The Grace arranges my work

One day I said to Mother:

“Mother, I would like to wash my father’s dhoti.”

She smiled and said that she would ask Sri Aurobindo. The next day when I went to Sri Aurobindo he looked at me and said:

“You want to wash my dhoti?”

C: “Yes.”

Sri Aurobindo: “Are you ready?”

I looked at him in surprise and wondered why he asked that.

Sri Aurobindo: “You know, people will mock at you, laugh at you, joke about you. Are you ready for all that?”

When he saw that I was eager to do this work in spite of such possibilities, he looked at me affectionately and smiled. He said so because the Ashram atmosphere was like that at that time. But very soon Mother changed it entirely.

As I look back, I clearly see that it was the Mother who made me ask for this work. For it is not in my nature to ask anything for myself. True, I always aspired to be able to spend all my time and all my energy in the service of Mother and Sri Aurobindo. This aspiration got fulfilled in different ways, often to my utter surprise.

When I came here for good, cooks were from the pariah caste. In Library House the cook was an old pariah woman who was fairskinned enough to be taken for a Brahmin. Afterwards I came to know that she had also worked as a cook in France. Pariahs are considered a low caste like that of scavengers but the ones I saw here kept themselves clean. A pariah named Ratnam used to wash Sri Aurobindo’s and the Mother’s commodes; at first sight he too did not seem to me of a low caste. When Sri Aurobindo and the Mother moved into Meditation House, the commodes were washed at a tap in the small shed where they now distribute flowers and incense for the Samadhi. (The tiny room behind was the boiler room; the contraption is still there.) I have read in a book by Kishensingh28 that when he asked for permission to wash these commode pots Mother refused it. In my case however, the gracious Mother herself gave this work, which I had wished to do but had never asked for.

There are thus many incidents where the Mother herself arranged my work without my asking. Actually her grace is constantly showered on each and everyone of us, but we cannot see it. When the time comes she herself makes us aware of it.

Madhav: “Once when I was sitting by your side on the landing, waiting for Mother to call us, you told me that every aspiration of yours had been or was in the process of being fulfilled. At that time, I asked you why you did not spend all the time in Mother’s room, a thing which you could very well have done. But you said: ‘No, it has to be arranged by itself. The aspiration is there, of course, but I know it will be realised in due time.’ And in the course of a few months I did see it come to pass. You found yourself there practically all the time. That made a deep impression on me and convinced me that sincere aspiration, even when not expressed in words, evokes response from the Grace. Your life has been a standing example of this truth. Sorry to interrupt you, Champakbhai, please proceed.”

In the early days, Mother used to prepare a pudding. She would set aside a small quantity in a saucer, add a little milk and stir it with a spoon till it became smooth and consistent. She showed me how to do it and was particular that no grains should be left unmashed. And when she passed on the work to me, I followed her directions to the letter.

And do you know for whom this portion of the pudding was meant? For the cats! Later on I learnt that they were not mere cats but something more. You would be interested to know that at one time Sri Aurobindo himself removed bones from the fish meant for these cats. It was a sight to see him doing it with Chinese chopsticks.

There was another work. In those days there were no filters as we have now. But Mother was drinking filtered water. The mechanism employed was quite simple. A filter candle was placed in a big enamel jug kept on a window sill. A tube joined it to a kuja [earthen pot] kept on the floor. I had specially arranged for a big kuja. Mother washed this candle every day with a brush. As she brushed it, I would pour water over it from a kettle. It was such a joy to work with her.

One by one, different kinds of work went on being added, each one giving me the privilege of working with her that much more. Of course this was possible then because she was not seeing people as she did later on and so she had more time to herself.

Though I have not written down details of the life in those days, as perhaps you may have done, I have such sweet memories of them. As I recount them to you, I relive them and my being bows to Them in gratitude.

Rapid Changes

You know I came here with the object of God-realisation. Here I found the stress on Transformation. Very soon, however, both receded and Service took hold of my being entirely.

Work or Meditation

I was holding strong views on the subject of sadhana. I had always felt that meditation was not at all necessary. When I came to Mother, this idea became stronger. One day, however, I asked Sri Aurobindo whether work was not enough and meditation was at all necessary. He replied emphatically that meditation was very necessary. He explained why it was necessary to sit in meditation. Among other things he said that when one sits quietly one can receive fully what comes from above. This habit must be formed.

I may add that my subsequent experience has confirmed what he said.

Sitting Erect

Madhav: “Champakbhai, I notice that you always sit erect, never leaning or bending. I am curious to know how you do that.”

C: Ah, there is a story behind it. During my childhood, even at 6 or 7 years of age, I could not sit without leaning. Once my father asked me, “Why do you sit in that way?” I replied that I could not sit otherwise; my back ached much if I sat erect. He was surprised and remarked that it was strange, for such backache comes only in old age. Things continued in this way till I came here to Mother at the age of 20.

One day I told Mother of this difficulty. She told me: “Champaklal, you do what I say. Take a towel and rub your back with it, first vertically and then horizontally.”

I started doing it for a short time after bath, regularly. Once I looked at the watch to see how long it took. The time taken was short though it seemed long to me. Since then I started counting the number of times I did the rubbings: I used to do the up and down movement 60 times and an equal number sideways. Nowadays I do it a 100 times each way. 60 should suffice, but when I do more the hands also get some exercise. As you know I was 20 when I came here for good and next month I will be completing 73. This exercise has lasted all these years and helped me to sit erect.

I find that generally people do not care for such natural ways of curing things; they prefer to take pills. They do not realise that medicines bring in their own interferences.

Unfortunate

On 10 October 1923 one of my classmates in Patan (after I left, he too turned to Sri Aurobindo) came to Pondicherry. This boy was very poor. In order to save money for his travel and his stay here, he was having only one meal a day – and that too not a full meal.

I had done exactly the same thing when I came here for good, the same year in June. I did not want to ask for money from home but wanted to stay here as long as possible. So I used to have only one meal, not a full meal, and carry on. That went on for about two months. Having undergone the same experience I could appreciate his sincerity.

He wanted to see Sri Aurobindo. To see Mother was out of the question; she was not meeting anyone. Now I myself could have asked Sri Aurobindo, but his destiny was different and it so happened that his request was conveyed by someone else. Sri Aurobindo said: “Tell him I will give darshan at Patan.” So he had to go back. But he wrote later that he did have Sri Aurobindo’s darshan in his house in Patan.

Later I learnt that the person who spoke to Sri Aurobindo about this boy had said: “The boy is unbalanced; if he sees you he will lose his head.” Naturally, Sri Aurobindo’s answer was what it was. Besides, he himself was not eager to see anyone. I was very sorry that someone I believed to be an advanced sadhak could behave so irresponsibly. Anyway it was the Divine’s Will; otherwise I would have been made to ask for permission and arrange his interview with Sri Aurobindo.

Steadfast and Meticulous

I was not ‘educated’ in the sense the word is commonly used. Yet Sri Aurobindo showered his infinite grace on me and called me to his Ashram. My ideas were indeed somewhat conservative and I was, and still am to some extent, quite temperamental. I did not possess the insight to see things in the overall perspective nor was I aware in those days that one ought to have such a comprehensive view. It was Mother who taught me this. I still lack that integrality, but when it is necessary, she herself will grant it to me. Of course, I was not absolutely stupid. Whenever someone tried to clarify his point I kept myself open to understand it, and I acted with equality and love to the best of my ability. However, when I came in contact with others I often felt that they could not understand me. It was said, “Champak is obstinate and trying; once he decides to do something he does not let go.”

I remember Mother once commented about this aspect of my nature to Sri Aurobindo, just by observing me from far.

When Sri Aurobindo lived in Library House, the present Fruit Room was his dining room. Nolini, Amrita, Bijoy and Moni, who lived in Library House, also dined with him. One day while eating, Sri Aurobindo said, “Mirra (as Mother was then called) told me that Champaklal has a steadfast and meticulous mind. It is the first time she has found such a mind in an Indian.”

Later, one of those four told it to Purani who narrated it to Punamchandbhai but told him not to tell me as it might make me proud and hinder my progress. But Punamchandbhai told me. On hearing it I could not see what was there to make me proud or hinder my progress. On the contrary, I was happy to know that at least Mother understood me – the one whom all had called obstinate and trying she had found steadfast and meticulous.

Sri Aurobindo and the Mother are my All; they alone are my aradhyadeva, the Form of the Divine that I worship. Whatever they have taught me, through words or gestures or writing, I follow to my utmost capacity. In actual fact, it is they who make me do it and it is by their grace that it is done.

Nowadays when someone observes my reactions and then shows me some writing of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother, saying, “This is what they have said” or quotes them from memory, if I find it appropriate I do accept it. But if I don’t accept it, it does not mean I consider what Sri Aurobindo and Mother have said to be wrong, but that the time has not yet come for me to follow it. When the time comes for me to put it into practice, they themselves will make me do it and that I believe absolutely. What has been written to others cannot be wrong, but it is possible that it is not meant for me.

House for Mementos

This happened in 1923, when I had just started my work with the Mother. She used to write letters to her mother. At times she would show me the address she had written on the envelope. She wrote it with a Japanese brush; it was so pretty to see. At times she sealed the cover. Once I was present when she was sealing: she lit a candle, kept the match-s

tick aside and sealed the cover with lac. After she finished, she gave me the match-stick to throw away. I asked humbly: “Can I keep it?”

Mother looked at me and smiled. Affectionately she said: “You can, surely. But you see, you will require a whole house to keep things like this.” Again she smiled. Then she placed the matchstick in my palm, pressing it gently.

On another occasion, when a similar thing happened, I said to Mother: “In Gujarat, my mother had a separate house for storing things. Whenever something was needed from there I went and brought it for her. I was then very young but did this work with great enthusiasm.”

Priceless

There was a small tea-pot in which the Mother served tea to Sri Aurobindo. One day when I came for work, I saw it broken into pieces and lying in a corner; obviously the servant had thrown it there. I collected the pieces, glued them together and remade the pot. It is still with me!

The Mother was extremely pleased and said: “Wonderful! You are a genius, a genius!” She appreciated it very much.

This tea-pot was very precious to me because Sri Aurobindo himself had handled it. For me it was priceless. For it was in Sri Aurobindo’s presence that Mother used to pour tea from it into his cup. Later when the routine changed, this same tea-pot would be covered with a tea-cosy and kept on a tray on his table. Sri Aurobindo himself would remove the cosy and pour the tea into his cup from this tea-pot. Having witnessed all this I was inspired to put the broken pieces together.

Champaklal does not understand jokes

This incident took place when Sri Aurobindo and the Mother were living in Library House. Sri Aurobindo used to come to the bathroom to wash his hands and feet; when he went in he left his slippers outside the door. I would be present there and would turn the slippers around so that he could put them on easily when he came out. Then, while he washed his feet, I would stand inside, in a corner of the bathroom, near the door. It is through Her infinite Grace that I was able to receive such opportunities to serve.

I recall what Sri Aurobindo said to me one day when I was standing quietly in a corner of the bathroom and he was washing his feet. A letter had come from my aunt Motiben saying that preparations had been made for my marriage; even the bride’s ornaments were ready. It was only my presence there that was awaited. Mother had been informed about this letter and she had already spoken to Sri Aurobindo.

And now, in the bathroom, Sri Aurobindo said: “Champaklal, you have to go to Patan. We shall send you away.” I became very serious but seeing my face Sri Aurobindo started to smile mildly.

In those days Sri Aurobindo believed sadhaks should not marry and never gave his permission for it. So when he seemed ready to send me away to get married I was speechless.

That evening, Sri Aurobindo recounted this incident to all during the talks and remarked: “Champaklal does not understand jokes.”

My nature is still the same.

A few characteristics of the Mother and Sri Aurobindo

The Mother relished macaroni. There was a cook here who had been to France and she alone among us could make it with a truly delicious taste. In the early years, I remember, olives and macaroni were practically the only food for her. Afterwards Dyuman29 tried his level best to find out what other dishes she liked and provided them.

When she was living in Library House, Mother always had her bath late in the evening. While bathing she would sing, and the song often continued for a very long time.

In the beginning the Mother always wore tabi – a type of Japanese socks split at the toe, which can be kept on indoors like slippers and when going outdoors sandals can be worn over them. For many years she did not permit anybody to touch her feet, as she did not like it at all. But later she stopped wearing them for the sake of her children – because they wanted to touch her feet during pranam.

Sri Aurobindo always kept his feet bare however cold the weather; he never covered them at night. They were always bare.

Sri Aurobindo had the utmost dislike of flies. If any fly suddenly touched his body or came near during meal-times, though we tried our best to ensure that no flies came, yet, if ever it happened, an expression of dislike would immediately appear on his face. It was the only thing that brought dislike to his face.

Clairvoyance

The Mother once said to me: “I saw you when Dikshit came. I remember.”

C: “But Mother, I did not come with him; he came alone³⁰.”

Mother: “But I did see you, I remember very well!”

I have heard Mother saying such things many times; some of them I distinctly remember. Someone brings a letter from his friend. While reading it she sees that friend.

Or to tell you of a particular incident: Once Sri Aurobindo said to Mother that Barin was bringing a letter and he was on the staircase. Mother told Sri Aurobindo that Barin was coming along with another man. What had happened was that Mother saw the writer of the letter accompanying Barin, though only his letter was in Barin’s hand.

“You are an angel!”

Sri Aurobindo gave a small pencil to the Mother and she kept it very carefully guarded. It was of a kind not found nowadays. Whenever she showed it she would say, with a specially notable expression: “You see, this is Sri Aurobindo’s pencil.” Her expression when she said this was far more striking than her words.

Once, no one knew how, it was lost. I managed to find it and gave it to her. She exclaimed joyously: “O Champaklal, truly you are an angel! Champaklal, truly you are an angel!” Then she gave me a pen holder as a present saying it was her cadeau (the French word for gift).

In olden days one could buy a type of “paper” pencil which did not need to be sharpened as the lead was covered with paper instead of wood. At short lengths there were grooves into which one inserted a finger-nail and removed one length of paper which came out in circular strips and exposed the lead. Children were fascinated by these pencils.

Once I was present when the Mother removed a strip of paper from this pencil. I took that strip and opened it carefully to make a circle which I pasted on a card. Mother was extremely pleased with that card.

Dilemma

In the early days, as you know, Sri Aurobindo used to smoke cigars. It was my work to collect the empty boxes and sell them in the market. Each time, on the way to the market, I wondered: the boxes in which Sri Aurobindo’s cigars have come, which have been handled by him and also touched by the Mother, how can we give them away to people who don’t value them for all this? So I was always tempted to keep them and pay their market price to the Mother, but I managed to resist the desire and control my wish.

One day Mother brought an old timepiece from Sri Aurobindo’s room, gave it to me and asked me to sell it to a watch repairer at whatever price he offered. Dutifully I took it to the shop and he offered a rupee and a quarter or perhaps two rupees and odd. I could not bring myself to part with the timepiece. So I brought it back and told Mother what had happened.

“May I keep it?” I asked her with trepidation.

She smiled beautifully. “All right,” she said, but took it back.

Imagine my surprise when the next morning Sri Aurobindo took the timepiece in his hand and smiling sweetly asked me: “Champaklal, you want the clock?” And he placed it in my hands.

Thereafter it stayed with me. Once, however, Dikshitbhai who had come on a visit had no watch with him and Punamchandbhai suggested I give this clock to him. Naturally I was reluctant, but finally, thinking that my reluctance was due to what many called my ‘bugbear of selfishness’, I yielded. And the tragedy of it was that the clock was stolen from Diskshitbhai’s room. When occasion arose I mentioned the incident to the Mother. To my mind the clock was invaluable because it was used by Sri Aurobindo – it used to be kept on the table near him when he saw people in the mornings in the verandah of Library House.

From childhood I disliked anyone using my things. Instead when possible I used to buy books, pens etc. and give rather than loan the ones I used to others; in fact I did this several times; only I could not understand why I behaved like that. But when I heard that Mother too did the same thing, I was sure that this behaviour was not rooted in selfishness. And when I asked Mother about it she explained everything to me very nicely, in detail, and finally said, “There was no selfishness at all in your not wanting to lend the clock to Dikshit.” Then she added, “It was a lesson.”

Mother tends a Banana Garden

When Sri Aurobindo and the Mother lived in Library House, there was a small garden in the front; and at the back of Library House, where there is the Prosperity and Fruit Room building now, there was a banana garden. I learnt from Barin that the front garden was under his charge and the banana garden was looked after by Mother and she took very great interest in it. Of course, there was a gardener for the manual work.

After I started working with Mother I saw why she was taking such a deep interest in the banana garden. Sri Aurobindo was taking these bananas with milk. A milk preparation with fully mashed bananas was served to him. Naturally Mother also gave it to some others.

The fruit was the green variety which in its raw form is used in making vegetables and other dishes, especially here in the South.

Champaklal’s Palm Tree

One day I went to the Oosteri Lake area. I saw a delicate and beautiful sapling of a new variety of palm tree in a garden there³¹. I liked very much its fresh leaves and asked the gardener if he could give me a sapling. Traditionally, palm leaves symbolize Victory. He had many such saplings and readily gave me one. I brought it to the Guest House and planted it in a pot which I placed on the terrace outside the room Mother occupied when she lived in that house and was later given to me.

One day Barin (who also lived in Guest House) saw the palm sapling and liked it very much. He asked me whether I wanted to offer it. I said, “Yes, certainly.” I was very happy to give it. New leaves had sprung up and it was so pretty. Barin offered it to Mother saying that it was from me. Mother said: “Yes, it can be put in a corner of our terrace.”

Barin had not expected that but he liked the idea very much and placed it accordingly. It remained there for some time and then was taken down and planted in the front garden at the entrance of Library House, on the left as you enter. Later one day – I do not know how it had happened – I found the palm in the large compound near the garage [opening into Saint Gilles street] in the Mother’s new house [Secretariat House]; this time also it stood on the left side.

Whenever new leaves sprouted I used to inform Mother and she would come to the window and look at the palm for a long time. She would happily exclaim: “Magnificent! Beautiful!”

This tree yields rare but really beautiful flowers. Those who have lived here from those old times know it as ‘Champaklal’s palm’.

Madhav: “Ah, I see. It is the one which has survived so many cyclones that uprooted other trees in the compound – the one of which Mother was so proud for having defied the storm.”

C: “Lucky palm!”

Carpentry and Masonry

Mother used to order a number of things from France so that sadhaks would not have to go to the bazaar for them; besides they were cheaper when so purchased. The dealwood boxes in which they were parcelled were kept for storing things. Lids for these boxes were made from planks which she herself joined by nailing sidebars on both sides. She asked me if I could undertake that work. I willingly agreed to try and she was happy to see me doing it. She would sit on a low Japanese stool and watch me doing the work, giving instructions when necessary. It was a very pleasant experience. Mother had ordered some fine carpentry tools from France. Later Pavitra also joined in my carpentry work. We made a table from these dealwood planks for ironing clothes. At that time there was no table for this purpose. Mother used to come and watch us working on the table and when it was ready she expressed great happiness. After this Pavitra took up some other work and did not join me any more in my carpentry work.

In Library House, there were a couple of holes in the floor of Mother’s room: one in the middle and another near the door leading to the store-room. There was a third, a deep one, in the bathroom.

One day Mother told me, “Sri Aurobindo asks, ‘Can’t Champaklal do something about them?’ ”

I was naturally very happy that Sri Aurobindo should have thought of me and immediately took up the work. Rajangam supplied all requirements, as always he was very helpful. Later when Mother told me, “Sri Aurobindo said, ‘Now it is very convenient.’ ” I was extremely gratified.

I must record here that such works too I had learnt from my physical mother. Whenever she was doing these things I used to help her and that experience proved useful.

Swastika

One day I drew a circle, a square within that circle and within that square, a swastika. On seeing it, Mother exclaimed: “How did you get the idea! Very interesting!”

Fulfilments

In my boyhood days whenever I read and thought about Sri Ramakrishna I felt a strong wish that I must be always close to a great spiritual personality like him. I had heard of Sri Aurobindo at that time but always discounted the possibility of closeness to him as I thought he was rather ‘modern’.

Years later when I came here to stay, things started happening. At that time permission was necessary to attend the Evening Talks. I have told you how happily it got arranged.

One day Sri Aurobindo suddenly stopped coming downstairs. Mother sent word to Bijoy to send Sri Aurobindo’s food upstairs but asked him not to expect the dish back. Of her own accord she gave the dish to me as my lunch, after Sri Aurobindo had finished. And that continued as long as we were in Library House.

As you know, when Mother wrote to Chandulal she used such adjectives as ‘faithful’ for him. I would wonder why the Mother did not write it to me also, but I never mentioned it. Imagine my surprise when I received a card on my birthday with the inscription: “First Prize in Faithfulness.”

Meditation on the Battlefield

In the 1920s, as you know, the building now known as ‘the Ashram’ used to be four separate houses which we called Library House, Rosary House, Secretariat House and Meditation House³².

I speak here of Rosary House where today [early 1970s] Pujalal’s rooms are and the cartonnerie [box-making room] where Navinchandra makes cardboard boxes for Prosperity. The entrance to Rosary House has not changed, only the doors of the gate have been replaced. Upstairs, on the eastern side, where Abhay Singh’s rooms are, there was just one room and it was allotted to Doraiswami. On the opposite side, where Navajata’s rooms are, there was a large terrace in which pots of rose plants were kept. Mother was deeply interested in roses, so Amrita maintained that garden and Barin tended the plants. This is why that house was called Rosary House.

Incidentally, the roses were taken to Mother in an interesting way. They were placed in a tin and closed with an almost airtight lid. When the lid was opened in her presence, the fragrance of the roses would spread all around her.

My story belongs to the time when Mother was conducting occult experiments on cats and took great care of them. They roamed around freely. Just inside Rosary house, very near the gate there was an open well and there was a chance of their falling into the well. So Mother thought of covering it with a lid. Though in those days Mother neither met people nor went out of Library House, one day, to my great surprise, she took me with her to this uncovered well and asked me: “Could you prepare a cover for this well?”

I said, “Yes, Mother, I can try.”

She asked me to buy dealwood boxes, giving detailed instructions including their price and where those boxes would be available. I went and bought a big box.

In my schooldays I had learnt a little bit of carpentry. In fact at my uncle’s abhyasagriha, I was not interested in anything except drawing and carpentry, both of which were useful things to know. Possibly if I had studied well, I might have become a scholar but in the process I might have lost the opportunity of becoming a servant of the Divine!

To come back to the story. I took the box to Guest House (where I was then living) and started working in the courtyard where at present Green Group children play in the evenings. Naturally it made a big noise and one sadhak came out of his room and began to grumble that it was disturbing his meditation. In those days sadhaks were very fond of meditating.

When I informed Mother about it, she said: “Sri Aurobindo and I are not disturbed by noise. If one cannot meditate amidst noise it only proves that one is not truly meditating. One must be able to meditate on the battlefield. We are not particular. If they are disturbed there, you may work here; disturb here.”

When the poor sadhak who had complained came to know of this, he was very sorry and asked to be pardoned. Of course I had not said anything to him. Thus I did not have to change the place of work and when the cover was completed, Mother was very happy – happy both for the completion of the work and the change in the sadhak.

Understanding Without Language

25.6.1926

The kuja used for storing drinking water for Mother had been kept on the terrace for drying in the sun. While talking to Champaben I asked her: “Have you cleaned this kuja?”

Before Champaben could reply, the Mother who was present, said “Yes,” and smiled. Then she added: “I have replied without knowing but I would like to know your question. You see, I didn’t know what you said in Gujarati but I understood it. I understand all the languages.”

C: “All the languages?”

Mother: “Yes, but the person who wants to say something must be clear in his mind, absolutely clear. I don’t know Tamil, but sometimes when people are clear in their mind, I understand everything.”

C: “Then did you understand everything that Champaben and I were saying? Does your knowing depend upon external circumstances?”

Mother: “Of course, I cannot understand immediately, everything on every subject. But there is another method of knowing. I concentrate and enter into your mind, and I know. But I do not always take the trouble to do this.”

C: “Suppose something is very clear in my mind but I cannot say it, not knowing the language well enough. I then sit quietly near you. Can you know what I want to say?”

Mother: “Yes.”

C: “What is the meaning of ‘clear’?”

Mother: “People think that their ideas are clear, their feelings are clear; but generally they are not. Very few people have that kind of clear thought in their minds. Take for instance, Madame Potel [a French disciple]. When she wants to send something to me, a letter or bread or anything, I come to know of it as soon as she thinks of it,– even before I receive what she has sent. That lady has this capacity. Though spiritually she has not advanced very far (she has only recently started her sadhana) she has worked very hard along this line.”

C: “Do you know her thoughts by your power or because she directs it towards you?”

Mother: “Many are advanced in their sadhana but do not have this capacity. They may have big ideas and all that, but not this power. I had a friend who was a beginner in sadhana; yet every time he wrote a letter I used to know its contents before I received it. Only a few have this capacity by birth. So when I want to know exactly about the sadhaks I enter into their consciousness and I know what I want to know.”

Thought Communication

Mother used to place a vase of flowers on the table in the verandah of Library House where those who were permitted would meet Sri Aurobindo in the mornings. One day I found that the vase was no longer there and there were no flowers. This continued for some time. Finally one day I arranged some flowers in a vase and put them on the table. When she saw them, Mother asked me:

“When did you get this idea of keeping flowers here?”

C: “I had been thinking of it for many days. But I felt you may not want it and what you do not want I did not want to do. Why do you ask, Mother?”

Mother: “Why I am asking is this: the other day when we spoke about clarity of mind I put this idea of keeping flowers in the atmosphere – that somebody should bring flowers for Sri Aurobindo. I wanted to see who receives it first. Now I see that you have been the first. Very interesting, very interesting.”

Ten Times Worse

11.7.1926

Mother: “When I came here I was ten times worse than you.”

C: “No, no, how can it be?”

Mother: “I tell you, truly, I say.”

Special

31.7.1926

Mother: “The thing you have got here, most have not got.”

“You Will Get It”

25.8.1926

Mother: “I have been trying something in you since the last three weeks. You have been coming to me and talking to me (not this way, but in another way) and I know when your time will come. You will have to be patient. I have also told Sri Aurobindo. We know what you want. And you will get it.”

“As if I am Human”

5.9.1926

Mother: “You consider me a human being and you act as if I am a human being.”

“Have Patience”

6.9.1926

I made pranam to Mother and wept and wept, placing my head in her lap.

Mother: “Yesterday your condition was very good. You were very close to receiving what is coming down. But again you have brought back these things. I told you to throw them away and I also told you that you will get the result. You don’t remember? Keep patience. You don’t remember that you have to keep patience?… Sleep very quietly. I have broken what had to be broken down. And you saw the result? You had to weep…. Now I expect that you won’t call these things back again. I have broken them down. If you don’t call them, they won’t come back. I have told Sri Aurobindo also and I think they won’t come back again. I have told you that after coming here you have to begin everything anew. And all the past shall be dead. You are not to listen to anyone except us. Have patience, have patience. You will get what you want.”

“I Am Your Mother”

13.9.1926

Mother: “One day you came running and weeping to me and fell in my lap. ‘Be my mother, be my mother,’ you told me. I answered, ‘I am your mother.’ ”

“You Will Be Proud”

26.9.1926

Mother: “I do not want to speak, I do not want to tell you because you will become very proud.”

“I Never Take Things Back”

27.9.1926

C: “Mother, what is happening?”

Mother: “I never take things back unless the other person pushes them back. You saw the result yesterday?”

“Who is Working?”

3.10.1926

After the day’s work was over, Mother said to me: “Do you think that you are working? No, your Mother is working.”

(Two days later.)

Mother: “You know, only one Purusha is working in the whole world.”

Mother’s Force

4.10.1926

C: “Mother, I want to see your Force.”

Mother: “Oh, you want to see my Force? If I draw out my Force you will completely collapse; you will be flat. Do you want to experience it? You will not be able to go even up to the railway station.

“You are Depending upon Us”

17.11.1926

Mother: “Surely, we know you are depending upon us. But only when the body will change, you will realise what you want.”

“You will be Given”

18.11.1926

While giving me my soup cup after sipping a little of the soup, Mother said: “Take this cup and you will be fully conscious.”

Later she said: “Whatever you have asked will be given. You have to do nothing. Your sadhana depends on mine; it is being done and will continue to be done with mine³³.”

“Surrender Yourself Completely”

20.11.1926

While giving me something, Mother said: “Surrender yourself completely to me – you will realise your Self.”

The Being who wants to Manifest

20.11.1926

While giving Sri Aurobindo’s lunch dish to me after he had finished, Mother said: “The Being we want to manifest in you demands your complete surrender. He is one of four brothers. He wants to manifest in you and is waiting for you to be ready. And that Being wishes that I should work in you.”

*

On another day she said: “The Being has entered into you.”

*

The next day, she said: To bring down Immortality four pillars are needed. Of them

Purity is Kanai,

Faith is Tirupati,

Adoration is Rajangam,

Aspiration is Champaklal.

Siddhi Day

24.11.1926

Datta spoke:

Krishna the Lord has come.

He has ended the hell of suffering.

He has conquered pain.

He has conquered death.

He has conquered all. He has descended tonight

Bringing Immortality and Bliss.

As each one made pranam to the Mother and she gave her blessing, Sri Aurobindo held his palm above hers in blessing. I was the only person to do pranam to both. It was a spontaneous movement; something in me rushed out and made me do it.

Descending

December 1926

Mother: “Now things are descending upon you, everything will be all right.”

Champaklal becomes a Demigod

Long back, I had once cold Mother:

“I want to see the Divine with these very physical eyes.”

Mother had replied: “Yes, you will see Him.”

*

Oil painting by the Mother done in 1898

“A living image” – Sri Aurobindo

A Portrait by the Mother

After Mother left Library House and I moved into her room, I found three of her old study-portraits done in oil when she was in France, lying in a corner unattended.

After some time, I asked Mother:

“Can I hang the study-portraits which you left behind on the wall of my room?”

Normally I never interfered in the arrangements made by the Mother but in this case I felt that they should be cared for.

Mother: “No, they are not good enough for that.”

But when I persisted she reluctantly permitted me to hang them on the wall of my room. One of them has been reproduced here. They are still in my room which is now occupied by Motiben.

Consideration

[In Library House] Mother used to prepare a soup for Sri Aurobindo. Later she asked me to prepare that soup.

She would take a cupful for Sri Aurobindo and leave some for me, after sipping it. One day it so happened that the cat, Bushy³⁷, put her mouth in the cup meant for me. On seeing it, Mother quickly removed the top layer of the soup, herself took a mouthful (normally she used to take just a sip) and then told me: ‘‘Take it.” She expressed her love and grace in this way in order that I may not shrink from drinking that soup.

Selfish?

From my childhood I was always disinclined to share my things with others. I did not like to lend books, for instance, to people. But within myself I used to feel that I was being very selfish and I would castigate myself for it.

It was only when I came to Mother and mentioned it to her one day that she assured me that it was not selfishness but an attitude based upon a sound principle. And that is, every article used by a person has its own atmosphere. If given for use to others, that atmosphere is likely to be disturbed. This explanation satisfied me completely. I too had vaguely felt the same way.

Wish Fulfilments

I mentioned to you before that every wish in my life has been fulfilled and that if more arise they also will be fulfilled. That has been my observation and conviction. I have a firm faith that all that I have to attain has already been decided above.

I once asked Mother if this is true in everybody’s case.

Mother: “No, no. You live in faith and by faith you get everything. Every man does not wish pointedly for only one thing. It is mixed with many other things and that is why it is not fulfilled.”

Meter Reading

You would be interested to know that after Sri Aurobindo moved into Meditation House, he was himself recording the reading of the electricity meter which was fitted in the bathroom upstairs. He stopped doing this work after the meter was shifted to the ground floor.

Expression of Closeness

I recall an incident that occurred the first time I was asked to prepare the Darshan room for a Darshan day.

Mother’s bathroom was then in the adjoining room. After her bath she used to go to the Darshan room to put on her sari where there was a large almirah with a dressing mirror.

I was working in the Darshan room that day when she entered as usual after her bath, and began to put on her sari standing before the mirror. Immediately I started to go out but she stopped me, saying: “No, no; finish your work.” This expression of trust and closeness filled me with gratitude and happiness.

When I recall the numerous occasions of this kind, my heart is overwhelmed by the Grace she bestowed on me. And she is still showering the same boundless Grace.

Vase of Roses

As I told you, when Sri Aurobindo and Mother lived in Library House, Sri Aurobindo used to remove (with Chinese chopsticks) the bones from the fish that Mother fed the cats.

After coming to Meditation House, Sri Aurobindo used to arrange one vase of roses every day and keep it on a small table in Mother’s dressing room. We still have that vase.

At nightfall, he would take all the flower vases from the rooms and leave them on a table – it was a folding table that Mother had ordered from France – in the passage one enters on opening the staircase door. At present in the place of that table there is a small cupboard near the door.

Mother did not like flowers to remain in the rooms at night, especially the red karan flower which she has named “Surrender of all Falsehood” [double pink Nerium Oleander]. Later I heard that even from the point of view of health it is not good to have flowers in one’s room at night.

“She has Her Reasons”

I once told Sri Aurobindo that I could not understand how Mother could give different explanations to different people, different answers to different persons, for the same question.

Sri Aurobindo answered: “She has her reasons for doing this.”

At that time I only understood the word-meaning of Sri Aurobindo’s reply. I had faith, but did not grasp the real meaning behind. Now, by their boundless Grace all this is becoming clear.

Why so Many Clips?

It was long ago. I used to wash Sri Aurobindo’s dhoti every day and dry it myself. Once it so happened that I needed clips to hold the dhoti on the clothes-line. I asked for some from Prosperity. Purushottam was then in charge of Prosperity. Every evening he would present all requisition chits from sadhaks to Mother for her sanction, in the Prosperity room (in Library House) just before we all gathered there for ‘games’³⁸.

That day Purushottam had presented my chit to Mother. When I went in, Mother asked, “Why do you want so many clips?”

I said: “You can come and see the size of my cloth!” I spoke with a touch of vehemence. She kept quiet; she did not say anything.

The next day she started telling me, very sweetly: “Champaklal, you know, people were saying, how can Champaklal talk to Mother like that?”

I did not at all realise what was wrong and exclaimed: “What is there?” Again she fell silent and did not say anything more.

It was much later that I realised that something was wrong in my way of speaking, in my expression.

Childlike Simplicity

It was when Mother was ill. Sri Aurobindo used to attend on her in the afternoon. When he was in Mother’s Salon (as she called her new room), I would wait in the small passage outside³⁹.

It was a Sunday, and raining heavily. Sri Aurobindo came out of Mother’s room and said to me, “Mother is asking if you know how to close the window?”

(The windows had a new kind of fitting.) Luckily, I had a good look at the window-mechanism the previous day and I could say: “Yes, I know.”

Sri Aurobindo went in and told her: “Yes, Champaklal knows.”

Then he came out, smiled and said: “Mother says you had better close the window if you know how to do it!”

*

At that time there was no frigidaire with us. Mother had got a small wooden box made for me. A tumblerful of water was kept in a vessel which was put in this box and ice was placed in the vessel. Rajangam used to fetch the ice from the factory.

When Mother was ill I used to cool water in this way, pour it into a thermos flask and keep it ready for Sri Aurobindo to take it to Mother when he came to see her.

One day we had a new flask with a different kind of porcelain cup at the top. Sri Aurobindo took in the flask as usual, but came out almost immediately and asked: “How to open this?”

I showed him how to do it. The cup came out easily. He seemed surprised at this and went back with the flask, happy.

* This was in the days Sri Aurobindo had his dinner around midnight.

After finishing the correspondence work in the salon Sri Aurobindo would go for his bath and Mother would retire after laying out his dinner on a table in her former room (the easternmost room of Meditation House; later Sri Aurobindo’s bathroom and after his passing my room). After his bath he came there for his dinner. While Sri Aurobindo ate I sat in the ‘long passage’.

One day he came out in the middle of his meal and said: “Champaklal, come in.” I was wondering why he called me but followed him. Once inside, he said: “You know, this fan was steady; now it is rotating.” I did not know how to make it steady as I had not touched it before, nor had I ever used an electric fan. However, I observed it carefully and saw a button jutting out. Spontaneously my hand went there and I pressed the button and the fan stopped rotating.

Sri Aurobindo: “Oh, as simple as that!”

I was truly touched by his childlike simplicity.

Two Aspects of the Mother

During Mother’s lifetime, work and those who did the work kept changing. Bansidhar, my brother (who first came here in November 1927) was fortunate to get the work of sweeping and cleaning Mother’s room in Meditation House, or rather she made him fortunate. When I remembered that he had once witnessed two aspects of the Mother, that of Mahakali and that of the compassionate, merciful Mahalakshmi, I asked him to write down his experience. Here it is in his words:

When I (Bansidhar) was cleaning Mother’s room in Meditation House, I would first sweep and then do the wiping work. Once I saw some things kept on a trunk. Beside it lay a piece of cellophane paper which Mother must have removed from a biscuit wrapper. “She has many better papers,” I thought, “there is no need to leave this torn piece here; she must have been in a hurry and left it here.” So I threw it in the waste-paper basket.

In the mornings around eight, Mother used to meet people in the Darshan room which was also Mother’s interview room. During that time I was to clean her room. Hardly ten-fifteen minutes must have passed after I had thrown away the paper, when Mother came from the interview room and asked me:

“There was a piece of paper here, where is it?”

Bansidhar: “I threw it into the waste-paper basket.”

Mother: “If it was to be thrown away, I know how to throw it.” She used more or less these words, but when she spoke her tone and face were like Mahakali’s. I froze in terror. Immediately I decided that henceforth whatever it be, I must never throw away anything. I had received my lesson.

Now I relate the other incident. My work was to clean Mother’s room and Datta’s work was to clean Mother’s bathroom. One day, for some reason, Datta did not come and Mother asked me to clean the bathroom. I was thrilled to have this opportunity to serve her. Who would not be? I was extremely happy and decided to clean it perfectly. There are always many things in a bathroom. I picked up a cardboard box containing a bottle of perfume to wipe it. But while the box stayed in my grip, the bottle fell to the ground and broke, the perfume spilt all over and its scent filled the bathroom. The scent brought the Mother to the bathroom from the interview room. I thought my end was imminent; I did not utter a word.

She looked at me for some time, then said: “Do not be afraid. It does not matter. Such things happen.”

I think these were her words. But what did I expect to hear and what was I hearing! Where was that Mahakali, who had appeared when I threw away just a piece of torn paper, and why this Mahalakshmi, when I broke an expensive bottle of perfume! My head bows down in gratitude.

Not only this. The next day, Mother sent a message through Champakbhai: “Tell Bansidhar not to worry, and not to go and buy another bottle from the market.”

When I threw away that piece of paper I was a new entrant in the Ashram. So it was only to teach me the important lesson not to throw away anything without reason that I was shown the Mahakali aspect. Since then I think well before throwing away anything and at the same time recall with happiness that vision of Mahakali.

Taking Care of Money

From the beginning Mother used to count the money offered by visitors and devotees coming from outside. She would carefully separate the notes according to their denominations, place them head up so that the figure could be easily read, bundle them neatly etc. If anyone had put together notes topsy-turvy and somehow packeted them, she would immediately exclaim: “Such clumsy ways people have!”

She said that she herself was doing this work because only in this way did money tend to flow in more and more.

Tender Care

In those days Mother used to give interviews in the mornings in the Darshan room. Sri Aurobindo would be alone in his room but the doors would be closed. After the interviews were over, Mother went to his room and opened the doors. Only then would Sri Aurobindo come out.

Except on Darshan days, the sofa on which the Darshan photo is now kept was placed in the northeast corner of the room. Mother sat on it during these interviews. After everyone had finished, it was my turn. Mother had asked me to come last, on purpose.

She knew that throughout the day I was occupied with some work or the other and had hardly a few hours of sleep at night. So she told me to come to that room at this time and rest in her presence. When I went to her, she would ask me to lay my head in her lap and rest. And the wonder of it was that almost immediately I would fall asleep. Gently she would lift my head and place it on the Darshan couch on which she had been sitting. At times I would be aware, at times not. After that she would go to Sri Aurobindo’s room, open the doors and return, stop where I was sleeping, caress me tenderly, and then go to her room.

In course of time, like all her programmes this too changed.

Her Grace

The Mother asked me to lie down near Sri Aurobindo’s chair in the ‘long passage’ while she was taking her lunch in her room. (Sri Aurobindo’s chair is still in the same place. Mother called the room outside Sri Aurobindo’s room the ‘long passage’; sometimes Sri Aurobindo also walked there – lucky passage!)

After Mother finished her lunch, she would come out and pass her apron three or four times over me as I lay on the floor, from one end of my body to the other. And when she would finally spread the apron over me, I would get up and she would give a big smile. Thereafter I would go into her room and take her spoons and forks to my room in Library House to wash.

Even as early as the year 1923, she used to tell me: “Your time will come and you will get everything. You will be fully conscious.” I still hear these words.

I now understand that what I took to be a ‘game of the apron’ was a ceremony of mantric passes; it was not merely a game to please me. It was her supreme Grace.

And now every prediction that she made regarding me I experience one by one. What boundless Grace!

Tea in the Ashram

Mother said to me once that she did not like people in the Ashram taking tea. Then she added: “I don’t like it. But I cannot forbid them because Sri Aurobindo himself takes tea.”

Speaking of Sri Aurobindo’s tea, which he stopped after his accident in 1938, let me tell you he was never particular about it. Look at this small note in my files:

Mother,

This night Sri Aurobindo has not taken his tea. Is there anything wrong in the milk or in the tea? Anything wrong in the person concerned? Or in me?

31.10.1932

Your child, Champak

No, I must have forgotten about it.

Sri Aurobindo

So you see, this was his attitude to tea as indeed to many other things. I remember Mother tried once to stop the distribution of tea in the Ashram; but that could only be for a short period. It had to be resumed and it continues. At first it used to be distributed by me through Kamala, then through Rajangam. Thereafter it is being done by Ravindra.

My Nature

On 7 February 1933 my mother, Umiyaben, came here for a visit. After some days she told me, “Now I want to go back.” All I asked was, “Do you really want to go?” And she replied, “Yes. I must go because your father is there. Should I not go?” When she thus spoke of her duty, what could I do? I did not argue and kept quiet. Since going back was a matter of duty for her, naturally there was nothing for me to say. Finally she left on 2 April.

Some days after she had reached home, my elder brother wrote to me. In substance what he wrote was this: “Our mother really liked to be in Pondicherry. While here, because of arthritis, she can hardly walk and there in Pondicherry, she says, she could even run! She was also very happy with the Mother. But then you did not persuade her to stay on, so she came back. She says, ‘Actually I wanted to stay longer, but Champak never asked me.’ ”

This surprised me greatly. When she talked of her duty to leave and go back to her place, should I have insisted on her staying back?

Horoscope Excellent

14.3.1933

Mother told me: “Champaklal, your horoscope is very, very good. It is one of the best.”

Pointing at Pavitra who was present, she said: “Ask him. I am not telling a lie; ask, ask.” But I did not. It was Pavitra who had seen my horoscope. He had a good knowledge of astrology.

Then Mother looked quietly at me and said: “Excellent, Champaklal, it is excellent.”

Sri Aurobindo’s Draft of a Reply

When I had to reply to letters conveying the Mother’s answers to requests seeking permission to come to the Ashram for Darshan or for some other work, Sri Aurobindo would write out the full text of the answer. I would copy it out and, as per his instructions, send it in my name. Here is a specimen of one such answer:

“I showed your letter to Mother and she asks me to write to you on her behalf that you must not on any account come back until she gives you permission. You write as if you expected to come back after a few days, but that cannot be. You must wait quietly till it is psychically right and possible for you to return. When that will be, Mother will know and decide.”

Writing Savitri

After dinner, Sri Aurobindo used to sit in his chair in the ‘long passage’ outside his room (this chair is now kept along the wall) and write Savitri generally up to midnight. He would place the pad on the armrest of the chair. After writing down the lines he would read them to himself. I would sit in the meditation hall and listen to his reading; it was so beautiful. I had not, of course, asked him whether I could sit there. One day, however, he saw me there. For a moment he looked surprised but immediately afterwards he smiled and proceeded with his work.

Touching Sight

It was during the period when Sri Aurobindo was attending to correspondence with the sadhaks. Nolini used to receive letters for Sri Aurobindo and the Mother from the inmates, arrange them on a tray which he then brought up and left in a fixed place at the top of the staircase to the first floor. (It was also his work to distribute Sri Aurobindo’s replies to the sadhaks.) In those days the door was always kept locked. The Mother had given me a key so that I could open the door in the evening and go in for my work. I would take the tray inside, Mother would receive it from me and take it to the salon where she and Sri Aurobindo would discuss the letters and reply to them.

The Mother used this fortunate salon until her second-floor apartment was built in 1953. Here her bed used to be in the southeast corner near a big almirah. In the southwest corner, near the window, Sri Aurobindo would sit in a chair covered with a deer-skin and Mother on a small couch for this correspondence work; sometimes he would read out to her his replies. The chair and the couch are still kept in the same place. This work grew so much in the first five years of the 1930s that Sri Aurobindo often had to spend the whole night in replying. After his accident in 1938, correspondence had to be restricted to a handful of sadhaks. Those fortunate enough to be near Dyuman’s room at that time must have heard Sri Aurobindo’s melodious voice.

While they replied to the letters, I waited outside in the vestibule (where now-adays a life-size photo of the Mother is kept on Darshan days) with a flask of soup and a cup and saucer placed on a tray on a small cupboard. (I used to prepare the soup in the way Mother had taught me and bring it when I came in the evening.)

After their work was over, Sri Aurobindo would come to where I was standing and wait till I poured the soup in the cup and put the cup on the saucer. Holding the saucer in both hands, he then carried it slowly and carefully inside to the Mother. It was a magnificent sight to see him doing this.

Now, before Sri Aurobindo came and took the cup, the Mother would always come out to where I waited and ask me if any more letters had been sent up. Sometimes there would be a few. After she went back, Sri Aurobindo would come for the soup. I used to wonder why he had to come for the soup when Mother herself could have taken it when she came out. It was only much later that I realised the deeper significance of these actions.

Incidentally, something similar used to take place when they were in Library House. In the beginning I used to join the other inmates in the evening talks with Sri Aurobindo in the verandah outside the Prosperity hall (where Prosperity is distributed). But later when I started working with the Mother, I stopped attending the talks as that was the hour for my work. When my work was over I would step out of Mother’s room and wait near the bathroom. After the talks were over Sri Aurobindo would come to where I was standing and call me in and I would follow him inside. Inside the room he would stand beside Mother while she sat on the bed and received my pranams.

Why did he himself have to walk up to where I was standing to call me in? Here too the answer dawned on me gradually.

Mother’s Foot on my Head

2.2.1934

I had written to Mother that on the day before my birthday I would leave colours and paper beside her couch and prayed that she draw something for me in the time she set aside for meditation with me. In those days Mother used to give time to sadhaks to meditate with her on their birthdays.

Today, when I went to her, she said that she would make a sketch of her foot placed on my head. I bowed my head and she placed her foot on it. Then she made a sketch and gave it to me.

Later, when the lines faded I showed it to her. Mother placed her foot again on my head and drew it again. Then she wrote, “Blessings” and signed it⁴⁰.

Many years later, when Huta asked Mother for a picture of her feet, Mother was not in a condition to draw it. But as she rarely refused any request of Huta’s, she was wondering what to do. I told her that she could get the sketch she had given me photographed, leaving my name out and give it to Huta. Mother was very happy with my suggestion. She got a photograph made through Bansidhar, wrote Huta’s name and “Blessings” on it and gave it to Huta.

Flowers and their Significances

In those days, Mother opened the door to Sri Aurobindo’s and her rooms early in the mornings. It was locked in the afternoons so she had given me a duplicate key to open it when I came in the evening. A tray with handles had been specially made by Chandulal. In it Nolini kept the letters for Sri Aurobindo and Mother that were given to him by inmates. When I went in, I took the tray which Nolini had left by then at the top of the staircase. Inside, Mother would receive the tray from me and take it to the salon where Sri Aurobindo was ready for correspondence work.

One day I got the idea of drawing flowers. I painted the flower Champa and placed the drawing along with the other letters in the tray, without saying anything to Mother. Imagine my surprise when she came out a little later, smiling, a paper in her hand and said: “Champaklal, here is something for you.”

It was unexpected, though indeed I had wanted it very much. The paper she gave me was my drawing of the flower. Underneath she had written the significance of that flower, Psychological perfection.

After that, I went on drawing one flower every day. At times I had to skip my noon meal (in fact my only full meal) in order to be able to complete the drawing. But it was more interesting to me to receive her Grace that way than to eat. Every day I carried a drawing and received it back with its significance in her own handwriting. Those days are etched in my memory. I remember with thrill and gratitude how much interest she took in my drawings. They are now in four bound books and are consulted often.

Here I must record the help given by Ambu⁴¹. Every day he used to select a beautiful flower and bring it to me. And in those days it was not as easy to get them as it is today; one had to go very far in search of the uncommon varieties.

Mother’s Sketches

Mother used to call certain people to the Interview Room to do their sketches. Generally it was in the mornings.

Usually she was indifferent about her own paintings, though she did like some of them very much. Whenever somebody asked to see them, she would avoid it by giving some excuse such as “They are not worth seeing.” At times, when she could not say “No”, she showed them. To some she would readily show; that was rare. But occasionally she herself would show them. She had a special liking for a portrait of a young Japanese42 that she had done in oil paints. Whenever the subject of painting was discussed she would mention it and praise it very highly – as if it had been done by somebody else. Her expression, when she was speaking of this portrait, was so happy, indescribable.

One day Mother arranged these sketches in Pavitra’s room for showing to Ashram artists, most of whom she had called. The next day I mentioned to Mother that Kamala was sad and unhappy.

Mother: “Why?”

C: “You did not call her to see your paintings.”

Mother: “All right. I will make her very happy. You see, Champaklal,” she added with a smiling, happy expression, “there is a sketch of Sri Aurobindo which I have done but not shown to anybody. I will show her that; tell her.”

C: “Then what has happened is very good, Mother.”

Later, after Mother had shown the portrait to Kamala, I told Mother:

“It is not out of pride that Kamala did not want to ask; she was sad because she could not help it. She wishes that everything comes spontaneously from you, not that you are obliged to do it. She knows that she is not an artist. She is only a student. But generally you call her on such occasions and so she had expected to be called.”

Mother: “Now you see what she got!”

Bearded Man and Uncle’s Consternation

I came to know from Chandulal that his sister’s son had come and was due to go back that same night. I asked him whether the boy had seen Mother.

Chandulal: “No.”

C: “Why not? Is he going without seeing Mother?”

Chandulal: “He has no permission to see Mother.”

C: “Why?”

Chandulal: “Mother says it is not necessary. ‘He only came to see you, and that he has done.’ So it is not necessary for him to see her.”

Obviously, he had not pressed the matter. A thought crossed my mind that if any of my people came, I would ask for permission once, but if Mother said No, I would not ask again. For others, however, I would ask again. But later I realised that it was not right to ask again for permission.

Then, I went to Mother and asked:

“Mother, Chandulal’s nephew has come.”

Mother: “Yes.” She was a bit serious.

C: “Mother, is there any occult reason for your not seeing him? I learnt that he has no permission to see Mother.”

Mother smiled, but it was not the usual smile. It was a meaningful smile though I could not understand it at that time. As you know, every expression, every gesture, every act of hers is meaningful often beyond human understanding.

Mother: “If he stays I will see him.” Mother knew very well that he was going that night.

C: “If you agree to see him, he will surely stay.”

Immediately I sent word to Subhadra, Chandulal’s wife, as she was taking a keen interest in the boy. She was overjoyed and at once ran and called her nephew. And I told him.

In the evening, the boy waited at the gate from where Chandulal was to take him to the railway station. As soon as Chandulal came he told him:

Boy: “Uncle, I am not going.”

Chandulal: “Why?”

Boy: “I am going to have Mother’s darshan.”

Chandulal: “But I told you Mother will not see you.”

Boy: “Uncle, I have been told that the Mother will definitely see me.”

Chandulal: “Somebody seems to have played a joke on you. I am telling you, the Mother will not see you.”

Boy: “A bearded man called me and informed me that Mother will see me.”

Chandulal was surprised. He came to me and asked if it was true that Mother was going to see the boy. I said, “Yes.”

Of old Newspapers

When Mother lived in Library House she used to take much interest in the French newspaper Matin which she received regularly for many years. After she moved to Meditation House, all the old issues were left in Library House in my charge for safe custody.

One day, Mother gave me a chit in which Chandulal had asked for the old numbers of Matin from Champaklal. Mother had replied on that note: “Champaklal can give only up to 1931 (included). 1932-33 are reserved and must not be given.”

You can see how particular she was even in disposing of old newspapers.

Careful

You know those small chit pads from France with perforated sheets. Once Mother wanted a sheet, and she tore out one from the pad, but it was not properly torn. Amrita tried, again not properly.

Mother: “Oh Amrita, you also have done the same thing!”

A: “It was caught by a wire, so I could not do it properly.” Then I took the pad, tore a sheet and gave it to the Mother.

Mother: “Champaklal is careful.”

She wrote something on that chit, looked round and said: “This paper is to be kept by one who can remember and who can keep it carefully.”

Then, turning to me, she said: “Champaklal, you keep this.”

Dyuman’s Birthday

19.6.1935

In those days Mother gave darshan from the small terrace (the one above Madhav’s office) to inmates collected in the courtyard below. That terrace used to be swept by Pujalal. And it was Dyuman’s work to sweep the terrace outside Mother’s salon – the one above his own room. Dyuman and Pujalal would go up by a ladder from the southern side of Madhav’s office.

The door from the salon to Dyuman’s terrace was normally kept closed because just beside it Sri Aurobindo would sometimes sit and attend to correspondence. The Mother’s couch was next to the western wall. At times Sri Aurobindo and the Mother would go on working till early in the morning. And whenever Mother wanted to speak to Dyuman while he was sweeping, she would open the door just a little, peep out and speak to him.

Mother told Dyuman that today Sri Aurobindo had answered 72 letters – a most remarkable thing!

She also told him: “Today is Wednesday, there is special cooking in the kitchen. And it is your birthday. So you will tell Tara to make some special dishes.” And so eleven dishes in all were cooked.

Sri Aurobindo’s Accident

24.11.1938

The room to the east of Sri Aurobindo’s room was once Mother’s room. There they used to have their meals, and in the afternoons Sri Aurobindo rested there. The door leading from his room to this corner room used to be kept open most of the time. (In 1946, when Sri Aurobindo’s room was renovated, this door was taken off; since then a curtain is hung in its place.)

On the threshold of this door, inside Sri Aurobindo’s room, a leopard-skin rug was spread on the floor. (The rug is now kept with other rugs of leopard and tiger skins, with heads, in the ‘long passage’. They were offered by a businessman.)

In the salon, often till late in the night, Mother and Sri Aurobindo replied to letters from sadhaks. Then Mother retired and Sri Aurobindo went for his bath. Before retiring Mother would keep his dinner ready in that corner room. At the same time I would bring tea, milk and soup from my room and keep them also there for Sri Aurobindo’s dinner. After his bath Sri Aurobindo went there for his dinner. While he ate, I cleaned and wiped the bathroom; and after he finished I carried the dishes to my room in Library House for cleaning.

The accident to his leg took place immediately after I had gone to my room. The Mother had retired to her salon and Sri Aurobindo was alone. While going back to his room he slipped on the leopard skin on the threshold and his right knee hit the leopard’s head⁴³.

This is how Sri Aurobindo explained it: “The hostile forces had tried many times to prevent things like the Darshan but I had succeeded in warding off all their attacks. At the time the accident to my leg occurred, I was more occupied with guarding the Mother and I forgot about myself. I didn’t think the hostiles would attack me. That was my mistake⁴⁴.”

Only those who have some occult knowledge will be able to understand the deeper meaning of this accident; and those having faith in Sri Aurobindo will accept his explanation without any hesitation or doubt.

Mother’s Faith in Champaklal

When the new bathroom for Sri Aurobindo was made⁴⁵, there was a proposal to install an electric geyser there for making hot water. Mother was told that if the button was switched on without checking if the tap on the pipe taking water to the geyser was open, the result could be disastrous. The Mother immediately gave instructions that none of the attendants should touch the switch except Champaklal. However, later this plan was dropped and another arrangement made.

Two Lotuses

I wanted to offer something to the Mother. And I got the idea of painting two lotuses, one white and the other red.

Curiously, I received two beautiful lotuses and took up the painting. But due to other work I could not finish them in a day. These too, like my other paintings, I did during my lunch time as it gave me great joy. It took some days before I could finish them little by little. Naturally it would have been better if the colouring could have been done in one sitting. However the result was not bad and it was with great joy that I took the paintings to Mother on my birthday on 2 February 1940.

She received them very well indeed and exclaimed: “Oh! Very pretty! Very pretty!” She wondered how I could get time to do them. She took them in both hands and with a broad smile said: “I give them to you, Champaklal! Take them, they are for you. They are very pretty. You keep them.”

I did not answer and did not take them. And she repeated:

“Take them, Champaklal, I give them to you as my present.”

C: “But Mother! I have done them for you.”

Seeing the state of my mind she found a way out. She gave another broad smile and said softly, almost in a whisper:

“Champaklal, I will take them to Sri Aurobindo and I will ask him to write on them.”

I said: “Mother! Are you taking them to Sri Aurobindo? If so, it would be very nice if you ask him to write the significance. Mother! Sri Aurobindo will write on the white lotus and you will write on the red one.”

When Mother brought them to Sri Aurobindo I was there. She showed them to him and said:

“See, how nice they are! Today is Champaklal’s birthday; he has done these paintings for me. If you write the significance on them I will give them to him. He wants you to write on the white lotus and I on the red.”

With a beautiful affectionate smile Sri Aurobindo said: “Umm.” Then he wrote above the white lotus:

Aditi

The Divine Mother

And under the red lotus he wrote:

To Champaklal

With blessings

2.2.40

Sri Aurobindo

After writing, he looked at me and gave a sweet smile. Then above the red lotus Mother wrote:

The Avatar

Sri Aurobindo

And under the white lotus she wrote:

To Champaklal

With blessings to my dear child

2.2.40

Mother

Then Mother told me not to show the lotuses to anybody.

But you know that after many years blocks were made out of these paintings and printed for distribution. Do not ask me why I was told not to show them to anybody at one time as later things were changed. Obviously circumstances changed and the Mother never stood rigidly by what she said on an earlier occasion under different conditions. There are so many instances of this kind.

28 Kishensingh Chavda stayed in the Ashram for six months in 1927.

29 Dyuman (the Luminous One), name given by Sri Aurobindo to Chunilal Patel (1903-92) who settled here in 1925. The Mother gave him charge of the Dining Room, and in 1955, when she created the Sri Aurobindo Ashram Trust, she made him one of the Trustees.

30 Dikshitbhai came in November 1920 and I in April 1921. [Champaklal’s note

31 At that time the garden belonged to someone else, but later Mother purchased the property and put Louis Allen, manager of our Lake Estate, in charge. Now our school children go and work there twice a week. I find this development very interesting. [Champaklal’s note

32 Library House (9, Rue de la Marine), into which Sri Aurobindo and the Mother moved from Guest House in October 1922, was rented some months earlier and purchased on 6.4.1929 for Rs. 21 000. Meditation House (28, Rue François Martin), into which Sri Aurobindo and the Mother moved on 8 February 1927, was rented from 1.1.1927, and purchased on 13.7.1927 for Rs. 14 000. Secretariat House (8, Rue Saint Gilles) was rented in May 1926 and purchased on 23.3.1929 for Rs. 3000. Rosary House (10, Rue de la Marine) was purchased on 16 December 1937 for Rs. 15 000.

33 See the ‘soup ceremony’ described by Mrityunjoy and Sahana Devi in their articles in Breath of Grace, 1972, pp. 57-61,112-13, 120, and by K.D. Sethna in his Light and Laughter, pp. 63ff.

34 Whenever Mother was to conduct an occult session, the food meant for Purushottam would be brought up and kept before her. She would concentrate on the dish for a long time and send it back for him to eat. One day, I don’t remember the exact date, Purushottam announced in front of everyone, “From today Sri Aurobindo will retire. He will take a saffron bath made with Parijat flowers.” Then Mother gave instructions to collect a large quantity of “Aspiration” flowers (the significance she gave to Parijat flowers) and boil them in water. Sri Aurobindo took a bath with this water. [Champaklal’s note

35 Name given by Sri Aurobindo to Madame Gaebele, a French disciple.

36 The hall on the first floor of Meditation House, with the Darshan room to its east. Its tall shuttered windows overlook the courtyard.

37 Bushy also attended the soup ceremony and meditations. She would carry her new-born kittens to Mother and the Master and lay them at their feet. Sri Aurobindo’s poem “Despair on the Staircase” refers to her. – See Pujalal’s “A Few Reminiscences” in Breath of Grace, pp. 80-82.

38 Some details of these games are given in “Spiritual Games”, Part II of this book.

39 The Mother’s salon (above the present Bulletin office) was constructed when the building, Secretariat House, underwent thorough repairs, probably in 1930-31. The passage where Champaklal waited is the vestibule one steps into from the staircase in Meditation House.

40 This sketch was primed on the cover of Champaklal’s Prarthana ane Udgaro (Prayers and Sayings), 1986.

41 Ambalal Patel settled here in May 1928 at the age of 17. His main work was cleaning kitchen vessels but he also helped in the Granary and in nursing invalids. However, he is best remembered as the master-instructor of asanas in the Ashram.

42 Poet and artist Hirasawa Tetsuo whom Mother knew in Japan. Hirasawa visited the Ashram in 1924.

43 The X-ray pictures revealed “an impacted fracture of the right femur above the knee, two fragments firmly locked together. Both the specialist and the radiologist took a serious view of it, and remarked that if the fragments had projected backwards, the main blood vessels and nerves running behind the bone would have ruptured and caused a big disaster!” – Nirodbaran, Twelve Years with Sri Aurobindo, 1988, p. 9.

44 Quoted in Nirodbaran, Sri Aurobindo for All Ages, 1990, pp. 212-13.

45 After the accident, Sri Aurobindo’s attendants used to give him a sponge bath every day in his room. Some years later the room to the east of Sri Aurobindo’s room was converted into a bathroom for him. See Nirodbaran, Twelve Years with Sri Aurobindo, 1988, p. 26.