Mona Lisa

6.2.1940

In order to save her time, Mother allowed me to show her paintings etc. while she was arranging flowers. Today when she was arranging flowers I asked:

“Can I show the plates now?”

Mother smiled and said: “Yes, yes.”

After seeing the painting of Mona Lisa Mother said: “That is the best.”

C: “Is that so?”

Mother: “I think so. We shall see. Sri Aurobindo was the artist.”

C: “Leonardo da Vinci?”

Mother smiled sweetly and said: “Yes.”

I pointed to the picture and asked: “Mother, it seems this is you?

Mother: “Yes. Don’t you see the resemblance?” She put her finger on the lips of Mona Lisa (in the plate); she also pointed to the lower portion of the face.

“I Am Very Pleased”

1.6.1940

Mother: I am very pleased with your work.

I like your faithfulness,

I like your sincerity,

I like your steadiness,

I like your regularity,

I like your courage.

Champaklal Hiding

After Sri Aurobindo’s accident my work changed. But my going down with Mother when she went downstairs to give Pranam was retained. Both Kamala and I used to accompany her. I would be in Sri Aurobindo’s room. At the time of going down either Mother or Kamala used to call me.

There are two doors between Sri Aurobindo’s room and the ‘long passage’ (when visiting his room, we enter by one and come out by the other). Once it so happened that when Mother came to call me, she stood near one of them and asked Kamala: “Has Champaklal gone?” Coming out by the other door, I stood behind her and replied: “Mother, I am here.”

Mother turned round at once and said to Kamala: “See how he is hiding behind me!” Then she looked at me and smiled. And what a smile!

In itself the incident may seem small, but the way she used to act and speak made such occasions memorable. Only those who have experienced them can understand what I mean here. You [Madhav] will understand, for you also have had such experiences.

Promode Kumar’s Paintings

Sri Aurobindo: “His paintings are very living and very expressive. He is certainly an artist…. The artistic part is all right but there is nothing vast in the idea. Everything is all right except the figures. The faces are not satisfying. There is calm, trance or sweetness in them but no deeper conception. He is an artist but as I said his figures… but I have not fixed my opinion yet.”

Sri Aurobindo’s comments on the paintings:

Yamuna: The river is good but the figure is self-satisfied.

Krishna and Vidur: Vidur is good.

Kailas: Quite good.

Shiva with Cobra: Good.

Shiva profile. More original; there is some expression.

Durga and Fire. Good. The face is not that of Fire. They seem to have benevolent, goody-goody faces.

Cloud: Good.

Mountain: Good.

Manasarovar: Good.

Sri Aurobindo on Paintings

10.1.1941

Purani was showing some Ajanta paintings. Looking at a palace scene of the king conferring with his wife (Mahajanaka Jataka, Part I, plate XVII), Sri Aurobindo remarked: “Oh, very fine paintings.”

He was also shown a volume of paintings by Van Gogh. Seeing Van Gogh’s self-portrait, he remarked: “Very fine, excellent, wonderful. Powerful man.”

Then he saw the other reproductions in the volume and said: “The others are fine but his self-portrait is the best.”

On seeing a portrait, he said: “The expression here is somewhat like that of a ruffian.”

About a landscape he observed: “It is black and white; one can’t appreciate it fully without colours. Of course it is impressive.”

He then saw other portraits and said: “The expressions are wonderful; very remarkable. His portraits are wonderful.”

11.1.1941

Purani showed some Ajanta plates. After seeing Plate XXIII (with the queen figure enlarged), Sri Aurobindo remarked: “Fine detailed work; remarkable. It is a pity that this thing is spoiled.”

Looking at the design of the ceiling, he said: “Very fine, very fine, very fine.”

Sri Krishna

Once Nirod asked Sri Aurobindo regarding a photograph of an image of Sri Krishna:

Nirod: “I hear you have said about this image that it is very living. What is meant by living?”

Sri Aurobindo (laughing): “Living means living. There is some force in it.”

C: “Is it a conscious force?”

Sri Aurobindo: “Yes, but the consciousness is not in the image but around it.”

C: “Would it mean that Sri Krishna has this form?”

Sri Aurobindo: “Sri Krishna is not a human being. It is a form that a sculptor has seen. I am speaking of the photograph of the image, not of the image which I have not seen.”

No Right to be Sick

6.9.1941

When I informed Mother that Bansidhar was sick, she said: “Here, certainly, people have no right to be sick!”

Death

6.12.1941

Sri Aurobindo: “All depends on the consciousness in which one dies.”

“Champaklal is in my Month!”

Nolini came and informed Mother of the coming birthdays of certain disciples whom she generally saw.

Mother: “But Champaklal is in my month!”

Recently someone studied old calendars and he claims that the Mother was born on vasant panchami⁴⁶. I too was born on vasant panchami. Is it not interesting?

So, had I known it that day, I could have said, “Mother, not only the same month, but also the same day.”

Haunted Places and Fear

29.2.1944

S spoke to Mother about a haunted house.

Mother said: “You won’t find a place in the whole world where somebody has not died. That is impossible. But there is nothing to fear. There are so many things around us which we do not see; only those who are sensitive are able to feel and also see them. Fear only brings evil upon men. It is not that everyone has the power to do harm to others. That lady died there. So a few small vibrations may have been left there. But they cannot harm anybody. When a person has a strong attachment for his house or for something else, then such things happen; but there is nothing to be afraid of. In most cases it is fear that brings evil or harm.”

Nishikanta’s Paintings

29.2.1944

Nishikanta had sent some paintings of his to Mother for showing to Sri Aurobindo. He wanted Mother to choose some from them and show only those to Sri Aurobindo. Mother remarked that Nishikanta himself ought to have made the selection. All the same she chose three of them saying that they were pretty and went on looking for some time at one of them with a happy expression.

She told Sri Aurobindo: “Here he has succeeded in suggesting the fluidity of water. That is why I like them. Very few artists are able to bring out this liquid effect.”

Sri Aurobindo smiled and said: “Ah!… ah!”

Vegetables

14.4.1944

The Mother came to Sri Aurobindo’s room with eye-cups for washing his eyes. She told him: “I went downstairs to see the vegetables. I had asked Dyuman to bring the vegetables that would be used this evening and tomorrow morning⁴⁷. I wanted to see for myself what quantity is being used for the whole day so that I can have a real idea of it after seeing.”

Then Mother looked at me and said: “Go and see; you also will get an idea.” I went down and found several big baskets of nice shining brinjals. I found them very interesting and picked up one of the baskets and carried it upstairs to Sri Aurobindo, not only so that he also got a real idea of the quantity of vegetables are used in the Ashram but also to give a chance to the person who had grown them, as well as to the vegetables themselves to have Sri Aurobindo’s darshan!

Sri Aurobindo was busy washing his eyes and had one eye over an eye-cup, but even so he looked at the basket with the other eye. I had thought of speaking to him later but as he went on looking I said:

“There are four large baskets like this of brinjal and six of cucumber.”

And he laughed.

Mother: “You see, those who are grumbling that there are not enough vegetables will always grumble, for it is their nature.”

Solicitude for Devotees

20.4.1944

News came of a big explosion and havoc in Bombay.

Mother informed Sri Aurobindo about it and said: “There is no news from Gunvant and it seems his building is in the same locality where the disaster has taken place. Manibhai’s news has come; Raojibhai’s also has come. I am thinking of wiring for Gunvant’s news.”

Injection

24.5.1944

Sri Aurobindo said about taking injections:

yathā buddhistathā gatiḥ

yathā injection tathā gatiḥ.

(As is the mind so is the course, as is the injection so is the course.)

Ahimsa

25.5.1944

Dr. Manilal: “Sir, what is the true definition of Ahimsa?”

Sri Aurobindo: “No objection to killing when it is necessary. A perfect ahimsa nobody could follow; it is impossible.”

Realistic and Idealistic

Dr. Manilal told Sri Aurobindo: “Only today I learnt that Mridu’s full name is Mridubhashini.”

Sri Aurobindo: “Oh!”

M: “And another is her pet name Khendurani.”

Sri Aurobindo: “One realistic, the other idealistic!⁴⁸”

Not for Siddhi but for Sadhana

30.5.1944

Dr. Manilal: “Sir, how long will the inconscient continue?”

Sri Aurobindo: “You have already asked this question. It is like the second front⁴⁹.”

M: “Sir, when will the first transformed man appear? I am not asking of the last man.”

Sri Aurobindo: “Who is the first?”

M: “I do not know Sir, you must be knowing!”

Sri Aurobindo: “I do not try to know. I was not born for sadhana-siddhi. I was born only for doing sadhana. So I must remain ignorant of what you ask. Perhaps an unexpected person may come first!”

Divine Observation and Human Boasting

9.6.1944

Just after returning from the Balcony⁵⁰ at 7.15. a.m. (the time was changing from day to day) Mother met Dyuman and Pujalal. They were among those whom she used to give flowers at that time⁵¹. After giving the flowers she asked them to show her their palms. On seeing them she remarked that they were yellow. Then she asked me to show my palms. When I did, she told Dyuman and Pujalal: “See, his palms are pink. In your case your livers are not working properly.” And to me she said: “Your liver is all right⁵².”

C: “Mother, I never have any trouble.”

Mother: “Don’t boast.”

C: “No, no, Mother, I do not boast.”

Mother: “Then it is all right. You see, there are some mischievous forces always on the lookout. The moment they get the slightest opening they come out at once and show themselves.”

C: “Mother, man always likes to boast; does he not?”

Mother smiled and said: “Yes, yes.”

Revising Savitri

9.6.1944

When Sri Aurobindo needed to revise lines of Savitri he used to write on small chit pads. He would collect a few sheets, and pin them on the original manuscript pages in their appropriate places. I often watched him doing it. One day I saw him having some difficulty with the pinning. What had happened was that the sheets were too many and it was not easy to insert the pin in all of them together.

Pussh, I heard and saw that the pin had slipped. Pussh, again I heard this sound, and again pussh. Then I ran to him and he showed me what he had been trying to do. It was indeed difficult to do it in the way he wanted. Somehow I succeeded in doing it. And I received a broad smile. Oh, what a look!

Thereafter he stopped doing that work himself and always called me to do it even when it was very easy. “Champaklal”, he would call. How sweet it was to hear the name from his mouth! A boundless delight filled me whenever he called me by name. I remember I had even kept a record of how many times in a day (and night) he called me by name for one reason or another. It was noteworthy because he very rarely called anyone by name.

I felt the same ananda when Mother called me by name. Once Amrita told me: “How lucky you are, Champak! How sweet it is to hear Mother when she calls you by name!” Whenever he was moved, Amrita used to call me Champak.

Chance Philosopher

9.6.1944

Purani told Sri Aurobindo that Indra Sen⁵³was anxious to know his views on co-education.

Sri Aurobindo: “I have no views. I act according to what I see.”

P: “That is the difficulty with philosophers.”

Sri Aurobindo: “But I am a chance-philosopher! Here in the Ashram boys and girls read together, don’t they?”

Care of Rubber Tubes

10.7.1944

While combing Sri Aurobindo’s hair, Mother suggested to Nirod a way to preserve the rubber tubes in his Dispensary: “Take a nice airtight tin. Put in it an open bottle of clove oil. Put your rubber tubes in that tin alongside the open bottle, and close the tin. The tubes will then remain in very good condition.”

Two Children

17.6.1944

When Sri Aurobindo used to sit in his sofa for writing we used to place a writing-desk in front. Once while writing he asked for water. As he was drinking, some water was spilt; a little later some more was spilt. He asked me why that was happening.

Since his accident he used a feeding cup for drinking water. These cups have spouts like on a jhari [spouted pot] and he put his mouth to the spout when he drank.

I showed him the rim of this cup and said: “You see, this opening is larger than in other feeding cups. When it is tilted too much, water spills over the rim. But if you drink slowly without tilting the cup too much, water will not spill.”

Sri Aurobindo exclaimed, “Oh, oh!” and laughed. Then he followed my directions and the water was not spilt.

Truly he was sometimes like a child – before another child!

Mother’s Self-Portrait

18.7.1944

When the Mother came to Sri Aurobindo’s room this morning, I showed her her self-portrait done for Chandanbala [Dr. Manilal’s daughter]. And she exclaimed: “Seigneur! Qu’est-ce que c’est? (Lord! What is this?)”

Then she saw her signature and asked: “When was this done?”

I pointed out the date, 28.8.34, which Mother herself had written there below.

Mother: “But it is not good, not good. The mirror was not good and it was slanting too.”

C: “What you did for Kaushiki [Doraiswami’s daughter] was remarkable, Mother, it was extraordinary, wonderful. That was the best.”

Mother: “Yes, but it is no longer there; it was destroyed.”

She told me how and by whom it was destroyed, but I shall not repeat it. It was a sad happening. Perhaps it was destined. It illustrates how unprepared we are for her Grace.

C: “Mother, the portrait you did of me, is that not nice?”

Mother: “Perfect! If it had been signed Leonardo da Vinci, nobody would doubt it was not by him. Do not spoil it.”

Latour, the Photographer

23.7.1944

In those days the art of photography had not developed in the Ashram. Mother gave Bansidhar some of her pre-Pondicherry photographs for reprinting. She insisted that while making new negatives the old copies must not be touched up.

Bansidhar entrusted the work to Latour, son of the photographer who had taken Sri Aurobindo’s photographs in the early years. He told him: “Make one negative without touching it up and one after touching up the old one. We shall show prints of both of them one after another to the Mother and order the required number of copies of the one Mother chooses.”

After seeing the touched-up copy intently and also from several angles, Mother liked it very much and said: “Very good, especially the eyes. He has touched it up a lot, but it is done very skilfully. It is the first time that I see such remarkable work in India.” And she took it to Sri Aurobindo who also liked it.

B: “Mother, Latour studied photography in France.”

Mother: “Hmm…. Beautiful work. Really good. You may order more copies of the touched up one.”

B: “Mother, others also would like to have copies.”

With Mother’s permission, Bansidhar ordered more copies and sold them to those who wanted them. Needless to say, whatever money came from the sale was offered to the Mother.

Later Bansidhar wrote a letter to Mother requesting her permission to learn photography. Sri Aurobindo’s reply came: “We are not planning to start a photography studio in the Ashram. It is not necessary to learn.” Yet today we not only have studios but the art too has been highly developed. However, since Mother’s time I have been getting all my photography work done by Latour.

I relate this episode also to illustrate the fact that it does not make sense to say that Sri Aurobindo said this or that, just in order to fulfil one’s desire or belief.

Religious Ceremonies

30.7.1944

Sri Aurobindo said that he himself had done some religious kriyas (rituals), and added: “If they are done sincerely, one may attain the Divine. Otherwise, one generally gets the realisation of the vital gods. Men must be absolutely sincere.”

Aggressive

2.8.1944

Referring to S whom she had met for the first time, Mother said: “I have never met such an aggressive man – an image of aggressiveness.”

Expenses

2.8.1944

When Mother came to Sri Aurobindo’s room at night, she handed him a slip of paper on which was written:

Rs. 2,000 for milk per month.

Rs. 8,000 for grains etc.

Then she remarked: “You see, how much is our expense!”

Sri Aurobindo: “Oh, oh!”

Deceptive

9.8.1944

X brought to Mother a gentleman at Pranam time with the intention of getting her approval before associating with him in business.

Later Mother commented: “A good-looking man; smiles nicely; a gentleman. But he is a zero. He will lose all his money. Incapable of doing anything; he will make a mess of everything. X would be a fool to take him as his partner. I advise him not to do so⁵⁴.”

My Lucky Photograph

13.9.1944

Mother took my photograph to Sri Aurobindo, gave it in his hand and said: “Respectable, looks like a yogi.” She said it thrice.

Sri Aurobindo smiled, nodded his head and said: “Y…e…s.” Mother looked at me and said: “Very nice.” This too she said thrice, then added: “I am not joking.”

As she put the photograph in my hand, Sri Aurobindo was looking at me and smiling.

Calcutta Photo

13.9.1944

It was 12.28 p.m. Sri Aurobindo was sitting in his chair near the window. I showed him a photograph of his in which he is seated on the dais in a public meeting – the one without the garland. He looked at it for a while, smiling, then asked:

“From where? Whose?”

C: “Yours.”

Sri Aurobindo: “Yes, but to whom does it belong?”

C: “It is mine.”

Sri Aurobindo: “It must have been taken at Calcutta. From where did you get it?”

C: “In your room in Library House. When you moved to this house it was lying in a drawer of your table. I showed it to Mother; even she had not seen it. She gave it to me. But as it was only a print I gave it to Bansidhar to get a photographic copy made and he had it done by Latour. This is the copy.”

Sri Aurobindo smiled and kept looking at it.

C: “Would you sign it?”

Sri Aurobindo: “Oh, you want me to sign?” And he smiled and signed it.

“The War Behind the War”

14.9.1944

Mother said, regarding Amal’s55 article on 15th August: “The War behind the War is very well written – specially well written.”

“Like Us!”

17.9.1944

Mother: “Chinese soldiers quarrel in ordinary matters, without understanding the seriousness of the situation.”

Sri Aurobindo: “Like us!”

“Wait, Wait, Champaklal!”

21.9.1944

I said to Mother: “Latour, the photographer, is an admirer and a devotee of Sri Aurobindo. He is very anxious to take a new photograph of Sri Aurobindo. His father had taken the old ones. He too wants to take one. He says that if Mother does not allow him to take the photograph, he can give his camera to Bansidhar, ready to be clicked. He says that his is a beautiful camera which can be operated under any circumstances. He will explain things to Bansidhar and give the camera ready in his hands.”

Mother: “Wait, wait a little more.”

C: “The time has not yet come? But Mother, I do think your time for being photographed has come.”

Mother: “No, no, my time also has not yet come.”

C: “Mother, you move like a young girl…”⁵⁶

Mother: “No, no, no, wait, wait, Champaklal!”

The time came in 1950. And we spent thousands of rupees. This too is Their Play. Whereas even if we had asked money from Latour he would have gladly paid it for the privilege of taking the photographs. He was a sincere devotee of Sri Aurobindo.

Waste of Leisure Time

30.9.1944

Mother said to Sri Aurobindo: “Some people, when they have ample time at their disposal, spend it in drinking, playing, talking etc. They waste their time in drama, and cinema too. Among thousands, I have hardly seen anyone who knows how to make use of his time in the proper way.”

*

Sri Aurobindo: “Has rationing done some good?”

Mother: “Yes. Generally the English food is very heavy. I had an experience of it when I was there in England during the last War.”⁵⁷

Fall of Poland

4.10.1944

After listening to a Polish visitor, Mother said: “As if they are living for the Truth only and they are the people who will give the Truth to the world! There are people there who worship the Black Mary; I think it is a deformation of Kali. But they are not sincere in their adulation.”

My Portrait

6.10.1944

I showed to Mother my portrait done by her on my birthday in 1935. Some small yellow spots had appeared on the paper.

Mother: “That happens when the paper is not good.”

C: “But this paper is of a good quality.”

Mother: “There must have been some defect in the making of this paper. It is a pity. The picture is wonderful, very nice.”

You know, this portrait was done by Mother with her eyes closed. She finished it in a few minutes and when she saw it, she was so happy with it that she took it immediately to Sri Aurobindo.

It was regarding this picture that she said: “If I were to write the name Leonardo da Vinci here [as the artist who made this] nobody would question it…. The pencil just went on moving.”

Keshav Sastri and His Hindi Book

1.11.1944

Someone had complained that there was something vulgar in the Hindi book written by Keshav Sastri. P brought the book and was reading on and on to Sri Aurobindo.

I did not see the point and asked P: “That is all right, but where is the vulgar thing about which people are talking?” But he would not stop and went on reading aloud.

Then Sri Aurobindo himself asked: “But where is the vulgar thing to which they object?”

P could not reply and mumbled: “Indra Sen said that I must first go through the book before I brought it to you.”

Sri Aurobindo: “Indra Sen is rational-minded.”

On Sex

5.11.1944

While going back from Sri Aurobindo’s room, Mother said: “Amal’s article on sex is good, but it cannot be published in The Advent.”

A Tamil gentleman had begun the publication of this monthly in Madras, under Mother’s guidance. The Mother considered it her journal and that is why she refused to publish it there. (Mother India was considered Sri Aurobindo’s paper.)

Mother’s Solicitude

4.12.1944

Received a letter from my brother Sunderlal that my father had passed away. When I informed Mother about it, she asked: “How did that happen? Prior to this was there any report of his illness?”

C: “Yes, Mother, there was a letter saying my father was on his death-bed and that if I wanted to see him I should go there.”

Mother kept silent, looked down for a long time and then said: “Now your mother is alone there?”

C: “No, Mother, my elder brother is there.”

Mother: “Yes, that I know. She does not want to come here? When she came here she told me that she would like to come and stay here and that she would come with your father for good. If she wants to come, she is welcome here. You will write that from me.”

*

Even before she had come to Pondicherry in 1933, my mother suffered from rheumatism and had acute pain while walking. But here she walked about everywhere with perfect ease – she could, as we say, even run. The Mother remarked: “She is very open.” Later she asked my mother: “Do you want to stay here? If you want to, I will keep you.” But my mother went back because she felt it was her duty to remain by the side of my father.

Now, after my father passed away, Mother asked me if my mother wanted to come and settle here. When she asked about my mother’s daily needs, I said: “She will have no difficulty here except in using a commode.” In the house in which Bansidhar lives (above the present Ashram Post Office) there was on the ground floor an Indian toilet for servants. Mother knew it because she had sanctioned it. Mother told me that she would build another toilet at the back for my mother and the one for servants would be shifted elsewhere.

I wrote to my mother to come to Pondicherry. She made arrangements to come but as her rheumatism became acute she gave up the idea. When Mother was told this, she said: “If, in spite of that attack, your mother had stuck to her determination and sat in the train, her pain would have gone.”

This is why, whenever I have to go out from here I go with full faith in the Mother and she makes everything easy for me.

So much Grace was showered on her by the Mother! And she would have done the same for my father too, if he had wanted to come and stay.

*

Long before my father passed away I had shown his photograph to the Mother. She had then spoken highly of him and asked Sri Aurobindo: “Is he a Pundit?” And to me she had said: “I have seen him, of course not physically. I know him.” After his passing, when I showed his photograph to Mother, she told me she liked it but asked me not to hang it on the wall. I was told to keep it in a box.

Possession

9.12.1944

While combing Sri Aurobindo’s hair Mother told him about V: “It seems to me it is a possession. If I do anything it is dangerous for her. Better she does not see me; that is good for her. Seeing me won’t be good for her. Perhaps pining may do good. By giving shocks to the nerves, that force may go away.”

Datta

Datta was not keeping well. Mother went to see her and after coming from there, she told Sri Aurobindo: “Peaceful, detached.” Sri Aurobindo: “Ah!”

Mother on Herself in Japan

18.12.1944

Showing a group photograph taken in Japan in which she is seen with Tagore and others, Mother told Sri Aurobindo: “This one is Mahalakshmi, sweet, lovable, tender, docile; beauty, harmony…. I would like to see this woman, to meet her again. I would like to see this creature again.”

Later Mother gave me that photograph in order to make from it a new photograph of her alone by isolating her figure from the others. I got it done by Latour, through Bansidhar.

Inner Knock

29.12.1944

Mother told Sri Aurobindo about J: “He must have got a knock due to his ambition, not in external life but in his inner life. Outwardly, it has been going on nicely.”

Kashibhai’s Offering

It was long ago. Kamala’s brother Mahesh passed away. Her father Kashibhai⁵⁸ wanted to offer some cows to the Mother. He asked me to inform her about it. Mother was very happy to know of this.

But I noticed a change after some days. One day Mother told me that a printing press⁵⁹ was going to be started and Pillai from Hyderabad was coming for that purpose. Money was needed for it. She would be very happy if Kashibhai could give money instead of cows. Then she added: “I know that for orthodox people it is not the same thing. They would like to offer cows. Can you write to Kashibhai about this?”

C: “Mother, I know he would like to do exactly what Mother wants.”

I informed Kashibhai and he agreed to do as Mother wanted. I was struck by Mother’s understanding of orthodox sentiments and her consideration. She hesitated to suggest this change even though she must have known that her wish was supreme to us!

Goldy

6.1.1946

Lakshmibai used to bring Goldy – a very unusual dog – to Mother. From there Goldy herself used to come to Sri Aurobindo’s room – remarkable indeed! I would pick her up in my arms and carry her to Sri Aurobindo who would smile and caress her with both hands.

One day she went straight to where Sri Aurobindo was sitting and started to lick his feet, one after the other. Sri Aurobindo not only allowed it, but even bent over and patted her.

Goldy was free from sexuality. She never allowed any dog to come near her, and was furious if any tried. One who knew her would never permit the term “dog” to denote sexuality.

First Alphabet

18.2.1946

For a full five hours I could not rest even for a moment.

Today it was the birthday of a child. The parents wanted her to learn the first alphabet from the Mother. Mother was gracious and she gave a pen in the hands of the little one and made her write in English.

“Front-Line Family”

2.4.1946

During the Second World War Mother was taking a deep interest in the feature “Front-line Family” aired by the BBC. She used to listen to it every morning at about 4 o’clock.

The programme stopped from today. Mother said: “Henceforth it is not necessary to get up early.”

She alone can say why she took such a deep interest in it.

At one time she had taken the same interest in the French newspaper Matin. She also was very interested in the comic strip “Phantom” that appeared in The Illustrated Weekly of India. Again, she alone can explain the reason behind it.

Drop of Consolation

26.5.1946

When Sri Aurobindo was having his meal, something happened and the tumbler of grape-juice was upset on the table. I picked it up and showed to Mother that one drop of juice was still left in it. Mother told Sri Aurobindo: “Champaklal says there is one drop of juice left in the tumbler.”

Sri Aurobindo smiled, took the glass and said: “Oh, one drop of consolation!” And he sipped it.

Sri Aurobindo’s Hand

27.5.1946

When Sri Aurobindo was to sign and autograph books sitting on his bed, we used to place a table in front of him. Today, however, there was only one book and so no table was placed. I sat by his side on the floor and after the book was signed, I showed him my palm, pointed out one of the lines there and told him that I wished to see how far his line had gone.

He smiled, and showing his palm and asked: “What?”

C: “It is very long and it is exactly what X asked me to see.”

He smiled again and said: “Oh!”

Though I do not know palmistry I know the main three lines. On his palm I saw the lifeline fully extended. There were numerous other lines, distinct and very sharp; and there were high mounts. Altogether a very interesting hand.

Bottles and Corks

11.6.1946

Right from the time I started work with Mother, she used to give me bottles whose corks would not easily open. Somehow, most of the time, I used to succeed. In this connection she told me once: “You know, before you came, if a bottle could not be opened, I used to inform Sri Aurobindo, leave it on my table and go away; and the next day when I came and tried to open it, I found it would open easily.”

This evening Mother came with a bottle with its cork gone inside. I tried and took it out. Mother looked at Sri Aurobindo and said: “How wonderfully he has managed – so nicely, he has succeeded.” Both of them smiled.

Clock That Chimes

23.6.1946

I came to know that Kapadia has offered one big wall clock which chimes. I thought that it would be very convenient for Sri Aurobindo if it were kept in his room. For every now and then he himself used to pick up the timepiece kept on a stool near his bed and look at it. But I felt that Mother might give it away. So I told her: “Mother, you ask Sri Aurobindo whether it would be useful to keep it here.”

Mother: “You yourself can ask him whether he needs it.”

C: “Mother, if you wish it he will say Yes. So, please, you ask him.”

Mother: “That is why I am asking you to speak to him; if he really needs it he will say Yes. To you he will say what is a fact.” Then I went to Sri Aurobindo and told him about the clock.

Sri Aurobindo asked: “Oh, it chimes?” Then he smiled and said: “Yes, it will be very useful. You can tell Mother.” Again he smiled. And all in me smiled.

It is now over a cupboard near the window in his room. Lucky clock!

Hard Work

5.7.1946

Today it was a record. Sri Aurobindo finished his lunch at 2:04 p.m. Since some time it has been advancing from 12 to 12:30, 1, 1:30 and so on, due to delay in Mother’s coming – Mother’s time being taken up with work. Mother has been more and more occupied. At times she has had to open the door as many as four times and receive people who came late.

Birthdays

9.8.1946

When Mother came to Sri Aurobindo’s room for combing his hair, she informed him that there were six birthdays today. Sri Aurobindo said to Mother: “Yes, Champaklal was working till late at night.” He used to note what I was doing. I was preparing the bouquets only after he retired for the night. I would sit in the meditation hall upstairs and do the work; at times it would go on up to 12 or 1 or 2 – on occasions it even went up to 3 a.m.

Sri Aurobindo would note everything. In fact, he once told us: “I am observing you all.”

Cushion that was tot there

17.11.1946

After the accident to Sri Aurobindo’s leg, we used to keep a big cushion under the knee as a support when he extended his legs while sitting on his bed. After about 30 to 45 minutes in that position, he would ask for the cushion to be removed.

One day he called me. I went and stood by his side and looked at him. He gave a surprised look and said: “Remove the cushion!”

I told him quietly that no cushion had been placed there today. Then he glanced at his knee and laughed: “Oh …!”

Sardar Patel

22.12.1946

At the time of taking his bath Sri Aurobindo said, commenting upon developments in the country: “Out of all of them Patel is the only strong man.”

Sri Aurobindo’s Feet

It was my birthday: 2.2.1947.

I was very happy, indeed very very happy. The Mother was very gracious, as on every birthday of mine. When she came to Sri Aurobindo’s room where we all were waiting for her, she looked at me with a broad smile which had a deep intimacy in it and told Sri Aurobindo: “Today is Champaklal’s birthday.”

Sri Aurobindo’s response was immediate and equally intimate. “Umm!”, he said with prolonged emphasis, and gave me a smile that touched me deeply.

For a long time I had wanted to draw an outline of Sri Aurobindo’s feet. But it was difficult as I did not want to inconvenience him in any way, or break his routine. With Mother it was different; I could freely ask her whatever I wished. Once when I asked her for it she herself drew an outline of her feet. Sri Aurobindo too, when we asked and if it was necessary for our progress, did everything.

So I thought out a plan. After sitting in his chair, Sri Aurobindo would raise his feet for the footstool to be kept, and raise them again when he wanted to get up so that the footstool could be removed. I decided that after removing the footstool I would put a sheet of paper there so that his feet would automatically come down on the paper. And at that moment I would quickly draw the pencil around his feet and get their outline. But one problem remained. The paper would be on a carpet and it might not be easy for him to keep standing on the paper. Besides the pencil would not move evenly and the outline would not be properly drawn. Then another thought occurred. If a big plank were brought and kept on the carpet and the chair placed over it, the paper would remain flat and the pencil could move smoothly, and Sri Aurobindo would be able to stand steadily. With everything thus thought out, I put my plan before Sri Aurobindo. He gave his consent with a soft smile.

Then I executed my plan and I was happy that it was done without any change in his programme. His expression when I did all this was worth seeing. You know I was very fond of watching his expressions – it gave me immense joy. You have seen some of the sketches I have drawn of him in different postures and of the different expressions on his face.

Later that day, I took the paper with my drawing to Sri Aurobindo to get my name and his blessings written on it. Once again he gave me a gentle smile and happily wrote below the sketch:

To Champaklal

my love and blessings

February 2, 1947

Sri Aurobindo

The same day I also prayed Mother to let me have an outline of her feet and she drew it with her own hand. Under it she wrote:

To Champaklal

2.2.1947

With love and blessings

Mother

No Grief in Death

Vyas had passed away. Mother said about him: “Do not grieve. Vyas is resting in peace. God has drawn him to Himself. Grief will disturb him. Grief has no place.”

Portrait of Sri Aurobindo

22.2.1948

A letter was received from the Danish artist who had taken Sri Aurobindo’s photograph in standing profile and also done an oil painting⁶⁰. He was offering to sell his painting for Rs. 3 500. Mother: “We cannot afford it; it is not worth it.”

C: “You had said it was very well done, very good, very good.”

Mother: “To whom did I say that?”

I did not answer.

Mother repeated the question but still I did not answer. She said quietly: “Yes, but it is not worth paying that much for it.”

I said something which looked like I was insisting.

Then Sri Aurobindo who had been listening all the while, said with some force: “But she says it is not worth…”

C: “Yes, for Mother it is not worth, but for me it is.” (I had heard that the artist himself considered it excellent.)

After Mother’s passing, the artist’s wife offered to sell it for $ 6 000; but the Ashram could not afford it. Finally, through Jayantilal’s efforts, Eckhard, a German disciple, purchased and presented the painting to the Ashram in December 1978.

Mother’s Self-Portraits

3.1948

In the evening, Mother brought to Sri Aurobindo two of her self-portraits. She gave them in his hands saying that she had found out the period when they were done.

She told Sri Aurobindo: “Champaklal wants to have them photographed. What do you say? If you find them all right they can be photographed.”

Then turning to me Mother said: “In the portrait done earlier, the face is nice; in the other the eyes are nice.”

C: “Mother, I find both are nice.”

At this, Sri Aurobindo put both the sketches in my hand. Then both looked at me and smiled.

Saving Time

19.3.1948

When Mother came to Sri Aurobindo’s room at 9.30 a.m. to comb his hair, she looked at me with a sweet smile and said to Sri Aurobindo: “Champaklal has found out a way to save my time, and today he has saved me half an hour.”

Sri Aurobindo, happily: “Umm, umm, umm!”

Mother: “It was taking a lot of time to choose flowers for giving to people. Champaklal brought a big dish, arranged four kinds of flowers in different heaps and took away all the rest. So a good deal of time was saved.”

This thing could have been done long ago. But only when the Mother allows it does anything become possible.

“He is still there?”

17.4.1948

Even at night Mother used to open the door to meet some disciples at the top of the staircase. Today it was past 11 p.m. and yet they had not finished, though they were expected just to do pranam and leave.

Sri Aurobindo enquired who was there with Mother. I told him the name. He asked further questions about the person including his age. Half an hour passed and still he did not leave. Sri Aurobindo asked: “Why is Mother keeping him so long? He is still there?”

C: “Yes.”

Sri Aurobindo’s Concern about Mother

20.4.1948

There was a film-show⁶¹ tonight and by the time Mother came upstairs, it was 11.42 p.m. As soon as she came up she told me to inform Sri Aurobindo that she would be late today (for Sri Aurobindo’s dinner) as she had returned late.

I said: “Mother, I always inform him when you are back because he always likes to know. At times on hearing the horn of your car he himself lifts up the timepiece and sees the time.”

Swadharma

20.9.1948

Noted in Sri Aurobindo’s room at 9.45 a.m.:

The dhira purusha, the calm and wise man, acts always according to his swadharma, his inmost nature.

Often we believe we are following our own nature, but we are actually only imitating others. As we progress in sadhana, we liberate ourselves more and more from this defect. Surrender, constant remembrance, and opening to the Divine influence help us in this process. In the beginning this demands great efforts, but later it becomes spontaneous.

Not to be deceived by others is difficult but not to be deceived by oneself is even more difficult. Do not be deceived – either by others or by yourself. How much more shameful it is to be deceived by oneself than by others! It does not appear shameful in the beginning, but as we progress we find it increasingly so. Though from our childhood we learn by imitating others, a time comes when one becomes aware of the difference between imitating others and following one’s own nature.

Mother’s Hard Work

22.9.1948

Today Mother was not well and a notice to this effect was put on the Ashram notice board. And yet she went down and gave Pranam. When she returned, she was so tired that I could not bear to see her; tears welled up in my eyes. I went and informed Sri Aurobindo about this.

Sri Aurobindo said: “She ought not to go down.”

But next day, though she was still unwell, she went down and gave Pranam. These were not the only occasions when she did so. They were innumerable, especially during later years. People have no idea how much she exerted herself and in what conditions.

Old Soap-Bits and World Economy

23.9.1948

Mother gave a new soap cake for Sri Aurobindo’s use and asked me if I had kept the unusable bits of the old ones. She knew that I must have preserved them⁶². I said:

“Yes.”

Mother: “Then bring them; they will be given to Pavitra and he will make a nice big cake out of them. I give all my bits to him and he prepares a big cake from them.”

The war-time restrictions were still not removed and there was difficulty in getting soap from France.

Mother noticed from my expression that I was not enthusiastic. She went on to ask me: “Are you using them?”

C: “No, Mother.”

Mother: “Then, why waste them? If you were using them it would be all right; otherwise why not use them this way? Now there are hardly 12 cakes; perhaps only 9 or 10 are left, maybe even less. We can make new ones.”

C: “All right, I shall bring them.”

Now I had wrapped each bit in paper and numbered them date-wise, indicating from what day to what day each had been used. All were arranged in a box. It occurred to me that as Mother had asked only for the soap-bits, I could retain the wrappers with the dates. So I took out a few; then an idea came that Mother should see the whole box, what a pretty sight it was. So I took to her both the opened ones and the box with paper-wrapped ones.

Mother saw everything. She admired and appreciated it so much that she said: “I cannot take them away; no, Champaklal, you keep them; I cannot take them.”

She was very happy to see the box. Then she added: “But you see Champaklal, the world’s economy is in my hands; so I have to start from the Ashram.”

My Hand

6.10.1948

Mother saw my right hand when we were in her salon and said: “One aim in life. All lines are joined.”

Then Mother examined my nails and said:

“Dreamer; Writer; Poet.”

Long back, when Lele had seen my right hand, he had pointed out the three main lines and said, “Very, very interesting. These lines are rarely connected in this way.”

Not Claiming Enough

1948

A prominent public worker of Madras came to see Mother. Referring to Sri Aurobindo, he told Mother:

“He has become an international figure but we claim him more.”

Mother: “But you are not claiming enough.”

Mother’s Responses

To infer anything from Mother’s apparent behaviour often turns out to be quite contrary to the truth. For instance when physical education activities such as marching, drills and exercises were started in the Playground, those who wanted to participate had to give their names to Mother. One sadhak who had given his name went and met her. Later Mother told me what passed between them. She asked him several questions; one of them was: “Will you be able to jump?” In answer, he immediately jumped, and from Mother’s reactions he concluded that she was pleased. But in fact, as she told me, “His jump was so poor that it made me smile but he felt he had demonstrated a good jump!”

C.R. Reddy

C.R. Reddy saw Sri Aurobindo on the 20th of December, 1948, to present the award of Andhra University. That day Mother came at 8.30 a.m. and told me that she was going to come to Sri Aurobindo’s room at 9.45 to prepare things. C.R. Reddy came in at 10.58 a.m. and was there for half an hour.

Afterwards Mother said of him: “He is a nice man. He understands things.” She had said the same thing the previous evening, when she first met him.

He gave to Sri Aurobindo a gold medal and a sum of Rs. 1116. Mother gave the medal to me for safe-keeping and sent the cash to be put in the box in which only money offered to Sri Aurobindo was kept.

Night Opens Into Day

24.1.1949

When Mother finished her day’s programme it was 3.50 a.m. She turned to Dyuman and said: “No time to go to bed.”

And she did not rest at all. I went for my bath and Dyuman went to attend to his work which was waiting for him.

Puzzling

25.1.1949

After seeing some people at the door on the top of the stairs from 6.50 to 7.10 a.m., Mother went to the Balcony at 7.15. For various reasons the time of Balcony darshan never remained fixed. Then there was another programme after which she would go downstairs for Pranam, and Kamala and I would accompany her.

Today I was waiting in Sri Aurobindo’s room for Mother to come in as usual for combing his hair when she called me at 9.35 a.m. As she had called, I went out to her and she looked at me. I could not understand what her look meant and asked: “Mother, what is it?”

She was surprised at my question but she said: “Going down!”

Hesitatingly I asked: “Mother, you are not coming to Sri Aurobindo’s room?” I was wondering whether she had changed the time of her coming to Sri Aurobindo’s room, as she used to do at times.

Mother immediately said: “Yes, yes.”

She would never forget anything concerning Sri Aurobindo and yet that day this happened. Only one who has known her can imagine the circumstances that made her forget this item of her programme.

What is Special?

25.1.1949

It was 9 p.m. and Mother was not yet back from the Playground. As it was late, Sri Aurobindo enquired: “Mother has still not come? Any special programme there tonight?”

C: “I do not know.”

Then I went out to find out the reason and happened to meet Debu⁶³. He said Mother was talking to Pranab. I went back to Sri Aurobindo and told him.

Sri Aurobindo: “Ah, ah!”

Mother came back at 9.35 p.m.

Where is Champaklal?

27.1.1949

After his bath in the evening, Sri Aurobindo used to sit on his bed leaning against the back-rest. On hearing the approach of Mother’s car returning from the Playground, Nirod and I would adjust the back-rest and arrange things a little before Mother came in. Today I was not there and when Nirod started doing those things, Sri Aurobindo asked him: “What is the matter with Champaklal?”

I was invariably present there, but somehow today I was a little late; although when Mother entered from one door I entered Sri Aurobindo’s room from another – just in time for her. This was the first time I missed being there in time to arrange things. But when I heard that Sri Aurobindo had enquired of me, I realised – with what feelings you can imagine – how much he cared. He always noted everything going on around him but never asked anything in this way.

Champaklal’s Birthday

2.2.1949

Mother came to Sri Aurobindo’s room at 7 a.m. She told him: “Today is Champaklal’s birthday. I am keeping his notebook (for birthday messages) here on the table.”

Every year both of them used to write a message for me in it; first Sri Aurobindo wrote and then under it the Mother⁶⁴.

Sri Aurobindo looked at me with a broad smile. But I took the notebook from the table and placed it in Mother’s hand saying: “Mother, it is quite enough if you write.”

In spite of his failing eyesight Sri Aurobindo himself had never said it was difficult for him to write and Mother too gave him my notebook just for my sake. Both looked at me and gave very broad smiles.

Pranab’s Fist

4.2.1949

When Mother came to Sri Aurobindo’s room in the afternoon she brought the sketch she had done of Pranab’s fist and profile. She showed it to Sri Aurobindo who looked at it, smiled and nodded. On seeing the sketch, I said it was full of strength.

Mother pointed out the fist to Sri Aurobindo and asked: “The strength is there?”

Sri Aurobindo: “Y-e-s.”