I am Thine for eternity. - The Mother

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To a disciple who is identified in the text simply by his initial, R.

 

You must know that this silence is faithfulness to the Divine’s work.

October 1962

 

Mother,
You wrote to me that at night you come to me. I also try to reach you but . . alas.

 

Continue to try — one day you will succeed, as still I come.
Blessings.

 

9 November 1962

 

(When the disciple became editor of Purodha, he began writing stories and articles for the journal. But, as he explained to the Mother, he was afraid that his head would get swollen if his old ambition of becoming a great writer rose up again.)

 

Behind all ambitions there is a Truth waiting the opportune time to manifest. Now that the ambition is gone, it is time for the truth (the capacities and abilities) to manifest.

Take great care not to become “swollen”, but I am with you, helping you, in order to do something that may be interesting.
With love and blessings.

 

 

Mother,

Somebody connected with the Ashram wants to publish a diary (not for commercial purposes) with quotations from your writings along with the writings of Vivekananda, Ramatirtha, etc. I have said that it is not good to make this khichiri [mixture]. Better don’t put Mother’s things. Is it all right?

 

About 1962

 

I hear that you have flu — that won’t do.
You must rest — but a rest of concentrated force, not of diluted non-resistance to the adverse forces. A rest that is a power, not the rest of weakness.
Cheer up, my child, shake off the bad influence.

With my love and blessings.

 

7 January 1963

 

Mother,
I would very much like to see you in your new body.

 

I suppose you mean my new appearance or my transformed body. Because for a new body, I do not know of anybody who could make a complete living body within which I could step without losing, at least partly, my present consciousness. This of course could be a relatively quicker process, but not quite fair for the cells of this body so full of enthusiasm, and lending themselves so willingly to the somewhat exacting process of transformation.

In any case, as I told you already, you must be prepared to wait a long time for it, and to see many birthdays pass on. Which, of course, is very good and of which I fully approve.

With love.

 

25 January 1963

 

Mother,

X had written to you about the construction of the Orissa Boarding. Y has to do the work. Z and W will see the technical side and I am also there. My work is not assigned in the letter. You have approved and signed it. X tells me that I am expected to be a sort of liaison for contacting you and the other departments as and when needed. The work will start after Darshan.

 

How can the work start after Darshan? They do not have the needed money, only a very small part of it. And it is impossible to start work before having at least three-fourths of what is needed.

Besides the plan is not ready, the calculations are not made, nothing is ready according to my knowledge. It would be pure folly to start anything in that condition. I remember the letter of X but did not take it seriously for the reasons above mentioned, and paid no special attention to your presence in this affair which seems to me a little superfluous. So, unless all the money is collected and all the plans and calculations are made and shown to me — nothing doing.

Blessings.

 

8 February 1963

 

Mother,

In my right leg — from the thigh right down to the heels — some nerves are not working properly. I have a feeling of numbness and I limp while walking, and sometimes if I am not careful it appears that I may lose control. Please see. It started when I was ill in January.

I wonder why these things do not get cured unless I inform you physically. When it is for others, I inform you in silence and it works. Can you tell me?

 

It depends on the physical receptivity of each one, and that receptivity depends itself on the more or less dominating mind.

3 March 1963

 

(While translating the Mother’s Words of Long Ago into Hindi, the disciple found that the story of Kaikeyi told there differed from the version in the Hindi Ramayana.He wrote:)

I am afraid people will criticise what is different from their belief on this point. They say that as Rama loved her so much, she was chosen for the most difficult and unpleasant task.

It seems the Bengali version tallies with what you have written, but the Sanskrit and Hindi versions of Ramayana are different from it. What to do for the Hindi
translation?

What I had written was not at all direct knowledge but the translation of a book written in English more than 60 years ago.

So you can make all changes that are necessary.
Blessings.

6 March 1963

 

Mother,

You had told me that you do not want your name to be associated with the name of Paul Richard in any way.X is writing about the early days of the Ashram, where he speaks of your arrival. There he says that you came with Richard who had come for electioneering, etc. This has been published in English and Bengali. It has now come for publication in the Hindi “Purodha”. What is your advice?

I am very sorry for this. Nothing was told to me about it. Stop it at that;** by all means, let it be the last time something is publicly

** “That” refers to the information that the Mother “came with Richard who had come for electioneering”. From that phrase the Mother drew a line down to her reply, thus connecting them.
mentioned about (my?) past life!

— this body does not want to be spoken of — it wants to be quiet and, as far as possible, ignored.

With love and blessings.

 

9 April 1963

 

Mother,

Now an impertinent question. You wrote to me in very strong language that you did not want to be bothered about the details of Ashram affairs because you were too busy with your inner work. But now you have begun to ask for such information. Does it mean that you have crossed that line where all your attention was needed, and the future is in your hand, or have we bungled so much that you have to spare time for these affairs? I wish it were the first. Will you tell me the secret?

 

There is no secret. The second is true. Things are in such a mess that I am compelled to keep an eye on them.

 

19 April 1963

 

Mother,

I see only two alternatives about this woman Y: either you keep her as charity or you allow me to be a little strict and send her away, giving her about 120 rupees for railway fares etc. for two. Z says that her organs are affected by T.B.

 

Always, from the beginning, I considered her as a case of charity and expected very little work from her — she is not of the type that likes to be useful. Let her remain at the Lake and be given some occupation that will keep her quiet.

Blessings.

 

20 April 1963

(Banarasi Ma, a woman from North India with thousands of followers, went about Uttar Pradesh preaching that she represented the work of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother. She made various predictions, among them that Sri Aurobindo would reappear in human form on 15 August 1964. To enhance her prestige, she produced forged letters supposed to have been written to her by the Mother. Writing about her, the disciple ends his letter:)

About 4,000 people in that area of U.P. have joined her fold. Quite many have left their jobs to be with her and all this on your mission and in Sri Aurobindo’s name.
People of our centre and members of Sri Aurobindo Society in that area want to know what should be their attitude and duty in face of this cyclone of falsehood. I have to give some reply. Please say.

All this must stop at once and for all. It is sheer forgery and the people who do forgery ought to go to prison8 — or, at least, not allowed to go about spreading their falsehoods and duping credulous people. Her first predictions all failed. These will fail in the same way, and those who believe are simply fooled.

 

27 April 1963

 

(The Mother asked the disciple to dismiss from the Ashram a woman who had become mentally unbalanced. When she refused to go, he wrote:)

Mother,

We had been to X. She refuses to listen to reason.She says she won’t go even if her husband comes. Y is ready to take her forcibly. She wants an interview with you. She speaks all sorts of nonsense. Instructions please.

** Beside “ought to go to prison”, the Mother wrote “joke”, indicating that she did not want the matter to go to court.

It is quite impossible to remove her forcibly. An interview is quite out of the question. Let her be here so long as she wants to remain. Try to lodge her somewhere where she will be as little harmful as possible, give her just what is necessary and otherwise ignore her presence (if she allows us to ignore it).

I shall see.

Blessings.

 

27 April 1963

 

Mother,

I did not get any reply to my question about teaching classical Hindi. Classical Hindi is a little difficult, but it contains the cream of the language. Sri Aurobindo has given high praise to the classical poets. Some students do not want it from the point of utility. They want only modern Hindi — that is more useful in day-to-day work. Even there they refuse to speak correct Hindi. They prefer the horrible thing that they call Playground Hindi.

 

I intended to answer, and in a hurry forgot to do it. The reply is: teach both —the true language and what it has become. That will be very interesting indeed — and more than anything else can cure them from the habit of speaking bad Hindi.

 

I am sending you one of Z’s files containing reports of incidents in your life. I have put three or four marks. Almost all these things were published in “Mother India”. Which of the things can pass in this book?

 

Please give me some criterion by which I may say what is “passable”.

I have just glanced at the file. All that is the kind of rubbish that, since long, I have stopped trying to check — it is like children’s toys. The only thing I wanted to see was the “Japanese boat” and my prophecy — because this sounds utterly false and needs rectifying.

 

Let me tell you one incident. (I won’t publish it!) I had collected Rs. 67 from my writings. I required some books and I wanted to buy them. One day suddenly I passed on the money to you and immediately afterwards somebody sent me those books, plus others worth about Rs. 200 as a personal gift!

This kind of thing has happened hundreds of times and is happening more and more — but to me it seems “quite natural” although I am unwilling to explain.

 

9 May 1963

 

Mother,

I was popular with my students, but now I am losing my popularity since I expect them to work seriously.What is the way out?

The way out? — is to take it coolly, not to mind and to go on with the work quietly... expecting that better days will come.
Blessings.

 

22 May 1963

 

Mother,

A friend wants to offer four or five electric fans for the Dining Room. He will pay for the upkeep for a year or two. Do you accept?

Yes.

 

I have heard from his wife that he wants to put a ceiling fan in my room also. My first reaction is “No, I don’t want luxuries.” But it seems a greed is lurking
somewhere. What is your advice? (I am not asking for sanction.)

 

The room is small. A fan would be good. You can take it and see if it helps.

What is bad is slavery — slavery to abstinence as well as slavery to needs. What comes, we take but always ready to let it go, if it goes...

Blessings.

 

(The disciple wrote about two Dining Room workers who quarrelled and fought. His letter ends:)

X gave some blows, Y also gave some. Both fell on a window which in turn fell down. This was at 11:25 when the Dining Room is full of diners.

I received a letter from X and I told him what I thought of the event. I am not answering to Y — but all that seems very much like going back to the time of primitive man in the caves...

We do not wish to live the artificial life of civilised society, but it would be better to climb up the ladder towards a greater civilisation, rather than fall backward to the rule of the blows...

With blessings.

 

6 July 1963

 

Mother,

On the 3rd July I finished 25 years of my stay. Usually I used to get a scolding from you for one reason or other. This time I missed that.

Because you needed no scolding this year.

 

Z — the man with T.B. — has dreamt three or four times that a very dark figure comes to him and tries to strangulate him. He wants to know why this happens and what he should do.

It is some wrong formation in the subconscient. But it would not have recurred if he had not feared. It is the fear — more or less conscious — which does almost all the mischief.

Without fear nothing can happen.

You can tell him like that.

 

July 1963

 

Mother,

There is an all-round deterioration of work and workers, and the demands are increasing by leaps and bounds.

 

Yes, the disorder is general. The only help is FAITH.
Blessings.

6 August 1963

 

Mother,

About going to Dr. X, I think it would be better that my body should learn to depend upon you without any foreign aid. I have fears, and lack of faith also attacks me, but I think that in spite of this you can and do help me. Then is it necessary to go to somebody else?

 

It gives confidence to the body and that way it helps. But I leave it to your decision.
Blessings.

 

26 August 1963

 

(The disciple informed the Mother of recent difficulties in receiving visitors at the Ashram gate.)

 

To avoid all “stories” and complications, it is better to have a second man or boy at the gate between 12 and 2, to bring groups of visitors, especially when there are children, to Quadros House where there is a big verandah which will be provided with seats for them.

I have received complaints that Y is very rude. I do not know how far it is true, but you might ask him to behave properly. The reception room will be closed between 12 and 2. And the verandah cannot be crowded with families, children and luggage. I am trying to arrange things decently and need your help.

24 June 1963

Blessings.

 

24 October 1963

 

I enjoyed your letter and the “story”.
Here is my answer. Is it an answer?... at any rate it is a fact and might explain some things:
“I give orders to those who are perfectly and totally surrendered, as these orders cannot be discussed or disobeyed.”
With my love and blessings.

 

25 October 1963

 

Mother,

It seems I have to work as an intermediary between Sri Aurobindo Society and the Oriya group. Please remember our old contract: you do the work, I take the credit. Today I have to meet them.

 

Very good.
Say to Z that as I am expected to do miracles, each one of you must also do some — a few — miracles!
With love and blessings.

 

14 November 1963

 

(A group of investors wished to economise on the construction of a new building. The disciple asked the Mother for her opinion.)

In the matter of construction, you get what you pay for. They believe themselves to be very clever, but if they spend less, the house built will last less and even may not be strong enough to resist the violences of Nature. The appearance is the same for we were told that they had been permitted to take food.When a written permission was demanded, they stopped taking our food. Then I was approached to allow them on a payment basis. I know what it means. I refused.Then I was told they will purchase milk and offer the money to Mother. I said: “If you purchase milk, the money must come to the Dining Room.” They agreed.And now this note that two children will have breakfast and pay you Rs.10 monthly. According to our charges, it comes to Rs.30 for two, and this is the thin end of the wedge. Such cases are going on increasing. And what surprises me is that they have your approval.

No approval. But if I were to be strict with all those who try to deceive me, very few would escape this strictness.
Love and blessings.

About 1963

 

(The disciple wrote about a man who was performing miracles and claiming that they were done through the Mother’s Force. The letter ends:)

He attributes all these miracles to you. But I wonder whether such miracle-mongering is safe. It may be like old wine in new bottles.

We do see your miracles so often, but they never come distributing leaflets advertising themselves.

I do not like these showy miracles — they most often end pitifully. Under the pressure of the Force, the first effect is a dangerous swelling of the egos. In front of all that, there is only one attitude to take — Do your best and leave the result to the Lord.

Blessings.

About 1963

Mother,

My students have learnt some Hindi, but on a point of honour(!) they refuse to speak correctly. Now I have tried for 5 years. Even my best students speak very badly behind my back. I feel like giving up teaching in the next year.

 

Try for 2 years more, perhaps after 7 years their “honour” will give way!...
Blessings.

 

About 1963

 

Mother,

I learn that Z is coming to see you today for his birthday. I would like to know how you find him. I like him and yet my opinion is that he is insincere, dishonest and extremely ambitious. I think that he tries to use the name of the Ashram for personal ends.

 

I have seen Z. He is more raw than anything else; and as in all primitive natures the ego is very prominent and selfish. Yes, something can be made out of his ambition if proper care is taken of him and if he is kept strictly on the right path with a few blows on the nose of his vanity.

Blessings.

 

About 1963

 

Mother,

X has given me a letter from Y (see photo). This man thinks that he is too big and we do not know his value. I gave him part-time to the Bakery and part-time to Z at the Press. He has been given very light work in the Bakery, but that is too much for him. Even if I give him to Z he will not work. He is already trying to go to W — one of the best persons with whom to be very busy doing nothing.

 

This is just what I had said of the man. I refused to let him go to W. If he is a too big man to work, he can go. We have no need of “big people”. However if he is truly useful in the Press, he can work there for full time (eight hours a day).
With my blessings.

 

14 January 1964

 

Mother,

I am unable to understand the attitude of our people in the face of current shortages of milk and money. When I was a student, if we heard about a famine, flood or earthquake anywhere, we used to cut down our milk, ghee, clothes, etc. and send the money for the relief funds. Here, however, when the parent body is in difficulty, an effort is being made for the boardings to be able to get all that they want. We too were paying for our boarding and lodging and yet we cut down our food.

 

Unhappily(?) the present difficulty is neither a flood nor a famine, nor a war, nor an earthquake, nor a conflagration, nor any of these things which move the human sentiments and make them dominate for a while the material desires named “needs”.

Money difficulties make generally people dry and even bitter, if not revolted. And I know of some people who are on the verge of losing their FAITH because I do not have all the money I need!

 

6 February 1964

 

Mother,
After trying for 26 years I find I am still far from being faithful. Small matters can and do upset the balance.I wonder whether you will ever succeed in changing me.

 

I am sure to succeed one day.

 

Inwardly things seem to be improving, outwardly a sort of disintegration seems to be at the door. Where do we stand?

 

In front of a beautiful realisation.
Love and blessings.

16 March 1964

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If you have within you a psychic being sufficiently awake to watch over you, to prepare your path, it can draw towards you things which help you, draw people, books, circumstances, all sorts of little coincidences which come to you as though brought by some benevolent will and give you an indication, a help, a support to take decisions and turn you in the right direction. But once you have taken this decision, once you have decided to find the truth of your being, once you start sincerely on the road, then everything seems to conspire to help you to advance.

The Mother