay here, Mother told Rishabhchand to keep his granddaughter here. “I want her”, the Mother told him.

Poor Rishabhchand was in a fix. The parents were not willing to leave her here as she was then their only child. Seeing Mother’s keenness, I called upon Rishabhchand and spoke to him at length, explaining how it was a special Grace from Mother and so on. But it was of no avail.

However, things changed. On their return to Calcutta, the girl did not keep well. The parents also were feeling very uncomfortable. So they brought back the child in 1953 and Mother admitted her to the School.

The Mother was very happy and said: “I knew they would have to bring back the child.”

That child is Mounnou. She received special attention and time from Mother every day as she grew up. While waiting for the Mother, Mounnou would sit in my lap and play with my beard. She would plait the beard and I had to keep it in that position till Mother came! When Mother came, she also would play with my beard and say something each time in her own sweet way.

Jealousy and Its Havoc

4.8.1952

Mother observed about jealousy: “Jealousy hides in a person and takes him low, low (showing with gestures and bending down). It takes you down, down, down, very far down. It comes in such a way that at times you are not even able to notice it. You do not believe it is there. You notice it only when you see it in others! You have to be extremely careful. For even when you throw it away, it comes in again. You have to be constantly throwing it out. These things are contagious. When you find it between two persons, it is at times very difficult to find out who is responsible. Only one who is conscious can notice it. There are many ways to stop it from coming into you.”

Kissing and Joy

4.8.1952

Mother spoke to me of an incident that had taken place at her grandmother’s when Mother was about 12 or 13.

She said: “Two relatives, a boy and a girl, had come. The girl was sitting in the boy’s lap. They were kissing each other very vigorously. I say now that they were kissing; but at that time it was only a scene, a scene of something new to me. I did not know anything about this love. I simply saw that they were busy and that they were extremely happy and enjoying themselves. To me it was just a scene. (My grandmother was a moralist.) All of a sudden something entered into me like a spark. And I experienced the joy that they were having, even more intensely than they, without the act.”

Mother showed with expressive gestures what joy she had experienced.

I said: “But Mother, everybody cannot do that.”

Mother smiled.

Stumbling

13.8.1952

Mother: “I am stumbling all the time over silly things.”

Sincerity

27.9.1952

Mother: “Simple sincerity includes everything. It leads to power, light, knowledge, experience, transformation – everything. But it must be integral, in all the parts of the being.”

C: “How to speak?”

Mother: “It must be spontaneous.”

C: “How to know that?”

Mother: “Right thinking, right way, sincere and constant prayer. Judge from the result.”

Man of Long Ago

12.10.1952

Mother: “It was in 1898, I was 20. The man whom I saw at that time you are going to see tomorrow in the cinema⁹⁵.”

In the Psychic

13.10.1952

Mother: “Neither a passionate vital attraction nor an agitated withdrawal should be there. There is no place for all this in the psychic.”

Champaklal is a Psychologist

16.10.1952

Photographer Chiman’s birthday. Mother told him: “You have all the photographs with you. So that is not in question. What book do you want? Last Poems?”

Champaklal: “Give him photographs, Mother.”

Mother: “You are pleading.”

C: ‘‘I am pleading because if I were in his place I would not ask but would like to have them from you without asking. I would expect that from you, Mother.”

Mother then went in to fetch them from her room and then told Chiman: “Champaklal is a psychologist!”

When Mother said this I knew the meaning of the word but not the slightest idea why she was describing me like this. But now she has explained to me through experience. For instance, I see that many parents, for some reason or other, cannot understand their children and therefore do not behave with them properly. Of course I have also seen parents who do understand their children, but they are few.

Do not Tell

3.11.1952

Mother observed about somebody: “He has the taste and capacity to choose correctly; and if he is steady, he may achieve something.”

C: “Shall I tell him that, Mother?”

Mother: “No, it will have the opposite effect. He has a rebellious nature.”

Others’ Spiritual Influences

It was always a principle with Mother to discourage sadhaks from opening themselves to spiritual influences other than those of their Gurus. As you know, Sri Aurobindo has explained why it should be so.

Once a well-known saint had come to our Ashram to see Mother. The saint had been invited to the room of a sadhak for a function.

C: “Mother, I am going to attend this function.”

Mother: “What, Champaklal! You also are going there? Champaklal, take care.”

C: “Mother, I am like a stone. I do not go to take or to get anything spiritual; I go only to see.”

Mother: “All right, go. Interesting.”

Significances of Colours

Poetry Pale

Blue (Sky Blue)

Painting

Rainbow

Sculpture

Red

Music

Green

Dance

White

Thought

Yellow

Physico-vital life

Red

Mental-vital life

Deep Blue

Spiritual life

Pearl Gray

Life Divine

Golden

Messages and Their Colours

A request had come from the Purna Yoga Kendra for a message.

Mother gave a blank white card and said, “It is a silent message.” Later she indicated:

Blue for Hindi messages

Pink for Bengali messages

Yellow for Gujarati messages.

Early Breakfast

6.2.1953

Mother told me: “From tomorrow I will have my breakfast early in the morning at 6.30. You must keep my soup ready. Otherwise it becomes 11 o’clock and I cannot take my regular food afterwards. If my breakfast is so late I cannot take lunch.”

“She was Ambitious”

31.3.1953

Yesterday Mother saw the film Julius Caesar at the Playground.

Today she said: “The play is very interesting. In future, some may say about me that I was very ambitious. So I have written something very very interesting. But I won’t show it now. I have kept it (showing me her bag which was hanging near her chair) very secret. When people will see it in future, they will find it interesting.”

I have not seen what Mother wrote. But I have found some small slips of paper on which, possibly, she made the original draft which may later have been expanded. Here are those notes:

It will be said of me: “She was ambitious, she wanted to transform the world.” But the world does not want to be transformed except by a very long and slow process, so slow that the change cannot be perceptible from one generation to the other.

I find that Nature delays and wastes. But she finds that I am too much in a hurry and too troublesome and exacting.

Let me write down all I have to say; let me foretell all that will be done, and then, if no one finds that I am doing it properly, I shall retire and leave others to do it.⁹⁶

31.3.53

People are Slow

4.4.1953

Mother went down for distribution at 10:15 a.m. It was finished within 25 minutes because only a few people were there. Then they started coming in slowly, one by one and Mother had to sit there for one full hour – waiting until all of them had come. She went up only after 11:40 a.m.

Robbers on the Way

26.10.1953⁹⁷

I read and liked the following sentence in an article by Maulana Azad: “I know the path, but what can I do if robbers rob me on the way?”

I copied it down on a slip of paper and took it to Mother. She wrote on the back of the slip:

“Call the Lord to catch the robbers.”

Mother’s Moving to the Top Floor

On the morning of the 9th December 1953 after meditation, Mother informed Dyuman that she would go up to her new room on the second floor from that night. Thereafter she spent the nights there. And now and then she would spend some time there during the daytime also.

From March 20, 1962, after going back to this room from the Balcony darshan, she did not come down at all⁹⁸.

The entrance to this room is through two doors, an outer wire-net door and an inner wooden one. On the first day, when I went in with her, Mother instructed me that both these doors should not remain open at the same time. While entering, the net-door had first to be closed and then only the inner one opened. She herself was so particular about this that while entering, she would open the first door just to the extent necessary and ask me to follow her immediately before dosing it.

On the first day, I said: “Mother, you go in. I shall follow afterwards.” But she said: “No, you come.”

By observation and experience I learnt that she wanted to open the door as few times as possible. If there were things to be taken inside, they were all to be first collected in the tiny hallway between the two doors and only then would she go inside her room. Now this was all right if there were only two persons. But when there were three? And that too when Mother was one of them! Again, as you know, the outer door opens to the outside but the inner opens into the hallway. You can imagine the awkwardness when there were three persons together, as it used to happen on the first of the month, when Mother, Vasudha and I would find ourselves in the hallway at the same time! Of course, like all things with her, this arrangement also got changed in the course of time. You have seen how, after some years, both doors had to be kept open at the same time to allow the long line of devotees to go in for Pranam and come out with the least waste of time.

Another interesting feature. In the beginning Mother was particular that no flowers were kept in this room. But slowly this rule had to be relaxed and the result was that all sorts of insects – flies, mosquitoes, ants, spiders, cockroaches – came into the room along with the flowers. Most people do not know that when they put flowers in her hands or left them in her lap, ants and other insects used to climb on her hands and then crawl about on her body. But she would never protest.

What has the Mother not done for us?

Always be Conscious

This was before Mother’s second-floor apartment was built. At that time, on the southern side of Mother’s salon, under the window opening on the western side, there was an old Japanese seat, on which Mother sat when she worked or met people. It was here that, before going for the Balcony darshan, Mother would write the messages for Biren⁹⁹which have been published in facsimile. And for a period she also had her meals here with Pranab. Beside this Japanese seat, there used to be a big cupboard in which Mother kept the books she gave to people.

Now, for my convenience, a shelf had been fixed between the upper and lower parts of that cupboard. I used it whenever I had to take out the books Mother had chosen to distribute to those who had asked for them. At present, only Mother’s seat is there; but then, one big round cushion as high as a chair was kept in front of the seat, so that Mother could stretch out her legs comfortably. This made the passage narrower and one had to be very cautious while getting up not to bang one’s head against the shelf that was jutting out.

Sometimes Amrita had to sit there for some work. After he banged his head several times against it while getting up I requested Mother to remove the shelf as she had got it made only for my convenience and it was not absolutely indispensable. But to my repeated requests, she gave the same answer: “One should always be conscious” and refused to remove it. It is still there.

On Her Photographs

3.1.1955

The Yuvaraja of Kashmir¹⁰⁰ had asked for a photo of the Mother. Mother selected three photos:

The one in which she has a veil, taken in Algeria.

The one she captioned “Certitude of Victory”, taken by Venkatesh.

And the one she captioned “Durga”, taken by Vidyavrata.

She looked at them and remarked: “Youngest and oldest, same look, same eyes, only the expression is different; same determination but here the authority is much more… much more… much more. Fearless, powerful, dominating eyes.”

Without Reserve

If the Mother asked us to surrender without reserve, on her side she gave herself entirely, without reserve. She lost no opportunity to shower her love and grace, no occasion to express her identification and solicitude.

The other day I found this piece of Mother’s writing: “To my beloved child and faithful companion in the building up of the New World.”

Though no name was there, I knew immediately to whom she had written it. It could only be to Pranab. I showed it to him and asked if it was for him. In a low voice, humbly, he said: “Yes.”

Then I asked him whether it could be published. He was not willing – “too personal”, he said. Then I told him that I wanted it for a purpose. After a little hesitation he consented. I understood he did not want to refuse me. On further thought I told Pranab that the writing on my paper was perhaps not complete and I felt that Mother might have written something more in the message she had given to him. On many occasions, while copying out what she had written, she used to add or change things. The next day Pranab gave me the complete message given to him on his birthday:

18.10.1957

To my beloved child and faithful companion in the building up of the New World.

With my love, my trust and my blessings for ever.

The Mother

The Ashram, the Samadhi and the Symbols

When I came to know that Shri Jauhar had named the centre he started in Delhi as SRI AUROBINDO ASHRAM, I told Mother, “There is only one Sri Aurobindo Ashram and that is in Pondicherry.” Afterwards Mother asked Shri Jauhar to rename it ‘Sri Aurobindo Ashram, Delhi Branch’.

Later, when I saw that Shri Jauhar had asked permission to inscribe SRI AUROBINDO’S SAMADHI on the vault in which Sri Aurobindo’s relics were enshrined in the Delhi Branch, I said to Mother, “There is only one Samadhi of Sri Aurobindo, only the one here in Pondicherry. Nowhere else should this name be used.” Then, on 28 November 1957, Mother changed the word Samadhi to Shrine. In the press proof reproduced here you can see that the Mother has struck out the word Samadhi and replaced it with Shrine. The Mother was against using the word Samadhi and told me: “Show this to those who do not accept it.” And she signed it.

These are examples of how the Mother acted on suggestions from others if she felt them to be right.

But sometimes even if she did not feel it was right she let things go on. For instance she did not like people printing her symbol. Generally she flatly refused permission but in some cases she would allow it and later remark: “Since they are asking for our permission to print it, it is better to consent. Otherwise what can we do if they print it without permission?”

Similarly Mother did not like people writing an address in this way:

Champaklal Chottalal Purani

C/o Sri Aurobindo Ashram

Pondicherry

She did not like this c/o (care of) but what could be done!

Thus, to make any final pronouncement on her working is extremely difficult. We have only to see whether we ourselves are sincere or not in our work. We have to remain extremely alert to see that we are not working to satisfy our personal desires and our likes and dislikes.

65 The first issue of Bulletin of Physical Education came out on 21 February 1949. The eight essays that Sri Aurobindo wrote on the subject, the last of his prose writings, were serialised there in 1949-50 and reprinted in book-form in 1952 under the tide The Supramental Manifestation upon Earth. In 1959, this quarterly was renamed Bulletin of Sri Aurobindo International Centre of Education.

66 Every year, a few selected members of the Physical Education Department compose a mass drill in which most of its members participate; it is one of the drills presented as an offering to the Mother on every 2nd December.

67 P.A. Subramania Iyer. [M.P. Pandit’s note] The badges were distributed on the 25th anniversary of Sri Aurobindo’s arrival in Pondicherry: See 4.4.1935 in “Correspondence with Champaklal”, Part 4, p. 362 of this book.

68 In his copy of Champaklalna Sansmarano where this conclusion occurs, Jayantilal wrote and signed this note: “When I had asked Mother’s permission for procuring the colours, she said, ‘No’.”

69 Sahana Devi, a famous singer of Bengal, settled in the Ashram in 1928.

70 A poem written in a new metre by Sri Aurobindo on 31.12.1934.

71 Surendramohan Ghosh settled here in 1930. He was an efficient manager and was in charge of several departments.

72 Françoise; Ashram name: Poornaprema. [M.P. Pandit’s note

73 Alauddin Khan, founder of the Mainar gharana and guru of Ali Akbar Khan, Ravi Shankar and others, spent a few days in the Ashram. He also gave sarod concerts at Prasad House and Arogya House.

74 Name given by Sri Aurobindo to T.V. Rama Reddy (1904-70) who settled here in 1930. He was given charge of the Ashram bank. In 1955, when Mother formed the Sri Aurobindo Ashram Trust, she appointed him one of the five Trustees.

75 A farm of the Ashram. 4.10.1949 was a Tuesday.

76 André Morisset, Mother’s son (23 August 1889 – 29 March 1982). See Mother India, May 1982, pp. 301-06.

77 In 1974, the bonus given to Ashram workers crossed one lakh rupees. [M.P. Pandit’s note

78 “Once there was a shortage of funds in the Ashram so Mother decided to give some of her jewels in exchange for some money. It was decided that according to their capacities devotees would be given a jewel or two to keep as a sacred souvenir from Mother.” – Pranab Kumar Bhattacharya, I Remember, 1993, p. 52.

79 Satyendra Thakore was one of those chosen by Mother to attend on Sri Aurobindo after his accident in 1938. For more on him see his article in Breath of Grace, pp. 177-182.

80 The Mother decided that Sri Aurobindo must walk leaning on two persons and not use crutches. Dr. Manilal chose Purani and Satyendra but as they were not of the same height, Mother made Champaklal replace Satyendra on the left side. “Champaklal had his aspiration fulfilled. His was the last support Sri Aurobindo was to give up.” – Nirodbaran, Twelve Years with Sri Aurobindo, 1988, p. 24.

81 Harikant Patel first came in October 1934 and finally settled here in April 1935. Sometime in 1944 Mother gave him charge of Prosperity. He was made a Trustee in November 1974, presently he is the Managing Trustee.

82 For a few years after Sri Aurobindo’s accident his attendants gave him a sponge-bath in his room; later the room to its east was converted into a bathroom. – Nirodbaran, Twelve years with Sri Aurobindo, 1988, p. 26.

83 Cf. Sri Aurobindo’s comments in SABCL vol. 3, pp. 226-27, and vol. 9, p. 76.

84 Ali Hydari, son of Sir Akbar Hydari (Prime Minister of Hyderabad and a devotee of Sri Aurobindo), and his wife Alys were very devoted to the Mother and lived in the Ashram for several years. For more about them and the Ashram of that period see Bilkees Latif, Her India, 1984, pp. 166-190.

85 Dara first visited the Ashram in June 1926. See Prabhakar’s article “Among the not so great” in Mother India, Nov. 1999, p. 1101, and Dara’s “Correspondence with Sri Aurobindo” in Bulletin, from August 1998 onwards. Sri Aurobindo’s and Mother’s letters to Dara’s brother René and his sister Chinmayee are published in Champaklal’s Treasures, 1976, pp. 21-44.

86 Jayantilal Parekh (1913-99) studied art in Shantiniketan before joining the Ashram in 1938. Served the Ashram in various capacities before the Mother entrusted him with the responsibility of setting up and organising the Ashram’s Archives and Research Library. See Mother India 1999, p. 442; and Mother India 2000, pp. 224-25, 295-98, 383-86.

87 Mother used this fortunate room as her bedroom until her second-floor room was built in 1953. Mother’s cot used to be where there is now a big almirah that we see just on entering the room. Nearby there is a chair on which she sat to meet the department heads whom she used to call together in a group. And sometimes standing beside this chair, and facing east, she also met some sadhaks individually. [Champaklal’s note

88 Raman Maharshi passed away on April 14th. At the time of his departure Mother was sitting outdoors in the Playground taking her French class. When a large shooting star passed through the evening sky, she is reported to have said, “A great soul has passed away.”

89 A renowned French photographer who travelled all over the world. – Sri Aurobindo: Archives and Research, December 1990, p. 229.

90 Suryakumari, name given to Mme G.R. Lafargue, who came thrice to the Ashram between 1937 and 1938, staying a few months each time. She returned in October 1946 and remained here for several years.

91 A youthful and energetic Parsi sadhika (1919-99) who settled here in the late 1940s and was close to Mother.

92 V.S. Tatachari, a disciple living in New York who founded the Sri Aurobindo Library, a publishing concern. The New York company was Magnum Photos which Cartier-Bresson partially owned. Magnum asked for and was paid $3000. – Sri Aurobindo: Archives and Research, December 1990, pp. 299, 233.

93 Alexandra David-Neel, a Buddhist friend of the Mother who met Sri Aurobindo in 1910 on her way to Tibet, wrote in L’Inde où j’ai vécu, Paris, 1951: “…recent visitors tell me that… once or twice a year the Master placed himself behind a curtain beneath which only his feet emerged. His admirers… prostrated themselves before the feet. [This] information [came] to me from several different sources.” – Sri Aurobindo: Archives and Research, April 1987, pp. 115-16.

94 The German weekly, Heute (‘Today’), in its issue of 8 November 1950, carried a two-page spread of pictures and a brief write-up with a sarcastic slant. – Sri Aurobindo: Archives and Research, December 1990, pp. 231-32.

95 This is part of Mother’s conversation with Nirodbaran; they had just returned from the Playground after seeing J’accuse, a French film on Emile Zola. The man Mother referred to in the sentence above was Anatole France. The next day, the 13th, two films were shown: Paris plein ciel and Life of Emile Zola. – Nirodbaran, Memorable Contacts with the Mother, 1991, pp. 50-51.

96 A translation done prior to the one in Collected Works of the Mother, vol. 13, pp. 49-50.

97 Dated 26.10.1963 in Champaklal’s Treasures, 1976, p. 7; here changed to 26.10.1953 as per Champaklal’s note in his papers.

98 One of the reasons for her not coming down after this date was a series of “heart attacks”. See Collected Works of the Mother, vol. 11, Notes on the Way, for details.

99 Biren Chunder (1915-97), a master in physical culture and physiotherapy, settled here in 1945. He met Mother daily as manager of New Bindery. The messages that she wrote in his diary from 1 April to 31 December 1954 were published as Mantras of the Mother.

100 Dr. Karan Singh, an erudite scholar of Sri Aurobindo’s writings, was then on a visit to the Ashram.